Rynok is offline Rynok Post #1  June 6,2010, 5:52pm
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Why does it always seem like you have to wrestle alligators for a living in order to be "exciting enough" for somebody? Know what I mean? You say "I like watching TV, going to movies, cooking at home, having small adventures like biking or camping, and learning new things" and people are like "Oh crap avoid that sucker, he's boring and you don't want him, go with Guy #2...he builds houses for a living, grows his own vegetables, runs a marathon every weekend, bikes 50 miles a day, and scuba dives with his free time!".

Most of my friends, when I think about what they do, like 98% of their life, it's stuff like Guy #1. Hanging out consists of playing Apples to Apples or watching TV or grabbing a bite to eat. That's not stuff you can put on a dating profile though, no sir. Put the 2% as if you do it all the time and really enjoy it and you might get a bite. Just seems like I'm missing something.

Sorry, just seen this type of thing a few times on profile reviews and I've got similar stuff on my profile and no dating success so I figure the two are connected. (Not only profile related, real life people ask what you do, and your in the same boat...make up stuff or you come across as boring and uninteresting because "everybody" does those things)
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #2  June 7,2010, 6:07pm
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I think you're looking at this from the wrong angle. It is very possible to take your "boring" activities and describe them in a non-boring light. Make a comment or two about the types of movies you like and why. Describe what your best dish to cook at home is.... even if it's just a great burger on the grill. Mention the places you like to go biking or camping, and maybe why you enjoy those activities. Let your matches know you have a humorous/intelligent side with a description of the board games you like.

Personally, I am turned off by the type who runs a marathon every weekend and bikes 50 miles every day. I regularly close guys whose passion is riding their Harley on poker runs every week. If a guy on eHarmony sends me 2nd Questions that are all of the "adventureous" variety, I know we're not going to hit it off.

I used to get asked "What's your hobby?" It had me stumped.... is laundry a hobby? But there are lots of things I like to do that I do list (and they're not what I consider 'hobbies' or adventurous activities). Maybe I'm too boring for some guys, but that's okay... those sky-diving, bungee-jumping, storm-chaser guys are guys that are a better match for someone else. If a guy likes to go to concerts, dancing, out to eat now and then, catch a movie, and socialize with friends.... that's all the adventure I need.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  June 7,2010, 6:39pm
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I agree with WW. If you describe your activities as boring, then they will be seen as boring. I can say "I like to cook" or I can say "Homemade scones and lasagna are my specialties". Which sounds more fun?
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #4  June 7,2010, 6:55pm
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In the past I have battled with the same thing that they OP has battled with. I am a nerd, my pastimes are viewed by most as rather boring. When my made my dating profile I worried about this, I mean if I put on my profile that I was active in amateur radio, computing, electronics, photography and that I enjoyed being lazy and streaming Netflix what women would actually find that a turn on? But like Wonderwoman said it is all about how your present it and also like she points out different women are into different things. Would you really want a woman who wanted a guy different from you?
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #5  June 7,2010, 7:53pm
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You have a couple of choices: You can either take up the things that people find exciting, or you can find someone who does not find what you enjoy to be boring.
 
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Rynok is offline Rynok Post #6  June 7,2010, 11:15pm
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wrote :
You can either take up the things that people find exciting, or you can find someone who does not find what you enjoy to be boring.
As 'stevex' mentioned, computer programming, or even the more basic "problem solving" isn't all that great a chick magnet. What else do I enjoy? Got a few enjoyable tv shows and animes, also not huge on the chick meter, no matter how awesome and fun you describe it. I mean, how can you make "crunching numbers" or "financial calculations" sound exciting? It's not, and I understand that. The problem is, what is exciting? I mean, bungie jumping just doesn't do it for me, I'm not a thrill seeker, but sometimes looking at profiles they all blur unless you see stuff like that (although even then it's like "Wow, interesting. She plays with fire sticks, that's cool.").

