Who should be chasing who?


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Engineer is offline Engineer Post #1  June 3,2010, 7:32am
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First I'd like to state that I am one of those guys who likes when girls chase him. I know its unconventional, but to each his own.

I can't help but notice a common pattern in relationships. The girl sits and waits for the guy to call, ask her out, check up on things. The guy doesn't call and the girl gets angry/depressed or outright starts questioning "does this guy even love me?". While I believe there may be very rare cases where lack of love is the reason, most of the time I think most guys are just busy or don't feel like idle-chatting about nothing (if I am at work for example, each day is really not that much different than the others, and there is really nothing new to report).

So my question is this. If you expect someone to call you, and they don't, why go off on a tangent to la-la land, why not just pick up the phone and call them or send them a quick text?

I also believe the ideal chasing is bi-directional. Both people have to try to initiate, and if one doesn't then the other shouldn't wait and do it themselves.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #2  June 3,2010, 7:43am

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The term chasing gives the inference of "desperate", not healthy in any relationship. Mature adults recognize the importance that both parties take initiative to stay in contact and share in making plans to spend time together.

Wanting someone to chase you also demonstrates a desire to play games, which is a good recipe to undermine any potential to develop a positive relationship.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #3  June 3,2010, 7:49am
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I tend to be sometimes reserved. So, I make the extra effort to put myself out there to indicate interest and receptiveness if I am interested in a guy. I wouldn't call it "chase," I'd call it showing transparent interest and taking initiative. Men and women should both do this.

At the same time, there are boundaries. It is very reasonable to lob a ball into someone's court and leave it there. If I call and don't get a call back, I will usually do one more contact attempt but then that's that. I expect reciprocity.

Ignoring signs disinterest, being insistent and engaging in repeated overtures is "chase" and giving someone undue priority. I don't advise men or women to do this.

ETA: I don't sit and wait for anyone. Of course I have hopes and disappointments but I know that unless there is initiative and reciprocity up front, it's not the right person for me. So I keep moving forward.
Last edited by 2clueless; June 3,2010 at 7:51am.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  June 3,2010, 8:18am

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Engineer wrote :
First I'd like to state that I am one of those guys who likes when girls chase him. I know its unconventional, but to each his own.

I can't help but notice a common pattern in relationships. The girl sits and waits for the guy to call, ask her out, check up on things. The guy doesn't call and the girl gets angry/depressed or outright starts questioning "does this guy even love me?". While I believe there may be very rare cases where lack of love is the reason, most of the time I think most guys are just busy or don't feel like idle-chatting about nothing (if I am at work for example, each day is really not that much different than the others, and there is really nothing new to report).

So my question is this. If you expect someone to call you, and they don't, why go off on a tangent to la-la land, why not just pick up the phone and call them or send them a quick text?

I also believe the ideal chasing is bi-directional. Both people have to try to initiate, and if one doesn't then the other shouldn't wait and do it themselves.
Heck, if I could find a cute woman who's bi-directional that would be kinda interesting

but the women you're talking about, maybe they're being 'traditional'...ya know.the man needs to call, mow the lawn, etc.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  June 3,2010, 8:31am
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Engineer wrote :
First I'd like to state that I am one of those guys who likes when girls chase him. I know its unconventional, but to each his own.

I can't help but notice a common pattern in relationships. The girl sits and waits for the guy to call, ask her out, check up on things. The guy doesn't call and the girl gets angry/depressed or outright starts questioning "does this guy even love me?". While I believe there may be very rare cases where lack of love is the reason, most of the time I think most guys are just busy or don't feel like idle-chatting about nothing (if I am at work for example, each day is really not that much different than the others, and there is really nothing new to report).

So my question is this. If you expect someone to call you, and they don't, why go off on a tangent to la-la land, why not just pick up the phone and call them or send them a quick text?

I also believe the ideal chasing is bi-directional. Both people have to try to initiate, and if one doesn't then the other shouldn't wait and do it themselves.
So then how can you like to be chased and actually expect it?

When a guy wants to be chased he is completely SOL with me. It creeps me out and passive men are probably the least attractive of any kind of man in existence. Sorry, just my opinion.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 3,2010, 8:34am
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Why should anyone be chasing? If a girl feels that she needs to be "chased" then that is just playing games which I have no need of.
 
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Georgetheman is offline Georgetheman Post #7  June 3,2010, 8:44am
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Engineer wrote :
don't feel like idle-chatting about nothing (if I am at work for example, each day is really not that much different than the others, and there is really nothing new to report).
Boy do I identify with that... but I've come to take it this way: she wants to talk to me. That's a good thing, even though I have nothing to say.
 
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Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #8  June 3,2010, 8:54am
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Engineer wrote :
I also believe the ideal chasing is bi-directional. Both people have to try to initiate, and if one doesn't then the other shouldn't wait and do it themselves.
I agree with this part. When I feel the other party is not so interested, regardless how intelligent, hot or whatever he is, I am walking. Not interested in wasting my time in any type of pointless games.
 
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slaw is offline slaw Post #9  June 3,2010, 9:13am
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This thread makes my brain hurt. No one should be chasing anyone. People who chase are desperate, needy and lack self-esteem. It may be flattering to the chasee but it isn't attractive.

Gr8Guy, women prefer to be pursued by a man initially because that's how people are hardwired after thousands of years. But you are right about girls egging guys on - if she's making you chase then she isn't interested in you rather she is interested in all the things you are doing for her.
 
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Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #10  June 3,2010, 9:45am
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I do want to point out that some people are a little shy or socially inept. They may need some more obvious hints or support, which I am fine with.

I called my eH match a day after our 3rd date, telling him exactly the following:"I like you a lot. And I feel you like me too. But I don't want to act on assumptions. So do you still want to continue seeing each other?"

I know it sounds really odd and nerdy, but that's how I am. If my date doesn't like it, he can call it a quit so that we can both save some valueable time. Luckily, he does
 
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