Are You Dating a Walking 'Deal Breaker?'

Are You Dating a Walking 'Deal Breaker?'

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Are You Dating a Walking 'Deal Breaker?'


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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  May 26,2010, 1:02am
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Kate, I think you said it all in this one line "If you don’t think someone is the best for you, you are certainly not the best for them."
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  May 26,2010, 6:11am
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A wee bit confusing article to me. It opens with a guy who is apprehensive to sending First Questions to a match because she did not fit his ideal. Yet the core of the article is related to incompatibilities that surface as you get to know someone.

It should be a no-brainer that as you date someone and find serious character flaws that you should then end the that relationship to move on to more compatible matches.

However, you should also be open minded to begin the communication process without apprehension with almost every match. You also should go out with almost anyone at least once.

Two different concepts and should probably have been the basis for two different articles.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  May 26,2010, 8:12am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I don't see needing to feel uneasy or having a shaky finger when sending first questions, regardless of how much potential you think there may be. I mean....it's only answering a few questions via the internet, not promising your first born. That comes later. lol
 
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Northguy is offline Northguy Post #4  May 29,2010, 5:22pm
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from what I've seen in the past there are no such things as absolute deal breakers. I've met so many women who tell me that they would never date a man who..(Fill in blank here) but then they go out with the man who does all of those things they can't stand.
The way I see it. Once they meet one of those "dreamboat", rich or "Hot" guys, they will throw the list out the window. The can't stand list only applies to average guys.
 
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nunayabizness is offline nunayabizness Post #5  May 30,2010, 9:32am

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I find too many people have "checklists." Unless a person is in a dating pool of mutants, anything more that couple deal breakers (not counting obvious ones like being in prison, having multiple kids from multiple partners, etc.) shows that someone is probably not ready for a relationship anyway.
 
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Uncarved_Block is offline Uncarved_Block Post #6  June 7,2010, 11:44am
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We all have mental checklists. That is experience trying to talk some sense into an irrational human. Not all checklists are equal or even effective. But I will tell you that my last LTR filled mine out auto-magically. There are just some things I will NEVER do again. Getting all starry-eyed over some chick I know nothing about is one of them. Picking a mate from the bar crowd is another. Allowing a mate to convert what had been a relationship of equals to degrade into a dependence trip (emotionally and financially) figures pretty close to the top.

I guess my disappointments with that LTR are palpable. It always was a deal-breaker, I just wouldn't let my head tell my heart what's what. I thought I was 'flexible'. Nope. I was 'foolish'.
Last edited by Uncarved_Block; June 7,2010 at 11:48am.
 
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Uncarved_Block is offline Uncarved_Block Post #7  June 7,2010, 4:43pm
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Northguy wrote :
from what I've seen in the past there are no such things as absolute deal breakers. I've met so many women who tell me that they would never date a man who..(Fill in blank here) but then they go out with the man who does all of those things they can't stand.
The way I see it. Once they meet one of those "dreamboat", rich or "Hot" guys, they will throw the list out the window. The can't stand list only applies to average guys.
Ya know, forget 'average'. Just because you (assumption on my part) don't think you're an Alpha isn't important. I have a strong personality, but don't consider myself a classic Alpha. I just happen to have learned how to be real. All the time. Scary, but safer than golfing on the freeway.

And funny you should mention this 'dreamboat' effect. I'm no spring chicken. I asked a girl that I've known for years ( lives in the house behind mine ) out. I was attracted to her on day one, all that time ago but was in a LTR. I'm not the cheating type, so I just did my best gentleman thing for like 7 years. She had (!) a list too. I smoke cigars. She'd never dated a smoker. I tend to be a carnivore. She eats sensible and compassionately (know where your food comes from).

The chemistry is great! Now I'm no dreamboat. I make a good living. So does she. I've made it clear to her I think she's 'hot'. She seems to like that. Somehow I think I've overcome some checklist items by sheer force of personality and genuine attraction. Outside all this e-whatever. The way it's going I may just be closing all this e-whatever stuff down by the end of June. Never having gotten past this electronic scratch and sniff dance in Gore's Interscape.

ok... So I may be back. So what? A life well lived is worth living. But use your head (and heart). If you have nightmares or sudden acid stomach, it's your third part (body) that says you are being foolish.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #8  June 7,2010, 9:05pm
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I think compromising checklists is what ultimately leads to the pain in breaking up, or even divorce.

Because in the back of your mind, there is always the knowledge that you did compromise something, and slowly and surely, it will eat away at you.

Knowing what you want in a relationship is part of being able to have a healthy relationship. If you know you can't have a guy that plays poker every Thursday night, then don't get into a relationship with someone who does. If you know you can't be in a relationship with a woman who likes to burn patchouli incense, then don't enter a relationship with them.
 
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margaret18 is offline margaret18 Post #9  June 8,2010, 5:10am
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Those last few posts helped me a lot.... after meeting an iffy match last night. My better self knows what to do....
 
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AtlanticCoastGirl is offline AtlanticCoastGirl Post #10  October 29,2010, 6:08pm
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It's pretty important to establish true blue absolute bottom of the well deal breakers; I'm not talking about leaving the toilet seat up (unless that's really bottom of the well for you), but the honest to goodness things that we just can't possibly wade through.
And once you're honest with yourself about those things; absolutely do NOT compromise; regardless of how the rest of the package presents itself.
Keep in mind, a wolf once donned a fleece . . . and it all went downhill from there.
Last edited by AtlanticCoastGirl; October 29,2010 at 6:12pm.
 
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