PS- Just got a nice 1 hour lecture about how if you stop looking for girls and you work on self improvement that girls will suddenly come "out of the woodwork and find you!" like it's some fantasy tale outta a childs story book. Ugh
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  June 7,2010, 11:33pm
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Here's the thing. The lecture you just listened to isn't off by much. I don't want a guy focused on finding a girl. He is happy with himself. That in itself is a very attractive quality in a man.

I'm not saying you need to take up fire dancing or sky diving. But, if you never leave your computer desk to do anything but eat, sleep and use the loo, you aren't going to attract anyone.

Maybe take your laptop to a coffee shop with WiFi.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #8  June 7,2010, 11:40pm
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*raises hand* Um, some chicks are into anime...

But besides that, do you really do nothing? If the anonymous Guy #1 describes you, then you bike and hike. Great, so say, "Love hiking up Mount Nittany, especially in autumn" or "Like to bike on Sunday mornings after brunch." If Guy #1 isn't 100% you, say what is you. Someone else here made a great point about being specific. Hiking might be on everyone's profile, but Mount Nittany won't be. Biking--boring, but biking + Sunday brunch, a little more interesting. Add details that can make your potential mates *picture* your activities. Cooking, boring. Grilling up a steak? Interesting and informative. TV, boring. LOST, or True Blood, or Burn Notice, or Bleach? Interesting! (To some people, at least.) Just be creative and specific. No need to take up sky-diving...
 
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Rynok is offline Rynok Post #9  June 8,2010, 5:27am
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Yeah, I kind of see the point. I don't think I'm super boring, but even describing yourself as "I love hiking Mount McCinzie" is't being that true unless you do it a lot. I could say "I love snowboarding in Colorado" or such, but really...how often do you get to snowboard? Once a year? Twice a year? Assuming you dated someone for a year, if that's what perked their interest and you do it twice? Seems misleading. :P

It's not like I'm an unhappy person or I complain all the time or any of the red flags like that. I know those are a turn off, and I know I don't enjoy those things coming from others. That said, I don't have girls approaching me randomly either (example: coffee shop). I was making jokes about the "come out of the woodwork" because it's just like when people say things like "It was the last place I looked".

Also, more true representation of myself. I have about 3 friends I see on a weekly basis (after work), a few more I travel to every few months to go visit (like a weekend), a church group on Mondays that's enjoyable, and during the school year I'm usually busy with the masters program stuff. I enjoy biking, but haven't been in a while. Going camping this summer, but it also isn't something I'd say I do "a lot" of or even enough to really put in a profile beyond enjoyment. I mean, camping by yourself is kinda lame. I mean, if it's most likely a side they won't see at least for a couple months (it's infrequent) then I don't really mention it.

And yes some girls enjoy anime (as proven by Girls > Guys @ A-Kon). Overall though, they seem to drop out as they get older...which is fine, I've only got a handful I actively watch anyways, so I don't really claim it. I think if you put it in a profile, it gives images you may not necessarily agree with or want, just like if you put "video games". I like a few video games, but not enough that they really carry much weight. Just good for free time when your bored.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  June 8,2010, 5:47am
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You are a classic case of glass half empty...... Whoever lectured you about self improvement definitely had a point.

Here is the thing - why in the world do you think that listing something like I enjoy snowboarding means I do it 365 days a year? For almost everyone, I enjoy snowboarding means just that - once or twice a year, if they are lucky, they get to indulge in that. A lot depends on where they live and how easily accessible that is, i.e. someone living in Colorado v. Florida.

I enjoy camping, usually means summertime occasional event with friends. It does not imply camping every weekend. It's an interest not a daily or weekly event.

When people list interests like that and many others, they are simply showing what they may be into. For instance, saying that you like camping even though you haven't had a chance to go the past two years does not change the fact that you like camping and would happily go with your new partner given the opportunity. When someone tells me that they like camping, they are telling me that they like outdoors and would be willing to join me on a camping trip - that's all. Who cares if they went camping 2 years ago, last week or heading out in two months.

Watching anime - same thing. Mentioning that may actually raise interest in the right girl who is also into that. Obviously, though you are not glued to the tv watching it 24/7 or at least we would hope not.

Show your interests and be positive and lose the I have to be doing this every day to qualify attitude.
 
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