Exactly how does the subject of STD's tactfully come up?


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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #1  June 5,2010, 1:14pm
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Here's a random thought. The line usually goes that one reason you should wait a little bit to have sex is that you barely know the person so you don't know if they carry any STD's. That makes me wonder just how you ever -do- know if somebody has them or not. Past sexual history isn't polite conversation, and I don't know how to tactfully say "Sooo, are there any diseases I should know about?" I mean really! And then you don't know if they're being entirely honest, and people don't exactly keep test results in their dresser drawers (or get those tests to begin with).
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  June 5,2010, 1:28pm
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If you're going to have sex without ascertaining this information, just use condoms.

Then, afterward, you can just state that you expect to both get the tests. It's fine to insist on it.

I think it's better to do so beforehand.

Past partners is not a necessary topic, but that you want a sex relationship, and what you want from one, is.
 
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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #3  June 5,2010, 1:32pm
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Seriously? "Lets go get some tests just to be sure" is standard operating procedure for a dating couple? I never would have guessed. I would have thought the connotations and implications would have been off putting at best or insulting at worst.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  June 5,2010, 1:36pm
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I respect a man more when he wants to be sure we are both "healthy" to have a sexual relationship. Why risk something when you don't have to? It is a low/no cost option to the alternative, getting a STD.

If anyone takes offense to you wanting to be sure you aren't exposing yourself to something that is a preventable disease has more issues than you should be dealing with.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  June 5,2010, 1:41pm
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This will change as you get older.

You are protecting yourself from some serious, common downside, offering the same reassurance to your partner; you are also signalling you're inclined to see your partner as something more than a "hook-up."

Agree with the above: if she balks, she probably has issues (or reason to hide her status, which is itself a deal-breaker.)
 
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gracepoint is offline gracepoint Post #6  June 5,2010, 1:46pm
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You definitely need to discuss it if you want to be completely safe. There are many inexpensive testing services which are confidential listed on line. They are labs which are near where you live and are legitimate medical services. They will test you and send the results to you on line or in the mail or you can pick up a hardcopy from them. My partner and I did this and shared the results with each other. We both felt better and more confident and neither of us was put off or offended.
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #7  June 5,2010, 2:05pm
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NJGeek81 wrote :
Seriously? "Lets go get some tests just to be sure" is standard operating procedure for a dating couple? I never would have guessed. I would have thought the connotations and implications would have been off putting at best or insulting at worst.
Seriously. The consequences for not requesting this can be huge.

I will risk insulting him to protect my health.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #8  June 5,2010, 2:28pm
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If you don't have any STD's, you could ask: "Is there anything in particular you'd like to know about me?" That way you open the door to that conversation.

If you do have STD's, the discussion should probably come up only when the relationship has advanced to the point where sex is anticipated by both of you.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #9  June 5,2010, 2:33pm
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Glory be. Something else Dlion and I agree about.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  June 5,2010, 2:38pm
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nightling wrote :
Glory be. Something else Dlion and I agree about.

nightling wrote :
nightling *wonders* who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?



Not what I had in mind!
 
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