elkshedman is offline elkshedman Post #1  May 30,2010, 11:58pm
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i am scared to death of weman i cant go up to one and talk help me please
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #2  May 31,2010, 5:10am

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From your statement, it sounds like your not ready to converse with women in a dating setting. The first step is getting yourself comfortable in different social settings which put you in a position where you have to interact with women.

Take a class on something you enjoy possibly furniture making or photography; in these class settings people are focused on the class topic, not developing a relationship. You can learn to talk to women without the pressure that comes when you are trying to date them. It's a lot easier to talk to them when you are not trying to ask them out. Remember, some of them are just as nervous as you are.

Good luck
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  May 31,2010, 7:14am
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It may help to first learn to talk?

Then, learn some Jokes. Women like Jokes, and may laugh from time to time.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #4  May 31,2010, 7:21am
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And don't forget attention. Women like lots of attention.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #5  May 31,2010, 7:30am
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NYCpigeon wrote :
And don't forget attention. Women like lots of attention.
elkshedman,

Just don't be clingy and fawning with your attention, that's a turn off for most women.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  May 31,2010, 7:33am
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Hi Elkshedman and welcome to EHA!

That's a beautiful avatar you have there.

Cape Codder has some good advice. Find situations where you can get used to being around women without the pressure of having to talk to them or ask them out.

You will find out that they are just people, like yourself, with fears and insecurities and everything else.

There have been a lot of threads here about dealing with shyness ... you might want to go through lists of old threads and read them. Good luck!
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #7  May 31,2010, 8:28am

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Just another thought, take dancing lessons. Two reasons;

First, ladies enjoy it when a man knows how to dance.

Second, at dance classes you will get to meet women and will need to talk to them while everyone is learning to dance. You can improve your dancing skills and talking skills at the same time.
 
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RandomConstant is offline RandomConstant Post #8  May 31,2010, 8:33am
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There's little I can tell from your post that could help me in helping you, but I'll offer a few paths of introspection and, if you find they apply to your situation, then you can try my suggestion.

When you think of interacting with a woman, do you tell yourself that you want to establish a love relationship with her? Do you think about this even before you walk up to her?

Maybe, if you go that way, that you come to dread being turned down, or that some emotional pain will ensue along the road. Yes, they are legitimate fears; rejection may happen, you may break up.

So, what I would suggest: Instead of trying to initiate a relationship with a woman with the objective of growing into a long term relationship, try to just tell yourself that you have no objective beyond today, or beyond this hour. Try to take off the presure of perfect success, accept that it may just not work, walk up to her and say 'Hi' without no further expectation that she will say hi back.

Failure in that state of mind will be much less terrifying: Instead of fearing to fall off a 40-story building, you'll just step up from the street to the sidewalk, risking nothing but a comic fumble if you fall off that sidewalk. One you can so easily shrug up, and move on. And guess what? After you shrug this off, you will have talked to a woman!

Lastly, if you need a mental kick to get you moving, tell yourself that in order to see your dream come true, you have to make it come true.
Last edited by RandomConstant; May 31,2010 at 8:35am. Reason: Removed useless and bland paragraph
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #9  May 31,2010, 10:15am
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At some point, most men (boys at the time) have been there.

Ease yourself into some lengthy conversations with platonic female friends, if you have any. If you don't, just be a third or fifth wheel with a group of friends and their dates. This will enable you to get used to the flow of conversation and cue you in to their non-verbal communication. From that point, I would recommend finding a club or group for your hobbies and try making casual conversation with any women in those groups. Dates are often initiated from common interests.
 
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slaw is offline slaw Post #10  May 31,2010, 11:20am
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You just described 80% of men. Approaching strangers is abnormal, so, it's natural to be anxious and afraid. Building on tbesq's post, make it a point to talk to a bunch of strangers tomorrow. Clerks, bartenders, the guy in the elevator, etc. Get used to talking to people wherever you go. It helps you and has an added benefit - women notice when a man is accepted socially in a setting and people know him by name. Approach women in environments (activity clubs, your regular haunts) where you are competent and relaxed cause you will look more confident and that will help.

As for how to approach. Use the 3-second rule (i.e. see a woman, approach her within 3 secs). Go look up openers for women on google. That will help you get started if you don't know what to say. Practice at home. Then, you need to go and practice, practice, practice. You will be surprised how easy it is after a few days. I can guarantee that any regular guy, if he approaches 20 beautiful women over two days, will get at least 1 date out of it even if he sucks at it. And one date is better than no dates.....
 
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