I need help to move on


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gmart8 is offline gmart8 Post #1  May 22,2010, 6:26pm
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I recently signed up on an online dating site. I started getting to know this guy, and he seemed pretty genuinely decent and all. However it all seemed too go downhill and all to fast because I knew that it was all too good to be true. I looked him up on fb only to realize that he was "in a relationship."
I confronted him and all and said it was "complicated" and that he was just "looking for something else" He gave me his email, and phone number and all, and was so forward. Somehow he was able to contact me on my cell number through msn because i put the setting that way but totally forgot I did. Then he started texting me lots and saying all these things that he was "interested in me" that he had to make a trip to see me, and started calling me "hun" and "babe"

Is this all happening too fast? It has only been a week or 2.
I have this problem of getting too attached way to quickly. How do I deal with this?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  May 22,2010, 6:30pm
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complicated? looking for something else? you really want to get involved with mr zero integrity?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  May 22,2010, 6:31pm
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This specific person, does not seem at all wise to continue with him.

In terms of getting attached to quickly, I'd suggest finding some other interests to occupy your thoughts.
 
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dreamspiral is offline dreamspiral Post #4  May 22,2010, 6:38pm
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Dump the guy. Tell him you're seeing someone. It's best to cut it clean. Destroy all memories. Go out and do something fun for yourself. You deserve better.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #5  May 22,2010, 6:38pm
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I think you're attracted to the attention that you seem to very badly need.

He's NOT available. That means you shouldn't be thinking about it anymore.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  May 23,2010, 5:52am
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Nanette wrote :
complicated? looking for something else? you really want to get involved with Mr zero integrity?
Yes, what she said. There is a name for Mr. Zero, it is player.
 
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juliamarie is offline juliamarie Post #7  May 23,2010, 5:56am
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gmart8 wrote :
I recently signed up on an online dating site. I started getting to know this guy, and he seemed pretty genuinely decent and all. However it all seemed too go downhill and all to fast because I knew that it was all too good to be true. I looked him up on fb only to realize that he was "in a relationship."
I confronted him and all and said it was "complicated" and that he was just "looking for something else" He gave me his email, and phone number and all, and was so forward. Somehow he was able to contact me on my cell number through msn because i put the setting that way but totally forgot I did. Then he started texting me lots and saying all these things that he was "interested in me" that he had to make a trip to see me, and started calling me "hun" and "babe"

Is this all happening too fast? It has only been a week or 2.
I have this problem of getting too attached way to quickly. How do I deal with this?
Sounds like you are in the privileged position of being asked to help him cheat! Yes, it feels great to get the attention. And I know how it feels to get attached too quickly. But you are not his plaything and you know the pain it will cause to the other woman. women he is playing.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 23,2010, 6:12am
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gmart8 wrote :
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I have this problem of getting too attached way to quickly. How do I deal with this?
You are taking the first step to dealing with this problem by recognizing that you have a problem. To the chagrin of others here, I will recommend a book that you may find useful, How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud. There are a couple of chapters that deal with this specifically, and well I can't post the whole thing.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #9  May 23,2010, 6:43am
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Have you even met this person yet? It sounds like you have had some online contact with a man who is taken. I am amazed you can get attached to someone in a few weeks that you barely know. Now you know that he is not available and that should be the only information you need to move on.
 
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Andie0264 is offline Andie0264 Post #10  May 23,2010, 7:08am
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In my experience, guys who resort to calling you "Hun", "Dear", "Babe", or "Sweetheart" in just a few emails turn out to be scammers of one sort or another. They are trying to suck people in who are looking for a genuine relationship and feeding on the fact that we get excited when we meet someone online who seems to compatible. I also have gotten long, detailed emails from men who claim to be widowers and whose emails read almost identically who have also turned out to be scammers. The last one said his ex lives in Nigeria so I jokingly asked if he was going to ask me for money based on on the Nigerian based scams going around. This guy said he was in his late 50s and his immediate response was "Girl, why you hating on me" and "Girl, you disrespect me" and then he finally said he couldn't talk to someone he couldn't trust.

My advice? Be extremely wary. I wouldn't trust a guy getting so intimate and familiar with a term like "hun" or "babe" after just a few emails. Balanced, sincere people don't do that. Nor do they lie when caught in a conflict from another website like FB.
 
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