TrailRunner99 is offline TrailRunner99 Post #1  June 1,2010, 9:40am
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Completely new to doing this online. I'm a guy btw. So I go through open communication and now I'm at the email portion. What is normally expected? Do people usually exchange emails for a while, do I ask for a phone call, or mention that I'd like to meet for coffee? My goal is to meet as soon as possible but I don't want to be too forward.

How do most of you approach this?
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #2  June 1,2010, 9:46am
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email back and forth a couple times or so, when you are comfortable then suggest to talk on the phone. Offer to call her, and then, talk. Don't push, the coffee will follow in time. All good things are worth waiting for.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #3  June 1,2010, 9:52am
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I've never been on E-harmony, but have got dates through other well known dating websites. It really does vary- sometimes, just a few e-mails then the lady wants to meet, other times, many months of e-mails/IM's and no meet. Sometimes one or two e-mails and the lady wants to talk on the phone/text. One of these led to an 8 month relationship from a site I had hardly used.

I think as a man, you have to consider how safe the lady you are talking to feels and follow her pace- they are all different! and with so many modes of communication available these days you just have to take it as it comes and go with the flow.

Don't rush things though or she might feel pressured and disappear!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  June 1,2010, 9:55am
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TrailRunner99 wrote :
Completely new to doing this online. I'm a guy btw. So I go through open communication and now I'm at the email portion. What is normally expected? Do people usually exchange emails for a while, do I ask for a phone call, or mention that I'd like to meet for coffee? My goal is to meet as soon as possible but I don't want to be too forward.

How do most of you approach this?
Tell her to meet you at Starbucks in twenty minutes!!




j/k..

some people want to meet quickly...others, not so much.
You can't be too forward with the right person.
Exchange a couple of emails and suggest to meet, if she doesn't want to right away, I suppose she'll tell you.

Good luck.
 
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sciencegirl is offline sciencegirl Post #5  June 1,2010, 10:18am
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It really depends on the girl, but personally I'd like to meet sooner than later, rather than waste my time chatting online since you can't really tell if there's chemistry till you meet in person. After a few emails you can suggest talking on the phone and see how it goes from there. It actually took about three weeks for me to meet the guy I'm dating right now. I actually had to ask him to meet cause I was getting impatient. Good Luck!
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  June 1,2010, 10:42am
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I think you could say what you said here: "I prefer to meet sooner rather than later but don't want to seem forward ... what's your preference for how long we stay in email?"

That way you can find out what she prefers, not have to guess. There really is a wide range of what people prefer.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #7  June 1,2010, 10:44am

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Sooner rather than later. You don't want your communications turning into a email friendship; I presume you want to explore the possibility of a relationship.

After a couple of initial contacts, email her and ask her what she would like to do in terms of an activity when meeting someone for the first time. You can then follow up with suggesting possible times to meet. First step is to ask for her phone number so you can coordinate dates and times.
 
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slaw is offline slaw Post #8  June 1,2010, 10:45am
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My main advice is to keep emails short, funny, casual, and always give her something to do at the end of them. Don't leave it confusing as to what is expected next.

On EH, because you have already corresponded somewhat and built up some rapport, just ask for her number in the first email - it isn't presumptuous. Maybe something like, "....Anyway, I'd love to chat, let me know a number I can reach you at this week". Once you get her number, send her a quick email telling her thanks and letting you know when you will call - this will create anticipation and won't leave her in the dark about when she might hear from you. I never mention "going out" or "date" at all.

Call her and tell her when and where you would like to meet her. That's it. This approach has worked 100% of the time for me with EH matches (even with very shy women).
 
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derek74 is offline derek74 Post #9  June 1,2010, 11:08am
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I agree with what other people have posted to some extent, but I think the open email communication phase is valuable. I recommend sending a few emails - I find that I learn a lot about a person by checking out their writing/ability to communicate. Ability to communicate plays heavily in attraction for me though. That might not be the case for you. Written communication also helps me to gauge her interest in me to some extent as well. If she's not willing to type up a quick note or doesn't ask me any questions about myself, that's pretty telling. Additionally, you will have more to talk about when you do meet in person.

Bottom line: Send a couple emails, then ask for the digits. Set up an in-person meeting. Keep it basic for the first date - like coffee or lunch or something that isn't too extravagant and gives her an out if she's not interested.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  June 3,2010, 11:05pm
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You know through GC whether the person can communicate. "A few emails" doesn't accomplish anything. "Digits" doesn't accomplish anything either.

You should know by the end of GC whether you're interested in meeting. If you are, say so and get on with it. If not, close and move on.
 
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