kscovill is offline kscovill Post #1  June 11,2010, 11:29pm
kscovill's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 22

See profile

hey all you lovely people out there in cyberspace .

here is my question why is it that im 30 and i have not had relationship yet ? im sick of being passed over for the barbie dolls out there . i go to bars i try to get out and meet people but guys dont like me what is the big turn off about me. I always get form everyone of my friends and guys i meet out there your a great person and the guy who gets you will be lucky . that line has got me nothing in the last 10 years Ive been looking. i am 5 ft 8 inchs about 195 i carry my weight well . i dress how i feel comfortable jeans nice top golf shirt type.i run 3 to 4 days week 5km . i hate makeup, i don't need it . so what is the turn off on me . Ive had countless offers for sex by men that i know are out for a one night stand . so tell me people can i do to improve so i can settle down for the long haul and have the life of nine yards ?
 
  Reply With Quote
livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  June 12,2010, 11:54am
livenlearn's Avatar

Yay! spring has sprung.

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

cosmos

Posts: 3,439

See profile

Have you signed up for EH or any other dating sight?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  June 12,2010, 12:12pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

- If this is the attitiude you have in life, or on a dating profile, it will be part of your problem. I do not write women with downer attitude, complaining, or whining.

- You are 45 lbs heavier than me, despite being 6" shorter and female. This is a massive difference, and a certain impossibility of attraction (which is essential.)

- It is unlikely your standard of personal grooming and attire is working for normal men. Therefore you either need to accept other men, or come into compliance with social norms.
 
  Reply With Quote
DashMN is offline DashMN Post #4  June 12,2010, 12:29pm
DashMN's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2010

Minnesota

Posts: 419

See profile

Wow D Lion, that's harsh.

Kscovill, I know a girl about your height and build who also wears her weight well, and she's beautiful. She has no trouble making friends or finding boyfriends, though she's been in a long term relationship for several years. Her boyfriend is a guy who would have no trouble hooking up with the barbie doll types if that was what he wanted, but he's stayed with her.

What I can tell you about her is that she's a bright happy person, comfortable in her own skin, she smiles a lot, and when she meets people, she takes a genuine interest in them. There's an expression that I've always found to be true, "we don't choose our friends because we like who they are, we choose them because we like who we are when we are with them." If you take a genuine interest in people, truly find them interesting and appreciate their better qualities, then when they are with you, they will feel like they are an interesting person. And nothing will win people over faster than making them feel good about themselves. I'm not talking about false flattery, or patronizing compliments, like I said, take a genuine interest in them.
 
  Reply With Quote
kscovill is offline kscovill Post #5  June 12,2010, 1:47pm
kscovill's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 22

See profile

yep I ve been on here for 7 months. i had a date with a guy who was so shy he could not talk to me .
To the last poster i do take a interest in people when i meet them but then it seems like men just fade out or become a friend . It is a big thing with me i seem to have Guy friends but im never the gf type . I do talk alot with people and have nice conversations but when the day is up they don't call me or just drop of the face of the earth, . i have traveled alone twice and have made many friends for life on the road but never really got close to a guy. maybe im to shy i try to talk to guys im attracted to but they always pass me over as i said for the other girl. i have no idea why Ive asked my friends they say there is nothing wrong with me .
By the way at least i know there are girls out there like me who can get the guy. maybe im just down and out because all my friends are married or have kids i feel like a third wheel most of the time .
 
  Reply With Quote
DashMN is offline DashMN Post #6  June 12,2010, 1:59pm
DashMN's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2010

Minnesota

Posts: 419

See profile

Let me give you an example of what I mean about taking a genuine interest in people. When you replied to me in your post, you said, "to the last poster...." If you had said, "to DashMN....", it might have brought a smile to my face just knowing that you noticed my name. We all want to be recognized as unique individuals, not a generic term like "the last poster". Did you notice that I addressed my reply specifically to Kscovill? It doesn't matter that it's just a user name on the internet, I recognized you as a distinct individual, not some generic poster. I'm not trying to be critical or harsh, I sincerely hope you find that helpful.

