Andie0264 is offline Andie0264 Post #1  May 30,2010, 6:33pm
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I have recently received requests to communicate from two men on eH. In progressing through guided communication, both said they could not stand overweight women. While I'm not huge, I definitely have some weight to lose and will likely never be thin. I have an accurate body shot on my profile. I am confused by both of these instances. Does not being able to stand someone overweight mean only those who are very overweight (which I used to be) and a few extra pounds is ok? Or am I about to get "dumped" by both for not being thin? One of them also said his partner must be considered "attractive" by society's standards. In response to both I told them I am not thin and likely never will be. I have not heard back from either (but I just added these disclosures tonight.) I'm not sure what to make of this. Should I not bring it up and let my body shot speak for itself? Or should I disclose as I did? Anyone have any clues?
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #2  May 30,2010, 6:35pm
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If you have accurate full body photos and they still approached you (or communicated with you) you can assume that, whatever their standard for "excessively overweight" is, it's larger than you.

Personally, I wouldn't have replied about being not-thin because they've seen the pictures so I'd let them make the judgment call themselves. Men are visual creatures; there's no way they haven't looked through all the photos you have posted.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  May 30,2010, 6:35pm
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Can you ascertain these are not free communicating matches?

As an unpaid person, I am unable to see photos.
 
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Andie0264 is offline Andie0264 Post #4  May 30,2010, 6:40pm
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If they are unpaid members, they can't initiate communication with me or respond to my communications, can they?
 
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Dropdeadredtx is online now Dropdeadredtx Post #5  May 30,2010, 6:41pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Can you ascertain these are not free communicating matches?

As an unpaid person, I am unable to see photos.
Great point - as a paid member, I wouldn't have thought of that.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is online now Dropdeadredtx Post #6  May 30,2010, 6:42pm
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Andie0264 wrote :
If they are unpaid members, they can't initiate communication with me or respond to my communications, can they?
Don't forget this is Free Communication Weekend, so they can.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  May 30,2010, 6:56pm
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I think you need to ask them what they mean with that particular MHCS item. Every man has their own definition of overweight. You might be just fine or you might be way too heavy.

But, by saying you aren't thin and you will never be seems very negative and I would be surprised if they get back to you ever.

I too fight my weight. I've learned to allow the men I meet to judge me for themselves.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  May 30,2010, 6:57pm
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Another thing to think about is the caliber of these men, and the level of success they are likely to have.

They may have a standard, but be allowing lonliness to override it.
 
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SeenaBeana is offline SeenaBeana Post #9  May 30,2010, 7:15pm
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Whatever the result, don't let it get you down. If you aren't their type, you're someone's - and he'll treat you like the gem you are!
Best of luck!!
 
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Andie0264 is offline Andie0264 Post #10  May 30,2010, 7:22pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Another thing to think about is the caliber of these men, and the level of success they are likely to have.

They may have a standard, but be allowing lonliness to override it.
One of these guys is pretty successful in his field and his name is not unknown to me. I was shocked that he intiated communication. I am pretty certain he is a paying member. He is a "flexible match" and initiated communication by way of an ice breaker within a couple hours of the match. I hadn't even been home to check my new matches yet. There is a small possibility he knows of me professionally, so maybe that was part of the attraction. Who knows? Guess I'll just have to see what happens.
 
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