Is it ok to compliment on looks in OC?


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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #1  May 26,2010, 2:20pm
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I head read somewhere a while back that when sending the first email to an online match it's best to avoid physical compliments at first and focus on what you noticed in her profile, the points being that 1) some pretty women has heard enough of it already and you'd risk being the Nth person to say she has a pretty smile, eyes, etc, and 2) you run this risk of being seen as shallow and that your attraction is merely physical. Is there anything to this or is this bunk as long as you talk about other things as well?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  May 26,2010, 2:33pm
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Not bunk at all. While I always appreciate a compliment, when you are complimenting me without having met me, you are really just complimenting my photo. It's kind of a neither here nor there thing. If the compliment is fairly neutral, like "you have a nice smile", that's fine. If it's something more detailed or over the top, I have to wonder just how genuine you really are as a person.

The basic rule of thumb is that since you don't yet know who you are talking to and how she will read that, it's better to be safe and stay off touchy subjects. Your goal is to actually meet her in person so you can both decide if you click or not in real life.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #3  May 26,2010, 2:34pm
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In your first OC e-mail, do not just address her looks. Women generally enjoy compliments on their appearance, even if they've heard it 100 time before. But yes, you are on to something -- definitely address other things you liked in the profile as well.
 
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slaw is offline slaw Post #4  May 26,2010, 2:57pm
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OP, your instincts are right on this. If she's attractive, she's heard it a million times and, while she likes it (who wouldn't), it won't make her more attracted to you. Second, emails don't have the benefit of your body language. Something you might think is playful and a little saucy might come off as strange and creepy.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #5  May 26,2010, 3:02pm
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I always get emails about ... you have pretty eyes... you have a pretty smile... etc... I liked photo "a" or something like that.

I normally write back and ask if there is anything they liked other than my pictures... genuinely interested if it is just my pictures that caused them to write. I can't tell you how many times I've had guys write who didn't even read my profile. Now, for some women, I'm sure this would be just fine... and I have nothing against a guy if this is what he's looking for.

It tells me though, that this is probably not the guy for me.

I think it boils down to the type of woman you are looking for. Would you want a woman who wants a guy who would just compliment her on her looks and not bother to understand other interests she might have, and how she views relationships, etc? If so, then send the compliment... nothing wrong with that.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  May 26,2010, 4:45pm
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One would think that a genuine compliment would be appropriate any time. However, I rather suspect that you are going to be better off saving any compliments until after you have met in person.

But I will add my standard disclaimer that I don't know anything about anything, particularly dating.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  May 26,2010, 4:49pm
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jussmile wrote :
I always get emails about ... you have pretty eyes... you have a pretty smile... etc... I liked photo "a" or something like that.

I normally write back and ask if there is anything they liked other than my pictures... genuinely interested if it is just my pictures that caused them to write. I can't tell you how many times I've had guys write who didn't even read my profile. Now, for some women, I'm sure this would be just fine... and I have nothing against a guy if this is what he's looking for.

It tells me though, that this is probably not the guy for me.

I think it boils down to the type of woman you are looking for. Would you want a woman who wants a guy who would just compliment her on her looks and not bother to understand other interests she might have, and how she views relationships, etc? If so, then send the compliment... nothing wrong with that.
You expect me to read the profile Why would I spend a bunch of time reading a profile when the likelihood of them responding to my e-mail is slim to none. Particularly if it is on Match.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #8  May 26,2010, 5:12pm
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Depends on the woman, duh?

I like to get compliments on the quality of my feathers, incredible writing skills, and sharp wit
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  May 26,2010, 6:11pm
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tbesq wrote :
In your first OC e-mail, do not just address her looks. Women generally enjoy compliments on their appearance, even if they've heard it 100 time before. But yes, you are on to something -- definitely address other things you liked in the profile as well.
If everybody writes compliments, and points out things they liked in the profile, then why should you? Be different.

The fact that you're writing at all, shows your interest. So there's no need to say anything more along that line. In my experience, all you need to say is:
1. Thanks for completing GC.
2. Maybe a comment about something in the profile. (a comment, not a gushing compliment)
3. That you look forward to meeting.

And that's it. No gushing, and no pleading. This always resulted in a response that the match was interested in meeting too... and then to setting up that meeting.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #10  May 26,2010, 6:24pm
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melman wrote :
If everybody writes compliments, and points out things they liked in the profile, then why should you? Be different.

The fact that you're writing at all, shows your interest. So there's no need to say anything more along that line. In my experience, all you need to say is:
1. Thanks for completing GC.
2. Maybe a comment about something in the profile. (a comment, not a gushing compliment)
3. That you look forward to meeting.

And that's it. No gushing, and no pleading. This always resulted in a response that the match was interested in meeting too... and then to setting up that meeting.
I agree with that. When I was online dating I typically didn't mention anything about the woman's looks in the initial OC. Most times, I never mentioned it until I met her in person.
 
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