charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #1  May 30,2010, 10:37am
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I still haven't found the one, but have come across a few guys that I was attracted to because they tended to undersell. If it said in their profile they could dance, they really could dance. If they said they liked playing tennis, but were very rusty, they were very good at tennis. Perhaps the humility pulled me in? Or maybe I just love it when they exceed expectations?

On the other hand, I've run across a few lately that I said I wanted an activity type date, joked that this was my "keeping up with me test" and let them pick the activity and venue. They both picked hiking because they both said this is what they were good at, and joked that don't worry, they would slow down for me.

Hiking is not in my list of preferred activities but with the right guy is a great way to get to know them so I was up for it. Here I would be, with a long winded response to a question only to look up and realize they are 50 yards down the mountain breathing heavily. I'm not in a competition here. I'm flummoxed why they picked a physical activity that was tough for them.

To contrast, another guy offered hiking, but admitted he was a bit slow with a bad knee and all. I paid more attention to make sure I did not get ahead of him, and found we were easily compatible on the hiking trails. He got points in my book, while the other two were less than impressive.

So my question is, for some folks, would the undersell be a turn off?
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  May 30,2010, 10:45am
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Undersell is preferable to oversell because as you say, you get a happy surprise instead of a disappointment when reality sets in.

(I wonder if advertisers for products that can be returned know this?)

The oversell I would interpret as "I think you want me (or women in general want me) to be this particular thing that I'm not really, so I'll go ahead and say I am all that, and ....... I don't know what I'll do when you find out I'm not!

The undersell? probably just a personality thing. I don't find it either attractive or unattractive.

Of course it could be you're just using a different rating scale: "I am very active." There's no Richter scale and seismographs to measure that. It's subjective.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  May 30,2010, 11:17am
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Yes. This is a big turn-off for me.

A lot of young women will list athletic abilities or inclinations, and then they can't deliver. It's been so bad, that I no longer plan a costly activity meeting until having a lot of experience with someone.

In my experience, this problem seems to stem from a desire to convey in the profile that the person is not sedantary.

I agree with the above, too - subjective scale.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  May 30,2010, 11:35am

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People can be underselling without being not-confident and I prefer to have that than overselling.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #5  May 30,2010, 11:55am
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In general, I think under-promise and over-deliver is preferable to the alternative.

On the other hand, when someone under-promises and under-delivers....this is not a good thing.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  May 30,2010, 12:01pm
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Which leaves the last alternate: over-promise and over-deliver ... Frog style!
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  May 30,2010, 1:54pm
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D_Lion wrote :
A lot of young women will list athletic abilities or inclinations, and then they can't deliver. It's been so bad, that I no longer plan a costly activity meeting until having a lot of experience with someone.
Activity meetings are not costly - they usually are free.

I think this was one of the very first things I posted about. It's a useful weed-out technique to challenge a match who says she's into running, for example, but whose pictures suggest that the 4th-grade track meet was probably the last time she moved her feet to any degree.

Bottom line, don't write something that you don't mean.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #8  May 30,2010, 2:34pm
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melman wrote :
Activity meetings are not costly - they usually are free.
This is why they make such wonderful dates early on. No reservations required. Low or no cost. They can checkout what I look like without makeup. I can checkout their legs. If you pick the right ones there is no ego out there at all.
 
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