Information you'd like to know before that first communication


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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #1  May 22,2010, 8:21am
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The age of the kids. I think it's probably more important than the age of the guy.

I appreciated the common experience that is parenting. I think I'd prefer dating a single parent, as long as his kids are about the same age as mine. You'd think the date's age would some how correspond to the kids age, but not so much. Yesterday I had coffee with a guy who's last child was born when he was 50.

(Which, for those ladies that are incensed with the 40 something guys looking for women in their twenties. The dating karma fairy hits them hard when they find themselves aged 60 with custody of two 10 year olds.)
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #2  May 22,2010, 8:31am
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How old is Kenny Rogers? And he's got twins and on tour to boot. I say people can keep up with whatever they want to keep up with, as long as they are reasonably healthy and it makes 'em happy.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #3  May 22,2010, 9:22am
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nightling wrote :
How old is Kenny Rogers? And he's got twins and on tour to boot. I say people can keep up with whatever they want to keep up with, as long as they are reasonably healthy and it makes 'em happy.
That's exactly my point. Been there, done that, have the adorable ceramic hand casts to prove it. I'm not into doing it again. I'm looking for romantic evenings that don't include snuggling to pixar movies or kids cannon balling into the pool. So I wish that information was out there before we started talking.

And as nice as this guy was, I really felt for him. He's having a hard time finding a partner willing to wait for the child free "we" time until he's 70. Perhaps he needs Kenny Rogers' entourage.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #4  May 22,2010, 9:29am
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charmed59 wrote :
That's exactly my point. Been there, done that, have the adorable ceramic hand casts to prove it. I'm not into doing it again. I'm looking for romantic evenings that don't include snuggling to pixar movies or kids cannon balling into the pool. So I wish that information was out there before we started talking.

And as nice as this guy was, I really felt for him. He's having a hard time finding a partner willing to wait for the child free "we" time until he's 70. Perhaps he needs Kenny Rogers' entourage.
I don't know I think I was responding to the way in which it seems you are denigrating his choices. While I get what you are saying and understand it (I'm about to send my 18 year old off to college), I also think just having kids does not and should not preclude having an appropriate amount of "we" time. And I also think the right woman will support his ambitions in life, whatever they may be, as well as share "we" time with him.

But certainly, if kids age is a dealbreaker to you, then you should establish it before meeting so that neither party wastes the time on a meeting.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  May 22,2010, 9:52am
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charmed59 wrote :
The age of the kids. I think it's probably more important than the age of the guy.

I appreciated the common experience that is parenting. I think I'd prefer dating a single parent, as long as his kids are about the same age as mine. You'd think the date's age would some how correspond to the kids age, but not so much. Yesterday I had coffee with a guy who's last child was born when he was 50.

(Which, for those ladies that are incensed with the 40 something guys looking for women in their twenties. The dating karma fairy hits them hard when they find themselves aged 60 with custody of two 10 year olds.)
Let me suggest that you may want to read a few pages from the book The Male Brain which was officially reviewed on this site and then a book discussion thread was done on the book. Men can father children throughout their life yet women have a defined age beyond which they can no longer bear children. As stated in the book the medical evidence is that it is because of the shared genes between the male and female that the female lives past her child bearing years. So tomorrow morning when you get out of bed be thankful for that 60 year old guy that can still father children that is giving you the opportunity to live past menopause.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  May 22,2010, 10:01am
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charmed59 wrote :
The age of the kids. I think it's probably more important than the age of the guy.
...
Gonna have to think about this a bit but I tend to disagree.

I think the most important part of the children issue is if they live at home. I have had matches / dates who at 45 had all her children, grown, out of the house and on their own. I have had matches / dates in their mid 50s with college age children who still lived at home. I have also had matches / dates in their mid 50s with 10 year old children.

When the children live at home, no matter what their age, it really effects the dating life. The same is also true if adult children spend a lot of time with their parents.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  May 22,2010, 11:19am
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I agree OP. A lot of people are not going to want to take on step-parenting of minors, and a lot of other people would really enjoy doing that.

It might be good if EH required more specificity than "under 18". Big difference between taking on a 2 year old and a 17 year old.
 
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bluskies4ever is offline bluskies4ever Post #8  May 22,2010, 11:57pm
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There seems to be an abundance of men on online date Sites (and chat rooms) that have full custody as opposed to shared. That said, yes, the children's ages is definitely relevant. A person with shared custody might have more time for dating. Then again, a shared/joint custody person might have commitments outside the sphere of parenting.
 
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bluskies4ever is offline bluskies4ever Post #9  May 22,2010, 11:59pm
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If I had to choose between a man who lives with his adult children, and one who didn't, all things being equal, I'd choose the latter.
 
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bluskies4ever is offline bluskies4ever Post #10  May 23,2010, 12:03am
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[quote=Gr8Guyn2008;987442]Gonna have to think about this a bit but I tend to disagree.

I think the most important part of the children issue is if they live at home. I have had matches / dates who at 45 had all her children, grown, out of the house and on their own. I have had matches / dates in their mid 50s with college age children who still lived at home. I have also had matches / dates in their mid 50s with 10 year old children.

When the children live at home, no matter what their age, it really effects the dating life. The same is also true if adult children spend a lot of time with their parents.[/quote


+1
My thoughts exactly.

A loving parent gives their children two things - roots and wings. Even the mother bird pushes its offspring out of the nest so they learn to fly.

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