I long should I wait before communicating again?


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esweetie is offline esweetie Post #1  June 10,2010, 4:48am
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So a match on eH wanted to communicate with me. We went through the guided communication process quickly and then I sent the first email. The first email was pretty funny and flirtatious. After that we were sending emails to each other everyday for about week. I kept the emails really light and funny. Each one ending in a question asking about himself. (You know trying to get to know him) The following monday, I sent him a response to his email he sent me the day before, but no response. It has been four days now and still nothing. I'm just assuming now that he's just really busy, on vacation, bussiness trip, or family emergency. I was gonna give it a week and then send another email to see what's up. Is that a long enough time to wait before sending another email or should I just move on?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  June 10,2010, 4:53am
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Dont send anything else. There was no electronic malfunction and maybe he decided that he wasnt interested anymore. Sending another email would be senseless. He hasnt forgotten, he simply isnt that interested for whatever reason.

I'd be suspicious if he pops out of nowhere later to try to pick things up, especially without explanation.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 10,2010, 5:05am
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Totally disagree with the above. E-mails, txts, voicemails notoriously disappear into the electronic black hole.

It does not hurt you one bit to send him another e-mail, something short and light wondering how he is doing. If he is interested he'll respond and then you can find out what happened and if he is not interested, at least you'll have clear confirmation of that. Playing stupid games about I sent you an e-mail and will never speak to you again because you did not respond in a timely manner is just stupid.
 
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esweetie is offline esweetie Post #4  June 10,2010, 5:39am
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I was thinking the same thing DancingFool. I also attached our email conversation. Want to know (if anyone has the time to read it) if I was getting too personal too soon, starting the "21 questions" thing, or acting needy by responding back so quickly. Any feedback would be great. Sorry, but you gotta start reading from the bottom then work your way up.
Sender: E
Subject: That's Nice
Date: 06/07/2010 Message: That's nice that you have family in (his hometown here). I believe that being around family is important. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't go to my parents for advice, understanding, guidance, or just to vent. I always say that I'm blessed for having such intelligent parents as well. So how long have you been in (his hometown here) ? Did you and your family move there once you got accepted to college?
Sender: S
Subject: RE: OK
Date: 06/06/2010 Message: My mom and grandma stay here, my brother and sister stay back in philly, but I get back every now and then to visit
Sender: E
Subject: RE: OK
Date: 06/05/2010 Message: So do you get home sick? Do you go to Philadelphia often or do you have family in (his hometown here) as well?

