peonies37 is offline peonies37 Post #1  June 10,2010, 6:48am
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I posted a bit ago about a guy I had met who was asking me personal questions too early on--like after the first date..Well, he made it to date four and now things are not great..Kinda my fault but he was sending me mixed messages..
He told me he mentioned me to his Mom already..said I was someone he could see having a future with down the road..asked if I was seeing anyone else..We shared stories about our first marriages, family, work, etc..I thought we were getting along--
BUT, he would text me instead of really calling..I felt like I was the one doing most of the calls..so I stupidly sent him a text after I tried reaching him twice by phone, saying that I hadn't heard from him in two days and if he is not interested he should just be honest but don't play games with me..I was told I was dramatic (and maybe I was a bit) but then he called me and we spoke for a bit..He muttered under his breath that I was a "stalker"--which I'm totally not by the way..I just wanted to know where I stood with him..I guess in retrospect it was too soon to be asking those questions..but he went from being in touch every day to saying "Oh I was busy"....Now he took down his photo off e-harmony..we are still "in communication" but the photo has disappeared..Kinda weird, no? I feel like he's trying to tell me he's not interested and that seems childish.. I know I was wrong to text him so innappropriately and I would apologize but I think he'll believe I'm stalking him if I call/text..
 
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Antalicus is offline Antalicus Post #2  June 10,2010, 7:14am
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How often are you communicating with him before he contacts you back?

For the most part guys don't like being on the phone so texting or face to face is always preferred.

I take down my profile when im seeing someone so no one else can contact me in that period. This might not be the case if you haven't met face to face, or barely know each other but for me I don't like dealing with more than one woman at a time.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  June 10,2010, 7:34am
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Why would you expect to hear from someone every day that you just met? No relationship has been established. If someone called me twice in one day and then text me after not hearing from me in 2 days, asking me if I was interested, I would feel pressured, and would run in the opposite direction. Much too much too soon. Take a breather. If he's already muttering under his breath you're a stalker you have your answer. You're sending the "needy" message loud and clear. You would scare me to death.
 
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Joti is offline Joti Post #4  June 10,2010, 7:57am
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Alli824 wrote :
Why would you expect to hear from someone every day that you just met? No relationship has been established. If someone called me twice in one day and then text me after not hearing from me in 2 days, asking me if I was interested, I would feel pressured, and would run in the opposite direction. Much too much too soon. Take a breather. If he's already muttering under his breath you're a stalker you have your answer. You're sending the "needy" message loud and clear. You would scare me to death.
agree
 
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Antalicus is offline Antalicus Post #5  June 10,2010, 8:43am
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For future insight 2 days near the beginning of the relationship is not a long time to not hear from someone. I have been dating a girl for about a month and haven't seen her in a week and sometime we don't talk for 3 days...

Some people just move at a different pace.
 
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peonies37 is offline peonies37 Post #6  June 10,2010, 9:00am
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I honestly have been out of the dating pool for some time so all this is new to me..I am used to someone contacting me more frequently..
He also contacted me once before when he had not heard from me in two days, asking if he had done something wrong and he was afraid I was going to close match on him..so double standard right there..it's ok for him to do it and not me?
I'm not a needy person..I just did something impulsively..I think everyone deserves a second chance..but maybe in his book this is a deal breaker..
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #7  June 10,2010, 9:38am
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I suspect that if he's referring to you as a stalker, he's done with you. At this point, there really isn't anything you can do to make things better, but, a lot you can do to make things worse. I'd say just chill a couple weeks and if he doesn't get in touch with you move on.
 
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peonies37 is offline peonies37 Post #8  June 10,2010, 9:49am
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He is a huge joker so not sure if he meant it or not..but even to say that in jest is hurtful..And yes, I'm making it worse by even giving it a second thought and blaming myself over and over for my actions..He's not the last guy on earth that's for sure..I think maybe I should give this dating thing a break and focus on myself..
Thanks again for all the advice..
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  June 10,2010, 11:43am
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Well, as you say he was sending mixed messages. Overly personal questions early on, telling you he's told his mom about you, talking about a future together ... all within the first 4 dates. That man was moving at light speed.

So then you get bent out of shape after 2 days of no contact and get confrontive with him and he calls you a "stalker"? Wow.

Very mixed.

I see no need for you to back off dating, unless you want to. I'd back off dating this particular guy! But perhaps think about what kinds of boundary issues matter to you, where your lines are, etc. ... and then make a conscious effort to respect your own boundaries in the future?

Why stop dating though? You learn through dating and relationships how to form good relationships. You can't really just sit back and think it through, as a hypothetical.

Really, what's the damage done here? Some difficult feelings is about it, right? That's just life.

Better luck next time!
 
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Antalicus is offline Antalicus Post #10  June 10,2010, 1:26pm
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Yea, if he wasn't completely kidding about the stalker comment this guy is a head case. He was the one who brought up his mom...
 
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