Let's meet for a rita!


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kissme1970 is offline kissme1970 Post #1  June 11,2010, 11:56am
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Where are all the nice guys?

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I went out with a guy last night who asked me to meet him for a margarita (it was a 2nd date). I'm all for that, but he wanted to meet at 7:30p. My question is, do guys typically mean dinner and a drink or drink only. Being that it was dinner time, I wasn't sure if I should eat before or wait until the date. I didn't want to say "sorry, I've already eaten." Also, if I'm drinking, I need a little food in my system.

It was a little strange... he was eating a ton of chips and salsa and mentioned he was hungry. I said that we can eat here too... but he said "I know, but I don't want to eat very much." Around 15 minutes later, he suddenly got a table and said let's eat. At that point I had eaten my share of chips and was self conscious about ordering anything big because I knew I couldn't eat it all (and being a mexican food restaurant, everything is big).

Again, I'm just curious to know what guys mean by let's meet for a drink. Any feedback will be appreciated.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  June 11,2010, 12:10pm
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Usually I take "meet for drinks" as meet for drinks. If it happens to be in a place that serves food, and he asks to continue the date with dinner, I've usually eaten and will make a point of telling him that. But will order something small (dinner salad, a la carte item), if I'm enjoying myself and do want to continue.

I have a very good friend who likes to take people out, just for the heck of it. He would say to me "let's meet at the brewery and have a beer", when I knew he meant "let's meet at the brewery, have a beer or two, eat a ton of food and I will pay". But, that's just him.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  June 11,2010, 12:19pm
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I've run into both types... was meeting for drinks with one guy, and he wanted to order food... I had already eaten and let him know that I wasn't hungry. He ordered an appetizer for us anyway, as this was important in his mind to make sure that he was being a gentleman.

Most guys that I've gone on first dates with that are just drinks, will definitely ask whether or not I'm hungry and want to order something. If I order something, which I normally don't, they also order something. If I don't, they typically don't.

My expectation is that if it is a first date, and we're meeting for drinks... it is just drinks. That's all I want it to be.

if this is a follow-up date, then I will specifically ask whether we're eating or not ahead of time.
 
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Antalicus is offline Antalicus Post #4  June 11,2010, 12:21pm
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In that situation I would have assumed he meant just drinks and that you probably should have eaten before, but he was not clear.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #5  June 11,2010, 12:26pm
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I am not ambiguous about dinner or drink plans when asking someone out. I tend to make plans ahead of time. There have been a couple of times where I have gone out and she has already eaten but I had not eaten anything all day, it was no big deal, she had a dessert or appetizer and I ate a meal.

I think people make too big of a deal out of what is expected of some social laws when it comes to going out. If I take a girl out and I am hungry but she isn't and she just wants to drink than that is perfectly acceptable and I would hope she wouldn't get bent out of shape because I was eating.

I rarely go out though where I don't offer to get something to eat, as I am a bit of a foodie I enjoy going out to various places and most of my dates in life have involved lunch/dinner or a snack of sorts.
 
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kissme1970 is offline kissme1970 Post #6  June 11,2010, 12:26pm
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I did eat something small before the date because I knew I would be drinking. I definately will ask next time. But by asking, do guys think you are being pushy for them to buy you dinner, too?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #7  June 11,2010, 12:43pm
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stevex wrote :
I think people make too big of a deal out of what is expected of some social laws when it comes to going out. If I take a girl out and I am hungry but she isn't and she just wants to drink than that is perfectly acceptable and I would hope she wouldn't get bent out of shape because I was eating.
But, you're pretty young right? It might be a generational thing... I normally date older guys (in their late 40's or 50')... and this is a HUGE deal for them. They think it's the rudest thing in the world to eat in front of me if I am not eating. And, especially on first dates, I really do not like to eat, so make sure to tell them this up front. Even now, if I'm on a date with the guy I'm seeing, or I make him dinner and I'm not hungry, then he always has an issue with eating in front of me, even if I insist that he eat. I try to tell him up front it I'm not planning to eat so at least he will be prepared.

I actually think it says a lot that this means so much and they want to make sure they are not disrespecting me. Not saying anything about guys who do not do this... just think it's a pretty interesting mindset. Younger guys I've dated wouldn't have an issue at all eating... hey, they asked didn't they !
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #8  June 11,2010, 12:46pm
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jussmile wrote :
I actually think it says a lot that this means so much and they want to make sure they are not disrespecting me. Not saying anything about guys who do not do this... just think it's a pretty interesting mindset. Younger guys I've dated wouldn't have an issue at all eating... hey, they asked didn't they !
I think you are perfectly right, and I think in general I tend to be the kind of guy that doesn't get offended by many things and I enjoy the company of women who are the same way. I feel there are a lot of things that are supposed to be about respect when in reality they have nothing to do with respect but more about tradition and I am a very untraditional guy. I suppose this is one of those things.

On the other hand, I open doors for my girlfriend and still let her order first and stuff so I suppose I still got the tradition of being a gentleman
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #9  June 11,2010, 12:58pm
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jussmile wrote :
But, you're pretty young right? It might be a generational thing... I normally date older guys (in their late 40's or 50')... and this is a HUGE deal for them. They think it's the rudest thing in the world to eat in front of me if I am not eating.
I wouldn't feel right eating in front of someone who isn't also eating. I think it would be really rude to do that if somebody was on a diet and really needed to avoid the kind of food that was available. Most people will not call you on something like that and they'll say to go ahead and eat even though you're kinda torturing them by doing so.
 
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lucas7419 is offline lucas7419 Post #10  June 11,2010, 1:07pm
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jussmile wrote :
I actually think it says a lot that this means so much and they want to make sure they are not disrespecting me. Not saying anything about guys who do not do this... just think it's a pretty interesting mindset. Younger guys I've dated wouldn't have an issue at all eating... hey, they asked didn't they !
I don't think it is an age issue as much as how they were raised. I am only 34 and have those same beliefs but my grandad taught me a lot, along with my step father about respecting women. And yes I also still open doors for them (car included) and let them order first. Compliment them and mean it. So that is JMO on that.
But the original question I would have asked if this was the time you normally eat. I know I would not have been offended but I wouldn't meet at that time for drinks prob earlier then if going well asked if you would like to grab dinner and continue the conversation/evening
 
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