whatashameaboutme is offline whatashameaboutme Post #1  June 1,2010, 8:22pm
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How difficult is it to find someone that's a "match" - I define match by, each side is physically attracted to one another, both sides have conversations that flow really well...both sides are equally interested in spending time with one another?

I'm not necessarily looking for the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, but I'm looking for long-term potential.

What also happens is, my loneliness manifests itself into hyper-sexuality. I guess what happens is I think, "It would probably be really easy to find someone who can at least turn me on sexually" so I get obsessed with that and go into typical guy mode.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  June 2,2010, 7:47am
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Hi whatashameaboutme!

Well finding a good match is not as easy as falling down stairs, or there'd be no interest in things like EHarmony! But clearly people find good matches all the time ... all kinds of people do.

One thing that makes it more possible to find a good match is to get to know yourself well. Your statement about loneliness driving you into hyper-sexuality is evidence that you are capable of doing that -- of understanding yourself.

Of course the next step is not letting knee-jerk reactions to this or that uncomfortable feeling rule your life. Yes?

Welcome to EHA!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 2,2010, 8:04am
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shrug...if it was easy, everyone would be a couple and there would be no dating sites, matchmakers or anything else such.

However, feeling desperate can be a vicious cycle - it makes you unattractive to the opposite sex and keeps you single and more desperate. To break that cycle, you need to focus on the positives of being single and being happy with your life. As soon as you feel that inner satisfaction, you'll attract people to you and stop being single. Ironic in a way.
 
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Joti is offline Joti Post #4  June 2,2010, 8:06am
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whatashameaboutme wrote :
What also happens is, my loneliness manifests itself into hyper-sexuality. I guess what happens is I think, "It would probably be really easy to find someone who can at least turn me on sexually" so I get obsessed with that and go into typical guy mode.
Me too even though I am not a guy
 
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whatashameaboutme is offline whatashameaboutme Post #5  June 2,2010, 4:25pm
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Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but if a woman is playing games right from the get-go or is hard to reach, I'm assuming she isn't that interested and that she probably isn't mature enough for or desires a long term relationship somewhere in the future.

I expect her to answer my call (since I don't phone-stalk) and if she can't, call back when she gets the chance. If we make plans, she doesn't cancel at the last minute, and if anything, calls an hour or two before just to confirm.

I also like conversations that just flow. By that I mean, I can truly be myself and not be judged for it. I was on the phone with a girl from a dating site, and after only a few minutes of talking she all of a sudden "had to go" and never heard back from her.

In other words, I want a woman, not a girl, where I don't have to put on a front or use a dating guideline to wonder if she's interested.

In the meantime, however, I have hormones that are out of control, and it's reached a point where I'm probably going the casual route to satisfy them (as long as I don't have to lie or mislead or hurt anyone in the process.)
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 2,2010, 4:35pm
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whatashameaboutme wrote :
How difficult is it to find someone that's a "match" ...
Damn near impossible
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #7  June 2,2010, 4:42pm
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[quote=whatashameaboutme;998860]Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but if a woman is playing games right from the get-go or is hard to reach, I'm assuming she isn't that interested and that she probably isn't mature enough for or desires a long term relationship somewhere in the future.

I expect her to answer my call (since I don't phone-stalk) and if she can't, call back when she gets the chance. If we make plans, she doesn't cancel at the last minute, and if anything, calls an hour or two before just to confirm.

I also like conversations that just flow. By that I mean, I can truly be myself and not be judged for it. I was on the phone with a girl from a dating site, and after only a few minutes of talking she all of a sudden "had to go" and never heard back from her.

In other words, I want a woman, not a girl, where I don't have to put on a front or use a dating guideline to wonder if she's interested.

In the meantime, however, I have hormones that are out of control, and it's reached a point where I'm probably going the casual route to satisfy them (as long as I don't have to lie or mislead or hurt anyone in the process.)[/quote]

Join the club.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #8  June 2,2010, 4:52pm
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whatashameaboutme wrote :
Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but if a woman is playing games right from the get-go or is hard to reach, I'm assuming she isn't that interested and that she probably isn't mature enough for or desires a long term relationship somewhere in the future.

