Should I skip out on a first date?


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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #1  May 28,2010, 12:49pm
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I have been communicating in a limited fashion with a match for a couple months. We both had other matches that we were exploring and last week found ourselves unattached. We had a couple of nice communications and we setup a date for this evening. Everything was great until we had a lengthy conversation on the phone yesterday evening and the red flags started popping up all over the place.

Successful business owner = lives with her parents and sometimes sits dogs for an income.
Her parents pay the majority of her expenses.
Strong victim mentality that the world is unfair to her.
Her sister is an awful parent to one of her nieces (5yo) and her niece would be much happier living with her... which will most likely happen one of these days.
Her Ex has turned the whole church congregation against her so she needs to seek another church.
Had a foster child for a year and Child protective services is out to get her and keep her from being a parent.
etc...

This morning I am finding myself kind of dreading the date. I see way too many similarities to my Ex for this to ever working out.

1) Meet, be polite and social.
2) Come up with a lame excuse.
3) Hit the problem straight on and tell her I don't see a future before ever meeting her?

I will probably go with 1. My daughter is 5 and I don't have a good feeling about ever eventually introducing the two of them.

4 hours and counting!
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  May 28,2010, 12:53pm
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Let her know NOW that you don't want to go on the date. You might not want to tell her exactly why. If she has the victim mentality already she could turn it on you when you reject her.

Be direct in not wanting to go out tonight (or ever), don't make up an excuse so she is expecting you to schedule another.

I wish you luck.
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #3  May 28,2010, 12:56pm
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Yup -- I agree. Cancel, leaving no doubt it's a cancellation and not a postponement.
 
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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #4  May 28,2010, 12:58pm
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"I don't think we have enough in common"

"I don't think we are compatible"

?????

I agree that lies and excuses never make anything better!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  May 28,2010, 12:58pm
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Too late to cancel. Be polite, meet, be civil, keep it short and don't contact her again unless she does. If she does, let her know that you just don't feel the chemistry. Can't argue with that case closed.
 
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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #6  May 28,2010, 1:01pm
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DancingFool wrote :
Too late to cancel. Be polite, meet, be civil, keep it short and don't contact her again unless she does. If she does, let her know that you just don't feel the chemistry. Can't argue with that case closed.

This is my nature...

Probably will go this route...

ARG!!!!
 
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jacques102 is offline jacques102 Post #7  May 28,2010, 1:02pm
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Yup, Cancel NOW. Don't drag it on anymore than you have to.

Just tell her sorry, but...........................

...... My daughter is 5 and I don't have a good feeling about ever eventually introducing the two of them.

Kinda answered it for yourself right there anyway.

Your Arggg... above. You do not need to put yourself through meeting up and all that. Just tell her straight out after talking on the phone you do not think it is a good idea because her life and your life are way too different. You could tell her : what she has going on, is not what you are looking for, but surely there is someone out there who is. Just suggestions
Last edited by jacques102; May 28,2010 at 1:07pm.
 
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Buck is offline Buck Post #8  May 28,2010, 1:04pm
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Good luck and be quick about it (without being obvious if you can).
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #9  May 28,2010, 1:06pm
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mikeinor wrote :
"I don't think we have enough in common"

"I don't think we are compatible"

?????

I agree that lies and excuses never make anything better!
I was afraid you were going to ask that.

Seriously, though, the best route might be something along the lines of, "after our conversation last night, I came to realize that we're not as compatible as I thought. I'm sorry, but we're just not a match."

Be firm and keep the conversation as brief as possible.

(I know it's really hard to be this blunt... but in the long run it will prevent future stress.)

Good luck and let us know how it goes, whichever route you decide to take!
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  May 28,2010, 1:09pm
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Did you cancel yet?

I think you should. Be polite and kind but clear. "I would never introduce my child to this person" -- really doesn't clearer than that!
 
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