Women still living with parents


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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #1  June 6,2010, 6:47am
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I remember a thread about guys in their 30s still living in parents, where the consensus was that it's a dealbreaker for most women, unless a guy takes care of a sick parent or does it short-term.
What about women in the same situation? Suddenly I've two matches who live with their parents. Both are in their 30s, living longer term, and parents are healthy.

The issue comes up when I try to understand their likes/ dislikes. I ask what they like to watch on TV, what like to eat or cook, etc. I don't know how to perceive answers like "mom cooks great so we don't go out much" or "mom cooks everything and maybe I'll learn from her later" or "whatever my parents are watching on TV".
I like to be open minded, but I cannot figure out what my intuition is telling me. It's trying to tell me something, not sure what.
This is a first for me.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #2  June 6,2010, 6:54am
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cal_dude wrote :
...What about women in the same situation?...
one must consider each situation on it's own merits. but i must say, it is definitely not a deal breaker for me...
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  June 6,2010, 7:01am

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I think their answers are more concerning than them living at home.

if they wer living at home to save money, and had a life independent from their parents- at the least having other interests and their own TV, then that's ok.

If they are super traditional women they would at least learn how to cook for themselves in order to prepare themselves for the role of wife/mother in that situation.

red flag for sure.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  June 6,2010, 7:07am
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30?

Can't answer because its a different generation than me, and this isn't the same world world as when I grew up...
When I was 30 I didn't see it a lot...seems it's much more common these days.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  June 6,2010, 7:10am
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Do you know what their cultural background is? Certainly there are some cultures where it is more the norm to stay in the family home until married, so that might be a consideration.

I have a friend in her mid-30s who also lives with her parents. She has a room in their basement that functions as a private space for her. And, she prepares most of her meals on her own (she has a frig and microwave down there). She works and earns decent money, so it's not an economic issue (I've never asked if she pays her parents any rent, so can't speak to that). They are Mormon, so there is some cultural support for being highly family-centered, but she herself is not particularly religious (never goes to Temple), so I don't think this is a large factor in the situation.

It all seems to work well for them, but I continue to urge her to try living independently. She is very "comfortable" with the situation as it is, but I do think that it keeps her from getting out and meeting people and having an active social life that focuses on friends (including men) rather than family.

I guess the point is that you have to assess each situation. I, too, would find those responses you quoted to be problematic since they suggest a lack of independent thinking or self-sufficiency.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #6  June 6,2010, 7:12am
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I'm also in the wrong age group to determine if 30 is too old to be living with the parents. I did run across a few guys in the mid-forties that were never married and still living with mom. They are just in a different part of their lives, and don't fit where I am at all.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  June 6,2010, 7:15am
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About half my partners lived with her parents, and it never was a problem. (I was in my 20's at the time.)

I would much rather a person is living in a decent neighborhood, than a slum (and where I live, the cost of housing is astronomical.)

I also had most of my partners still in school (usually graduate school.)
 
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #8  June 6,2010, 7:22am
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neardc wrote :
Do you know what their cultural background is? Certainly there are some cultures where it is more the norm to stay in the family home until married, so that might be a consideration.
...
I guess the point is that you have to assess each situation. I, too, would find those responses you quoted to be problematic since they suggest a lack of independent thinking or self-sufficiency.
Both were born here (so no foreign cultural customs). While both are somewhat more religious comparing to me, it didn't look like the sources of such arrangement.

Yes, I agree that certain independence is important. When I was in my 20s, I was looking for women that would depend on me more. What I got are women who always did what their mothers told them (sometimes rightfully so as many Moms know best, but sometimes a completely weird, self-destructive stuff). So now I do look for more independent women. So maybe that's what my intuition is telling me...
Last edited by cal_dude; June 6,2010 at 7:27am.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #9  June 6,2010, 7:27am
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I will add in response to some of the additional comments that I live in a very expensive part of the country (Washington, DC) and the norm here is certainly for young people to work and live independently. Of course there are some who live with their parents (particularly if they are still in school -- I have my law student niece living with me for just that reason), but once out of school people generally move out on their own, typically living with roommates.

I view the issues involved with someone in his or her 30s continuing to live in the parental home (without obvious reasons for it) as different than those for people in their early or mid 20s for whom it's much more in synch with their developmental stage.

If one desires independence, there is usually a way to obtain it, even in areas of the country where the cost of living is high.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #10  June 6,2010, 7:29am
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cal_dude wrote :
So now I do look for more independent women. So maybe that's what my intuition is telling me...
I'm thinking it's not a universal red flag,some guys are looking for someone they can take care of. But for you, where you are in your life and what you are looking for, it looks like it should be a red flag.
 
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