Should I cancel the date because other plans fell through?


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bluebuffalo is offline bluebuffalo Post #1  May 27,2010, 12:32pm
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I have gone on two dates with a guy, Roger, that lives two hours away from me. The first date was planned around my being in his town to stay with friends. The second date happened a couple of weekends later, this past Saturday, when he was passing through my city on a business trip.
I had made arrangements a few weeks ago to spend time with my friends that live in the same town as Roger this weekend. Knowing this, he asked if he could see me while I was there. Now, two days before my third date with Roger, my friend calls and says that she has to go out of town for the weekend.
I am very new to dating. As a matter of fact, Roger is the first guy that I have still been interested in getting to know better after a second date. But I'm just not sure how I feel about driving a total of four hours to see a guy that I really don't even know all that well yet. Should I cancel the date and risk hurting his feelings by giving him the impression that I'm only interested in seeing him because it was convienient? Would it even be a big deal to ask if we could reschedule? I'm probably just putting too much thought into this...
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  May 27,2010, 12:43pm
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Could you suggest a halfway point to meet? Then it's a 2 hour drive. Perhaps plan a long date, to make it worth it: all day.

I think it's ok to ask to reschedule though.

Have you tried Skype? -- internet video chatting. Might help move the relationship along without having to drive so much.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  May 27,2010, 12:43pm

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go and stay in a hotel.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  May 27,2010, 12:50pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
go and stay in a hotel.
yep..or,
Is your friend willing to let you stay at her place while she's gone?

bluebuffalo wrote :
I'm probably just putting too much thought into this...
yeah, but you're going to have to, for it to work...LDR..it is what it is.
Last edited by TheThinker; May 27,2010 at 12:52pm.
 
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bluebuffalo is offline bluebuffalo Post #5  May 27,2010, 1:10pm
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I've been thinking more about it and I think the real reason behind not being sure whether to follow through or not is due to my own insecurities. I can still stay at my friends house even though she won't be there. I have always had guys interested in me, while I didn't feel the same for them. Now that I've met Roger that isn't the case. I've never been vulnerable before. I'm not sure it suits me, haha.
I home-schooled so I didn't have the typical exposure to guy/girl relationships. I'm going into the adult world of dating without the luxury of dating with training wheels, so to speak, that high school has to offer.
Thank you for the feedback.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #6  May 27,2010, 1:21pm
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It doesn't sound like you're very interested in Roger if you can't decide whether to keep a date with him.
 
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juliamarie is offline juliamarie Post #7  May 27,2010, 1:43pm
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mrflyer wrote :
It doesn't sound like you're very interested in Roger if you can't decide whether to keep a date with him.
yeah, i'm echoing mrflyer. When I like a guy I get butterflies and a rush of energy, and I really want to see him! It feels like it would make my day to see him. Are you feeling that way?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #8  May 27,2010, 1:45pm

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bluebuffalo wrote :
I have gone on two dates with a guy, Roger, that lives two hours away from me. The first date was planned around my being in his town to stay with friends. The second date happened a couple of weekends later, this past Saturday, when he was passing through my city on a business trip.
I had made arrangements a few weeks ago to spend time with my friends that live in the same town as Roger this weekend. Knowing this, he asked if he could see me while I was there. Now, two days before my third date with Roger, my friend calls and says that she has to go out of town for the weekend.
I am very new to dating. As a matter of fact, Roger is the first guy that I have still been interested in getting to know better after a second date. But I'm just not sure how I feel about driving a total of four hours to see a guy that I really don't even know all that well yet. Should I cancel the date and risk hurting his feelings by giving him the impression that I'm only interested in seeing him because it was convienient? Would it even be a big deal to ask if we could reschedule? I'm probably just putting too much thought into this...
Tell Roger that your plan fell through but if he's interested in driving to your area and meet up. If he said no, then he failed the test then you (and the rest of us here) will live singely and happily ever after lol
 
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bluebuffalo is offline bluebuffalo Post #9  May 27,2010, 2:00pm
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juliamarie wrote :
yeah, i'm echoing mrflyer. When I like a guy I get butterflies and a rush of energy, and I really want to see him! It feels like it would make my day to see him. Are you feeling that way?
This is the first guy that I have felt that way with. I've been giddy and haven't been able to stop smiling since he asked me out on a third date. I'm not one of those girls that feels giddy very often. I think finally feeling that way about someone scared me. Then I thought of the song "I am a Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel. I'd rather risk opening up and being vulnerable than end up like that. I just let my nerves get the better of me. I'm definitely going to keep the date. I should have just been honest with myself in the first place instead of starting a thread. I'm just so nervous.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  May 27,2010, 2:05pm
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I see the conveniance of meeting when you were there anyway as legitimate for the first two meetings.

At this point, you ought to know enough about your date that the travel is justified solely for the sake of meeting.

If you don't agree, I think you should reconsider why you are interested in a person who does not fit with your desire to minimize travel.

***

It is a personal thing, but with that distance, I would be staying over. I would rather see the person twice a month, and spend the weekend each time, than more often while trying to commute.
 
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