Should I ask for a second date if not wowed by the first?


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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #1  May 21,2010, 8:35am
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Hi,

I've read on quite a few advice sources that it takes a while to get to know somebody, and you really should go on 2-3 dates with somebody before making any final decisions. Thing is, what if you just get a generally uninterested feeling about your date or think that you two don't click, have common interests, etc? Should you still ask them out for another date at the risk of leading them on? I ask because the last date I went on was with a pretty girl who, for some reason, didn't seem to click well with me over dinner. I kinda chickened out and said a day later that I didn't think it'd go anywhere and thanked her for a nice night. I'm wondering if that was premature, and if it was I'd like to know for next time. Any thoughts?

Thanks!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  May 21,2010, 8:41am

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NJGeek81 wrote :
Hi,

I've read on quite a few advice sources that it takes a while to get to know somebody, and you really should go on 2-3 dates with somebody before making any final decisions. Thing is, what if you just get a generally uninterested feeling about your date or think that you two don't click, have common interests, etc? Should you still ask them out for another date at the risk of leading them on? I ask because the last date I went on was with a pretty girl who, for some reason, didn't seem to click well with me over dinner. I kinda chickened out and said a day later that I didn't think it'd go anywhere and thanked her for a nice night. I'm wondering if that was premature, and if it was I'd like to know for next time. Any thoughts?

Thanks!
Yes to the bolded statement and I'm pretty sure you're the first guy who would turn down a 2nd date with a pretty girl just because you didn't click (it's different though if she was being a witch).

I'd say go out again....many of us guys get nervous, say the wrong stuff, etc during our first date and we always ask the women to give us the benefit of the doubt...so be fair to your date and give it another go.
My .02
Last edited by PY_2; May 21,2010 at 8:51am.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #3  May 21,2010, 8:50am
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I wonder about this too, but from the opposite spectrum, being the girl. What if the guy's really interested in you but you don't know him well enough to be interested back and/or don't know that you ever will be bc there was no real clickage?

Should you accept the second date at the risk of leading them on? And what would be a politic way of keeping their expectations reasonable?

Maybe I should make a new thread for this? Or can both scenarios be handled here without it being a hijack?
Last edited by nightling; May 21,2010 at 8:56am.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #4  May 21,2010, 8:54am
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If you're feeling about 70% sure that this is not a good match, it's probably no reason to go on a second date. If it's more like 40 - 50%, I'd go on another date just to make sure.
 
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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #5  May 21,2010, 8:57am
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Well I guess that makes me special.

It was more of that I could tell that we didn't have many common interests and I knew going in that was important to me. We were discussing our interests and it seemed she wasn't into anything I was excited about and I wasn't into anything she was either. For example, I'd love to find a movie buff who would like to spend quiet nights in watching DVDs over some dinner. I mentioned some of my favorite movies and she said she hated them for various reasons . To be expected to a point, I guess, but still it was a bummer. Then the conversation became awkward (nerves, I'm sure) where she went on 10-15 minute sessions about hair styles she's tried and a too-detailed story about a traffic violation and how annoying that was to deal with. I dunno, I just "didn't feel it". The funny thing was that we had quite an extensive email exchange before the first date and on paper we got along fine. Anyway, I thought I made the right decision until I kept hearing the "go on 3 dates" principle over and over again.
 
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DrTonto is offline DrTonto Post #6  May 21,2010, 9:02am

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Trust your feelings, if you don't think that the young lady excites you that you would want to take her on a 2nd. date,
thank her for a nice evening and leave it at that, She probably has the same vibe about you. Move on without hurting her feelings.

What did you learn about the date? Were you boring her to death and she responded in kind? Learn from your mistakes.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #7  May 21,2010, 9:11am

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NJGeek81 wrote :
Well I guess that makes me special.

It was more of that I could tell that we didn't have many common interests and I knew going in that was important to me. We were discussing our interests and it seemed she wasn't into anything I was excited about and I wasn't into anything she was either. For example, I'd love to find a movie buff who would like to spend quiet nights in watching DVDs over some dinner. I mentioned some of my favorite movies and she said she hated them for various reasons . To be expected to a point, I guess, but still it was a bummer. Then the conversation became awkward (nerves, I'm sure) where she went on 10-15 minute sessions about hair styles she's tried and a too-detailed story about a traffic violation and how annoying that was to deal with. I dunno, I just "didn't feel it". The funny thing was that we had quite an extensive email exchange before the first date and on paper we got along fine. Anyway, I thought I made the right decision until I kept hearing the "go on 3 dates" principle over and over again.
10-15 minutes just talking about hair styles, yeah that might be excessive for the average guys lol.

I'd say give it another go and see if it's still awkward. If things still didn't work out, give her phone number to me lol
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  May 21,2010, 9:26am
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NJGeek81 wrote :
The funny thing was that we had quite an extensive email exchange before the first date and on paper we got along fine. Anyway, I thought I made the right decision until I kept hearing the "go on 3 dates" principle over and over again.
Not that you're new to it necessairly, but welcome to the world of online dating!

If it's not that the attraction isn't there it's usually something like this in my experience.

Oh, and I wouldn't likely go out again. It probably won't get any better from here
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 21,2010, 9:48am
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Unless there was something that came out on the first date that would be a deal breaker then I would ask them out for a second date. People are nervous on the first date or they may just be having a bad day.

And if she was pretty I for sure would ask her out again unless she was a Lizzie Borden clone or something.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #10  May 21,2010, 9:51am

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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Unless there was something that came out on the first date that would be a deal breaker then I would ask them out for a second date. People are nervous on the first date or they may just be having a bad day.

And if she was pretty I for sure would ask her out again unless she was a Lizzie Borden clone or something.
Phew I thought you said Lizzie Pooh!

(just kiddin' Lizzie!!!)
 
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