Planning the date... when flexibility is actually bad...


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  June 11,2010, 8:04am
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I'm of the belief that when it comes to dating, you should be open to any new adventure that comes your way, prepared for any new food experience, or just simply able to relax at his house or yours and watch a good movie, talk or listen to music. For this reason, I typically am up for just about anything when it comes to dating.

I've found though, that being so flexible, isn't always a good thing. I dated a guy, who would always ask what I was in the mood to do, and my answer pretty much came out as, "anything." Now, I know this can sometimes be the, "I expect the guy to come up with the date, and then I might complain about it if he doesn't read my mind and choose something I wanted to do"... thing, but it really wasn't. When I have an opinion about something one way or another, I will voice it, but most of the times, when it comes to the actual "what" to do on the date, I'm really open, and have no strong opinions one way or the other, as I think anything can be fun. I can throw out a bunch of ideas, and pretty much could go in any direction... but, I have found this can often be frustrating to a guy who wants someone whom they feel needs to be decisive.

Do guys really want a woman to give directives on the date? I mean, beyond throwing out ideas... to just say, I want to do X. Would it be better to just say you want to do X... even if you don't mind doing Y or Z...?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  June 11,2010, 8:28am

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jussmile wrote :
I'm of the belief that when it comes to dating, you should be open to any new adventure that comes your way, prepared for any new food experience, or just simply able to relax at his house or yours and watch a good movie, talk or listen to music. For this reason, I typically am up for just about anything when it comes to dating.

I've found though, that being so flexible, isn't always a good thing. I dated a guy, who would always ask what I was in the mood to do, and my answer pretty much came out as, "anything." Now, I know this can sometimes be the, "I expect the guy to come up with the date, and then I might complain about it if he doesn't read my mind and choose something I wanted to do"... thing, but it really wasn't. When I have an opinion about something one way or another, I will voice it, but most of the times, when it comes to the actual "what" to do on the date, I'm really open, and have no strong opinions one way or the other, as I think anything can be fun. I can throw out a bunch of ideas, and pretty much could go in any direction... but, I have found this can often be frustrating to a guy who wants someone whom they feel needs to be decisive.

Do guys really want a woman to give directives on the date? I mean, beyond throwing out ideas... to just say, I want to do X. Would it be better to just say you want to do X... even if you don't mind doing Y or Z...?
Depends.
 
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Antalicus is offline Antalicus Post #3  June 11,2010, 8:28am
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We do at least part of the time, otherwise we feel like we never get to do something you genuinely like because we are guessing.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #4  June 11,2010, 8:51am
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I don't mind choosing what to do for dates. If she's simply a laid-back kind of woman and up for pretty much anything, I'll usually listen for things she's likes or is interested in while we're together, and then plan future dates around those interests. Spontaneity is good too. Sometimes it's a blast to just pick a neighbourhood or nearby small town and just go and see what's there or what happens.

If she's an overly indecisive and/or demure person, I won't be dating her for long since I don't find those traits attractive, so date planning is usually not an issue.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  June 11,2010, 9:29am
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Turn it around - what if you were asking him what he would like to do today and the answer was always "anything you want."

It can be a very frustrating response to deal with and you do run the risk that the person will get tired of always having to come up with something or worse simply get utterly bored with you.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #6  June 11,2010, 9:41am
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jussmile wrote :
Do guys really want a woman to give directives on the date? I mean, beyond throwing out ideas... to just say, I want to do X. Would it be better to just say you want to do X... even if you don't mind doing Y or Z...?
Sometimes, yes. Not all the time or even most of the time but at least often enough to get a feel for the things you actually want to do.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #7  June 11,2010, 9:58am
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dmi wrote :
Sometimes, yes. Not all the time or even most of the time but at least often enough to get a feel for the things you actually want to do.
DancingFool wrote :
can be a very frustrating response to deal with and you do run the risk that the person will get tired of always having to come up with something or worse simply get utterly bored with you.

Okay, I can understand both of these things... and, I can even understand a guy's frustration if he is the one who has to always come up with all of the plans. I can understand that, but honestly, since I am personally not good at planning outtings, that is one trait that I sincerely appreciate in a guy... not required, but a HUGE turnon.

But, what about the person that actually offers ideas or suggestions of fun things to do, and doesn't just wait for the guy to plan. What if this person is still open to doing many things... but, not just coming right out and saying, "I want to go to the movies." What if she says... "I would love to go to the movies, listen to music, go for a walk, do a picnic, or even go back to your place to watch a movie."

Guess the question is, is it actually a turnoff to leave things so broad? Even if a person didn't care whether they went to the movies, went to listen to music or just went back to the house to watch a movie, is it better to just pick one of those things so you appear to really care one way or another?
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #8  June 11,2010, 10:12am
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jussmile wrote :
Guess the question is, is it actually a turnoff to leave things so broad? Even if a person didn't care whether they went to the movies, went to listen to music or just went back to the house to watch a movie, is it better to just pick one of those things so you appear to really care one way or another?
Yes, pick one. Indecisiveness is not a turn-on.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #9  June 11,2010, 10:14am
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I don't mind doing the planning and all that. I just need some help with what to plan. I mean, can't you just pick up a newspaper, find something interesting, and mention it? Like... "I see the county fair is coming up next week. I haven't been to once since I was a kid, it sounds like a lot of fun."

That's a lot different from "I want to go to the fair." It gives me some idea of something you specifically want to do without demanding we do it.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #10  June 11,2010, 10:44am
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insertscreenname wrote :
Yes, pick one. Indecisiveness is not a turn-on.
flexible = indecisive ?
 
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