Find unique qualities about people and let them know that you noticed. And people absolutely love hearing their name. Don't overuse it, but try to slip it into the conversation now and again. As an example, "ya know, Bill, I was thinking....." Or when greeting someone, don't just say "hi" or "hello", always say "hi Bill" or "how are you Bill". You'd be amazed at the difference it can make.
 
  Reply With Quote
Iconography is offline Iconography Post #7  June 12,2010, 2:09pm
Iconography's Avatar

got her own goat!

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 1,182

See profile

My position was somewhat like yours, KS, and my guy can't for the life of him figure out why nobody "snatched me up" decades ago. (I'm 45, never had a date until he came along a few months ago.) My friends don't know the answer (my female friends, anyway; I don't have the courage to ask any of my male friends) and my family can't figure it out. It could have been the shyness, and the fact that there were always flirtier girls or women as competition.

You mention, though, something that never really happened to me (except as a couple of atacks), men asking for sex. "Countless offers," you say! I wonder what could be attracting that and not broader kinds of male interest.
 
  Reply With Quote
livinagin is offline livinagin Post #8  June 12,2010, 2:16pm
livinagin's Avatar

excited about working again!

Virtuoso

Joined: Apr 2008

Somewhere in Central Florida

Posts: 3,237

See profile

I was gonna say attitude because it is clear as day. Have to agree with DLionFrog on this one. How you feel about yourself is reflected to everyone you meet. And I think Icon hit on a topic that takes time to learn -- guys can see insecurity a mile away.

Not trying to be "harsh" but give you a good reality check. You might want to find out how to learn to love yourself first. And that reflection will be picked up by the guys -- trust me, I was there.
 
  Reply With Quote
waltercl is offline waltercl Post #9  June 12,2010, 2:27pm
waltercl's Avatar

is Feeling good about life ............................

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

The South

Posts: 1,711

See profile

You referenced your weight, but I'm with others in that this is probably not the major factor. I do believe that a lot of guys want someone who is proportionally the same size or smaller, but there are a lot of bigger guys out there so that shouldn't be a problem unless you are specifically targeting smaller guys.

You talk about them only seeing you as a friend, and that makes me wonder if you are coming across as "one of the guys." We seem to see more of these kinds of posts from guys who find themselves constantly caught up in the "Friend Zone."
 
  Reply With Quote
kscovill is offline kscovill Post #10  June 12,2010, 2:43pm
kscovill's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 22

See profile

@DashMN you are right there . maybe i could put my 30000 dollar smile to use by all means im not trying to brag about my smile. Ive been told it is a nice one and thank you for your kind words i don't take it at all harsh or rude .
you seem to be a zen master at this . so tell me how do i flirt without seeming stupid. i seem to put my foot in my mouth when have tried to flirt.

@waltercl. yeah the friend zone is were i seem to be . i have really never been the one that men are attracted too . it is nice having guy friends but i get sick of it after a while . I like a guy that is looking for what is on the inside not my boobs . I do get a laugh out of guys that look down there . i have once or twice said hi my face is up here not down there . most of the time the guys are ones i dont seem to be attracted too.

@Iconography . I am not really sure what i do to get that attention . I try to shy away from guys like that . the short lived guy i dated for a week was such a wreck about being away from home he cried on the second date. other than that i have never had a serous relationship..

@D_Lion: Fair Play to you . I think that you were a bit harsh with your words but i do see what your saying .
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Moving too fast | Dating | The incredibly late weekend and date roundup for Feb. 19 -20, AND.... »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
One month on eH: too soon to throw in the towel? FengShuiBlackBelt Using eHarmony 13 August 4,2010 6:24pm
Girl throwing mixed signals muzikguy77 Relationships 24 May 21,2010 4:29pm
Throwing a Bachlor Party: How's it Done justme27 Chit Chat 3 January 17,2010 9:23am
BUSY THROWING JUNK AWAY cloudedleopard A Peaceful Oasis 0 August 23,2009 2:29pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:58pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0