It's about paying, kinda


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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  June 1,2010, 5:05pm
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This isn't to debate the rules of who pays. I have my opinions on the subject, as does everyone else.

I recently turned down a breakfast date with a fairly cool guy. I suggested something later in the week and he seems good with that. Here's the reason why I turned it down. I didn't have any money. Until my check arrives I have about $2 to my name and I don't feel comfortable going on a date if I can't cover my half, if the need arises. I didn't tell him why, no need to appear broke, even if I am.

Does anyone think it is odd of me to turn down a date for this reason? Has anyone done the same? Do you think even if you don't have money you should just go?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  June 1,2010, 5:09pm
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Well, I think I'll start going and then say "oops, I have no money."

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You have a decent plan. Going, only to say, "oh, I would contribute but have no money" sounds worse than a good old fashoined "thank you very much."

Rescheduling with a specific alternate time is a good way to do that, too, whatever the reason.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #3  June 1,2010, 5:12pm
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You definitely made the right move. Sucks to be living paycheck-to-paycheck, though. (Me too, at the moment.) Hope the date goes well!
 
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VastoLorde is offline VastoLorde Post #4  June 1,2010, 5:13pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
This isn't to debate the rules of who pays. I have my opinions on the subject, as does everyone else.

I recently turned down a breakfast date with a fairly cool guy. I suggested something later in the week and he seems good with that. Here's the reason why I turned it down. I didn't have any money. Until my check arrives I have about $2 to my name and I don't feel comfortable going on a date if I can't cover my half, if the need arises. I didn't tell him why, no need to appear broke, even if I am.

Does anyone think it is odd of me to turn down a date for this reason? Has anyone done the same? Do you think even if you don't have money you should just go?
It depends on you really. I don't think your reason for not going on the date is wrong.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #5  June 1,2010, 5:13pm
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It's not odd at all.

In fact, I just turned down a date with my guy in--well, let's just say an exotic locale because, although he would be covering food and lodging, I can't responsibly afford the airfare.
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #6  June 1,2010, 5:32pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
This isn't to debate the rules of who pays. I have my opinions on the subject, as does everyone else.

I recently turned down a breakfast date with a fairly cool guy. I suggested something later in the week and he seems good with that. Here's the reason why I turned it down. I didn't have any money. Until my check arrives I have about $2 to my name and I don't feel comfortable going on a date if I can't cover my half, if the need arises. I didn't tell him why, no need to appear broke, even if I am.

Does anyone think it is odd of me to turn down a date for this reason? Has anyone done the same? Do you think even if you don't have money you should just go?
I would have done the same thing, and have.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is online now Dropdeadredtx Post #7  June 1,2010, 5:39pm
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I think the thing that is so important, especially for an early-stages date, is for both parties to be comfortable and at ease. How can either person relax and be themselves if they are worried about the cost of the date, the horrible cold they are pretending NOT to have, the 8 hours of work left on the presentation due first thing in the morning? Any reason that takes your mind off of your potential partner can be dangerous - what is actually worry about an external matter might appear to be disinterest or lack of focus on your date.
I think it was a very good call on your part, very mature.
 
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Diann1950 is offline Diann1950 Post #8  June 1,2010, 5:45pm
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I know that if I couldn't pay for something and I explained why, my guy would pay without a qualm, but from what I can tell he paid a great deal of his deceased wife's and her children's expenses and I really don't want to put him in that position. He is very understanding about things like that when I feel out of my depth, but I know he really appreciates my paying my share. It also helps make some distance between what was and what is.
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #9  June 1,2010, 6:34pm
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You did what made you comfortable, given the circumstances. I think that's always a good call in the dating world.
 
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derek74 is offline derek74 Post #10  June 1,2010, 6:44pm
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Heh I can totally feel your pain. It stinks being a guy and in the same situation. I've got a match lined up in OC now and I'd really like to ask her out, but holy cow I'm broke. After paying all my bills I've got about $50 to my name until the 15th. I hate to not ask her out for another 14 days...could spell missed opportunity...but at the same time I've gotta be sensible about my money. I could do coffee easy enough...but she lives about an hour away from me...so once you add travel time/gas money, its almost not worth it.
 
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