I expect her to answer my call (since I don't phone-stalk) and if she can't, call back when she gets the chance. If we make plans, she doesn't cancel at the last minute, and if anything, calls an hour or two before just to confirm.

I also like conversations that just flow. By that I mean, I can truly be myself and not be judged for it. I was on the phone with a girl from a dating site, and after only a few minutes of talking she all of a sudden "had to go" and never heard back from her.

In other words, I want a woman, not a girl, where I don't have to put on a front or use a dating guideline to wonder if she's interested.

In the meantime, however, I have hormones that are out of control, and it's reached a point where I'm probably going the casual route to satisfy them (as long as I don't have to lie or mislead or hurt anyone in the process.)

If you have been alone for a long time you may have some habits or attitudes you have picked up along the way that turn women off. You don't really have to change yourself but you might want to be aware of these and keep them in check, especially in the early stages of dating.

I would drop your assumption that women automatically are playing games if they don't call you back when you give them your number. Many women would never call a man on a matter of principle. It is scary, makes us look desperate and is turning us into the pursuer which is not a comfortable position for many women to be in. It doesn't hurt for you to do a follow-up call, not stalking her but just a call a few days later. Also, just so you know, I have never heard of any woman calling a few hours prior to confirm a date.

One thing that might help is to give every woman the benefit of the doubt. Just be your nice, genuine, sweet self and be willing to be flexible. Having a "take it or leave it" kind of attitude is not going to help you get what you say you want. If you want us to be the kind of woman you want then you need to make a little effort to be the kind of man we want.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  June 2,2010, 5:08pm
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whatashameaboutme wrote :
I expect her to answer my call (since I don't phone-stalk) and if she can't, call back when she gets the chance. If we make plans, she doesn't cancel at the last minute, and if anything, calls an hour or two before just to confirm.

Everyone needs to receive or reply to communication. Women get no excuse for this (unless they live with daddy, and daddy will hand her to hubby at the appointed time.)

If someone doesn't reply to your communication, you are being played. Give up before being played for money.

Cancelling is equally lame. Legitimate cancellations are rare (I can not recall ever doing do, in 15 years), and need to be accompanied by a clear reschedule. She should also seem apologetic, and sincere in her desire to see you.

What you describe is a common problem.

I would say calling to confirm in innapropriate - maybe if there is a long drive, or pre-arranged agreement to confirm, but otherwise this just seems fearful. You could try stating you wish to confirm at an appointed time, and then, if she doesn't, you just don't go. (I've never had a woman not show up, so I think this is unnecessary.)


whatashameaboutme wrote :
I also like conversations that just flow. By that I mean, I can truly be myself and not be judged for it. I was on the phone with a girl from a dating site, and after only a few minutes of talking she all of a sudden "had to go" and never heard back from her.

I think she should be judging you for who you are! What do you want? To be judged on who other guys are?

She gave up on you because she thinks she can do better. Best to find this out while it's still free. Yes, she is rude to end the call on a lie. Best to find this out while it's still free, too.


whatashameaboutme wrote :
In the meantime, however, I have hormones that are out of control, and it's reached a point where I'm probably going the casual route to satisfy them (as long as I don't have to lie or mislead or hurt anyone in the process.)

I've found that all possible relationship partners want sex. So, I don't think this is an effective solution. If you're successful, I'd like to hear your results.

Good luck!
 
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whatashameaboutme is offline whatashameaboutme Post #10  June 2,2010, 5:42pm
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Basically what I was getting at was that I feel the woman should be as interested in me as I am in her and that I don't chase, especially a woman I don't know well.

As far as the pre-date call, that's just something my ex did and I appreciated it. I did all of the "work" so to speak by making the plans, initating the calls, but she made her interest clear and I didn't have to think "does she like me?"

I kind of hate though that even though I don't fit the classic definition of an a**h0le, that I'm becoming what I hated a few years ago...that is, attempting to do the manwh0re thing while waiting for someone long-term. I guess the difference is, the a**h0le never wants long-term.
 
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