Sender: S
Subject: RE: OK
Date: 06/04/2010 Message: haha maybe not everydayyyyyyy lol After college I was recruited by the company that I work for now, I guess that would be the main reason I stayed. Not soo much the cold just the fact thats its winter half the year lol
Sender: E
Subject: OK
Date: 06/02/2010 Message: Oh! So your one of those people that would BBQ everyday if you could. Huh? So what made you stay in (his hometown here) after you graduated from college? Why didn't you leave since you mentioned in your profile that you aren't to fond of the extreme cold there?
Sender: S
Subject: RE: OK
Date: 06/01/2010 Message: Haha I can neverrrrrrr get enough bbq lol. well london sounds fun, I know a few people that went they had a ball. I think id love to visit there too.
Sender: E
Subject: OK
Date: 06/01/2010 Message: So how was the cookout? Are you so sick of BBQ now that you don't need anymore for a couple of weeks? Or is that just me? My top 3 places to visit?...hummm good question. I would have to say that I would love to go to Milan, Italy to shop my butt off, Miami, FL to party my party my butt off, and London. I've always wanted to go to London. In fact when I was in highschool, my plans at the time were after medical school, I would move to London to practice medicine for a few years then move back to the states. But after I found out that if you are a physician overseas you can't immediately pick up were you left off when moving back to the states. So obviously I axed that idea and now just want to go and visit. A close girlfriend of mine is going to London later this year, and I'm prying that I will be able to go. Something always comes up that is more important when she invite me on her trips, but we'll see.
Sender: S
Subject: RE: Holiday plans?
Date: 06/01/2010 Message: Haha well both and I put all kinda stuff in my spaghetti lol. Ive been all over the country to most major cities worth goin to really. What are your top 3 places to visit.
Sender: E
Subject: RE: Holiday plans?
Date: 05/31/2010 Message: Cool..a cookout, seems like that's going to be fun. Spaghetti? LOL Is that your favorite dish because it's so easy to make or you just like pasta? I personally like to make any dish with shrimp in it. I don't know what it is, but seafood is like crack to me. Its so good, but yet so expensive. So what places have you been able to explore? (Since you like to travel) I've only been to a few states, nothing out of the country, but I hope to one day soon.
Sender: S
Subject: RE: Holiday plans?
Date: 05/30/2010 Message: Yeah im actually cookin at a cookout tommorrow. I think my favorite dish is spaghetti but i love trying new recipes. How about you?
Sender: E
Subject: Holiday plans?
Date: 05/30/2010 Message: Oh no problem (about the compliment that is). I don't plan on doing to much for the holiday, just debating which relative's house I'm going over for BBQ and probably go visit my grandfather at the cementary. I try to go see him every year around this time. What about you? Are you grillin for the holiday? You mentioned in your profile that you cook. What's your favorite dish to prepare?
Sender: S
Subject: RE: Hello
Date: 05/29/2010 Message: haha I love hgtv myself, Im always willing to try something fun or help someone. Haha well thank you, we (his name here) have alot to live up to hmmmm. So "E" what are youn doin for the holiday?
Sender: E
Subject: Hello
Date: 05/29/2010 Message: Hey there. I'm really new to this and have just signed up to communicate with people today. I just finish completely reading your profile and I feel bad now that yours is so detailed compared to mine. I must say that OMG! it is so weird how you like to do so many things that I do. Especially home improvement projects. I live for HGTV and the Do-it-yourself network. I consider myself a very handy individual. And if I didn't love science so much, my backup career was going to be an interior decorator. Wow, and why is it that every (his name here) that I have encountered so far is so good looking?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  June 10,2010, 5:46am
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his messages to you are so blase its almost funny.

i wouldn't bother with him
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  June 10,2010, 6:00am
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Hi esweetie, welcome to EHA.

I think you could send 1 more email. If you do, I would suggest you put in something about "would you like to meet up" (assuming this is not long distance). In reading through your emails i was struck by how much more fun and interesting this exchange would have been, in person. Also how much more you both would have gotten to know about each other.

I think for a lot of people, interest starts to wane after the first email or 2. There's just a loss of momentum. See if you can meet up with him! Good luck.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #7  June 10,2010, 6:01am
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I agree with Nanette. I also notice you didn't answer his question about places to visit.

Why didn't any of these communications mention meeting or at least calling? You might have stepped into the penpal trap and it wasn't what he wanted. (Though he wasn't stepping up his game, either.)
 
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Antalicus is offline Antalicus Post #8  June 10,2010, 6:59am
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As a man I do not see any problems with this guys email responses. You can't always jump to conclusions on someone based on stuff like this.

Send him another email and you will most likely get your answer. Odds are the last email got shuffled in his others.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  June 10,2010, 7:03am
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In my reading of your e mail exchange, I picked up he was just being polite in responding to you. You appear to be more engaged and interested in him. You've been leading the conversation. Sorry but that's my take. Move on and find someone more into you.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  June 10,2010, 7:49am
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Sounds to me like a perfectly normal lighthearted exchange between two strangers. I don't know how anyone can read much into this one way or another.

This is really not that complicated. If you are interested and want to send him another e-mail in a day or so, then do it. It will put your mind to rest one way or another. The worst that you can do to yourself is look back and wonder what if.
 
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