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JustMe311 is offline JustMe311 Post #1  May 24,2010, 8:09pm
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First just want to tell everyone hello. I have been reading these boards for awhile. And I have been wanting to ask this for awhile.

I have been seeing or talking to this guy since Jan., it is a LDR. He is someone I knew when I was a teenager. It started off him writing me letters on facebook (I know) then we exchanged numbers. And we have been talking and texting since. In person we have seen eachother about 3 times. And he will be coming here soon. So almost 6 months of talking practically everyday, and I still dont know where we stand.

He is really very good guy, and shy like me. Nothing like I used to date(learned my lesson). My question is would it be to forward to ask him where we stand? Or should I wait for him to bring it up. It is to the point where I am attached now. I do not want to seem clingy by asking. I feel in limbo. I actually see a future with this one that seems real (if that makes sense).

Thankyou in advance for any help.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #2  May 24,2010, 8:18pm
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If you still don't know where you stand after six months of daily chat then it sounds like you've done a lot of talking without saying anything. Seriously, it doesn't bode well for communication, if i were you i'd get it out in the open, you're already feeling attached without knowing if there's anything to be attached to beyond fantasy, you need to find out not only that you're on the same page but if you're reading the same book.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #3  May 24,2010, 8:22pm
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JustMe311 wrote :
My question is would it be to forward to ask him where we stand? Or should I wait for him to bring it up. It is to the point where I am attached now. I do not want to seem clingy by asking.
Clingy isn't in the asking, but the way of asking or reacting.
 
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JustMe311 is offline JustMe311 Post #4  May 24,2010, 8:28pm
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Thankyou very much for replying. I know we feel the same way. But nothing has been said out loud. He is just way more shy than any one I have dated (which I like). I will just ask him then tomorrow. My problem is I just need to hear it. I guess that is why it is bothering me.
 
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DrTonya is offline DrTonya Post #5  May 24,2010, 9:05pm
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I would ask him before he visits just so that you'd know, once and for all.

As Teeps said, clinginess is not in asking, but how you ask/react. You need to be ready to accept the negative as well as the positive response.

I am also in agreement with Goth...how is it that you have been talking to each other every day and not know? Do you refer to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you have those sugary-sweet nicknames (sweetie, honey, baby, etc.)? Do you talk about dating others (or ever talked about not dating others)? Chatted about a future where you'd live closer together? Not that it is any of my business (just giving you something to think about) but when you have seen each other, have you been physically intimate? If, so was exclusivity discussed then? All of the above would give you a sense of where you are at. Not being judgmental here (please don't take it as such)...just asking questions. Maybe you can think over the answers to these questions and find the ultimate answer you are looking for. Many times some men won't explicitly say how they feel, but will show you instead. I am with you though, I need to hear it, so I understand your frustration. Not one of these questions holds THE answer, but maybe you can see a pattern from the answers as a whole, if that makes sense.

By the way, welcome to the boards! Continue to stay and ask questions. We really are a friendly group...most of the time.
Last edited by DrTonya; May 24,2010 at 9:08pm. Reason: Silly grammar...
 
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TryingHardToNotTrySoHard is offline TryingHardToNotTrySoHard Post #6  May 25,2010, 4:31am
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Don't know if you've heard of the five love languages, but it sounds like if you're certain he feels the same way about you (and talking almost every day strongly suggests he does), then he might just have a different love language than you do. If you need to hear him say it, yours might be words of affirmation. If he just wants to be with you, his might be quality time. (The other three are gifts, acts of service, and physical touch, which is not just sexual.)

Also, it may be a nice change of pace for you that he's shyer than the other guys you've dated, but six months of this without even a DTR talk? No offense, but I think he needs to man up. Try having that conversation with him. If he shies away, maybe it's time to start looking for someone between him and the guys you used to date.
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #7  May 25,2010, 5:13am
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[quote=JustMe311;990079 My question is would it be to forward to ask him where we stand? Or should I wait for him to bring it up. It is to the point where I am attached now. I do not want to seem clingy by asking. [/quote]

After 6 months, you have every right to ask, and to know, where you stand, especially if you care for him.

You may want to weigh your words carefully, because even friendliness can be misconstrued by someone, causing them to have incorrect presumptions of your intent. So, be clear with your expectations for the relationship.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #8  May 25,2010, 8:56am
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If after 6 months you have not figured it out, you need to ask point blank and get a black and white answer.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 25,2010, 11:30am
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There is nothing wrong with you asking and the others have spoken well also.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #10  May 25,2010, 6:47pm
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Hmmm...

Maybe I've just dated temperamental guys, but when you do ask, I agree with the others that you should choose your words carefully.

Rather than, "where do we stand?" I'd definitely lean more to something reassuring like, "I really care a lot about you and your views of our relationship. Do you imagine us together in ... say, 5 years?"

Something like that. After six months, I'd also want to know if he loved me. Well not me, but you.

Good luck, and welcome to the boards!
Last edited by lacedwithhope; May 25,2010 at 6:48pm. Reason: Better to be specific...
 
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