Andie0264 is offline Andie0264 Post #1  May 19,2010, 4:04pm
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I spoke too soon. Emme remains a ghost and I remain here.

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I met a guy on another dating site. We "met" on Sunday and we starting IMing during the Celtics game and afterwards. He suddenly suggested we spontaneously get together for a drink. I wasn't doing anything so we met. It was amazing. Great conversation, lots of laughing, a couple of times he leaned in to give me a quick kiss after a particularly deep mini-conversation. At the end of the date, we did some serious kissing standing up in the parking lot. We set up a date for Tuesday (yesterday) to meet at 7:15 to shoot pool. We swapped phone numbers so we could confirm the date. I texted him Tuesday morning to confirm. No response. Called him a couple hours later, left a voicemail, no response. Told him in the message that I wasn't going to show if he didn't confirm. Sent an email about 5 through the other dating site, no answer. When I got home from work, I went on the other site to check for an email and he was online right at that moment. I sent him a "what's the story" email, no response. Then he went offline.

I have had men poof before, but not usually after an amazing first date. He is still on the other dating site but has not read any of my emails (I can check). Anyone have any idea what's going on? Obviously he wants nothing to do with me but this has me baffled. And disgusted enough to want to give up dating altogether. I am having a string of running into rude, angry and deceptive men. I would think if he didn't want to go out he could simply have said he wasn't interested. What's with the ignoring things? Why give me his correct number if he didn't want me to use it? His profile says he's a widower. He told me his wife died 3 months ago after being sick for 5. Could it be guilt? Or is he just a complete and utter jerk? I should add that I'm aware I'll never hear from him again. I'd just like to know what I may have done wrong to make him poof so I don't do it again. Thoughts?
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #2  May 19,2010, 4:10pm
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You did nothing wrong... You followed your instincts and he is either racked with guilt or not ready for dating. Three months is a little raw post divorce/death. He needs several months more to find his center. You did fine. He did not.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  May 19,2010, 4:12pm
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His wife died 3 months ago - you'd have to be a pretty cold person to get over such a loss so fast. I'm guessing that he is not in any shape to be in a relationship. I hate to say this but you made him feel better for an evening, but it will be a long time before he is whole enough to consider more than that.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  May 19,2010, 4:17pm
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Recommend you go to his house with a stethescope and sledgehammer.

The former to check if he is breathing, and the latter to hit him on the head if he is.

***

Nothing to do but sit and wait - while looking for other matches.
 
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dogwood is offline dogwood Post #5  May 19,2010, 4:26pm
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i don't have anything useful to add. hope you figure it out.

i agree with d lion. keep looking in the mean time.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #6  May 19,2010, 4:45pm
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Three months out? He's laying on his floor crying. I've been there, I know. Give this one about a year to get back to you.

And you did nothing wrong.
 
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cricket99 is offline cricket99 Post #7  May 19,2010, 4:46pm
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ack. sorry. that is rough. I agree with the others, that he's clearly still dealing with the loss of his wife. no excuse for his treatment of you, but it's obviously stemming from it being so soon.

I don't know the other dating site you're on, but I'm on match as well as here, and I have the ability to see if someone has read an email or not. what I've realized is that they - and I - can read emails through our email account even without clicking on the actual email on match's website. so it looks like it's unread, even when it's not. I was just talking to a guy last night from match and he had read my emails, and was talking about them to me, but it showed up as "not yet read" because he'd read them through his regular email account where they feed into, not by signing onto his match account.

hope that helps explain the emails appearing as unread.

but really sorry this happened. it sucks to meet someone and like them and then they disappear.
 
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SweetKisses is offline SweetKisses Post #8  May 19,2010, 5:09pm
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Don't assume you did anything wrong. He could have poofed for any reason- it may not have even had anything to do with his deceased wife. Unless he specifically tells you why he's cut contact, you may never know, so try not to drive yourself crazy wondering about it. I know it's difficult.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #9  May 19,2010, 5:18pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Recommend you go to his house with a stethescope and sledgehammer.

The former to check if he is breathing, and the latter to hit him on the head if he is.
Why bother checking ... just use the sledge :P
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #10  May 19,2010, 5:25pm
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I agree that three months is far, far too soon to be out there. At that point there are still hospital and funeral home bills coming in. I have no doubt that he's lonely and reaching out - and he probably enjoyed your date a great deal and then got scared.

He shouldn't have put you in that position, and I'm sorry it happened to you. Even if he did come back, I'd be hesitant to get too involved with someone that soon after so significant a loss.
 
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