What do you think about this situation?


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CARL45 is offline CARL45 Post #1  June 2,2010, 6:12am
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I have dated this woman two times last month. Both times I enjoyed myself and she has enjoyed herself. I asked her after the first day if she was free the next week she said that she would check because she had relatives coming over I said sure. I figured that alright perfectly reasonable. The next time I tried to set up she said she would be busy for a few weeks. I said yeah this is understandable because she's a teacher. She told me she has to do grades and she was moving to another class room. She also talked about school year not being done and how she is annoyed with that stuff. I decided to try and plan a date in later in the month like the 19th. I asked her if she was free and she said she was not because she was leaving on a trip. I also figured maybe this summer for her was just busy. At this point I was a little annoyed because I asked friend if it was a good sigh for someone that you think your trying to date to always be busy so much they can't have a date. He said that wasn't that there's always time for a date. Now I both agree with him and disagree with him. There's a part of me telling me that she's not interested in me anymore and there is a part of me telling me that I just meet her and that she may just be busy. I asked her tonight kind of in a joking manner if she was busy for the month and she said yes that she was very busy. I asked if her July was free and she said she didn't plan that far. I want your opinion on two things. Is it normal for me to feel annoyed about this? and secondly is this normal at the beginning of dating someone? I hate to say I feel embarrassed to be annoyed like this.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  June 2,2010, 6:19am
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If you are getting lots of "I'm busy then" responses to your suggestions of a follow-up date, she probably doesn't want to go out with you again and isn't direct enough to say so. She's trying to just fade out without confrontation. I totally understand the teaching being busy part, but she is going beyond that to really make sure you don't set up any plans.

In the future, if you get something like this and you like your match, just put the ball in her court. Tell her to contact you when her schedule frees up, since she is the one with the scheduling difficulties. Don't wait around expecting a response -- move on and keep your options open. If she's genuinely busy, she'll get a hold of you when she's free if she can't suggest an alternative date that works for her at the time that you are asking.

That's the key right there.... someone who's interested in you will want to offer an alternative date so she doesn't miss out the opportunity to see you if she really is busy and can't make it when you suggested.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 2,2010, 6:22am
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Ummm.....you are not picking up on a big clue here - she is not interested in you and giving you the equivalent of "I have to wash my hair tonight". Some people just don't have the courage to tell someone that they are not interested, so they take the more passive approach of natural attrition - eventually you'll give up and move on.

For future reference, the difference between someone being busy but interested in you and someone who is just using that as an excuse is a simple one. The interested person will suggest an alternative time or date that works for them and the uninterested ones will not suggest anything. The bottom line is that nobody is so incredibly busy that they can't take the time out one evening to go out to dinner with you.
 
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derek74 is offline derek74 Post #4  June 2,2010, 6:33am
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Yep...close it out and move on. Don't contact her anymore. Nobody is that busy.
 
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magict is offline magict Post #5  June 2,2010, 6:37am
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derek74 wrote :
Yep...close it out and move on. Don't contact her anymore. Nobody is that busy.
Especially teachers in the summertime at least the ones I know
 
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Antalicus is offline Antalicus Post #6  June 2,2010, 10:34am
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Yea I would take that as a hint if a teacher was saying she was busy once most schools are already out.
 
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slaw is offline slaw Post #7  June 2,2010, 11:29am
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Everyday there is a post like this. Occam's Razor always applies. She isn't interested. Why bother with being annoyed? Move on. Don't let her actions affect your mood.

In the future, the best way to avoid wondering about stuff is to give her specific actions to do: call me tomorrow, meet me on friday, etc. Then, if she consistently doesn't do those things you don't have to guess about her intentions.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #8  June 2,2010, 11:40am
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Sorry dude, she's not interested. Cut your loses and move on.
 
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beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #9  June 2,2010, 11:54am
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I agree with the other posters. She's just not interested in you and doesn't quite know how to tell you. She's hoping you'll eventually get the message and just go away.

No need to get annoyed; just keep it moving.
 
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sciencegirl is offline sciencegirl Post #10  June 2,2010, 12:04pm
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There is always time to go on a date with someone. Its not like you need the entire day, just a couple hours. She obviously isn't interested. I had a match do that to me. After two dates he was always "busy" so I just moved on. I have a hectic and irregular schedule but I always make time to see my boyfriend even if its only a few hours on a weeknight.
 
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