His place -- your thoughts?


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activeteacher is offline activeteacher Post #1  May 19,2010, 1:46pm
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Ladies (and gents) I am curious what your thoughts are on 'his place' when you are invited over. Besides being clean and (fairly) neat, what are the things you notice? What creates a warm, inviting atmosphere for you? Conversely, what sends up red flags?

I am moving (got a job!) and will be starting over with housing and all household goods.

Thanks!
 
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Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #2  May 19,2010, 1:52pm
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  • Too messy or too tidy are both red flags;
  • On what item he is willing to spend money on, e.g., wine collection, books or electronics;
  • Whether he cooks often;
  • What kinds of food he eats;
  • Smells. I prefer no fragrance for a guy's room.
 
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bookgirl1 is offline bookgirl1 Post #3  May 19,2010, 2:07pm
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Well, this always tends to come across as a fairly shallow topic as a living space is purely asthetic. On the other hand, a guy that puts (a little, itsty-tiny bit) of effort into finding furniture that matches the ambiance of the home or his personality rather than the cheapest most beat-up relics craigslist has to offer does come across as more attractive. If you care enough to put time into a space that you spend most of your time in, then chances seem to be that you would be willing to put that special time into your partner, too.

Mostly, in my opinion, cleanliness cannot be underestimated. Nothing is a bigger turn off than walking into a new space and having it reek of last week's garbage or dirty laundry. Same goes for finding said dirty laundry. If you can't make it to the cleaners, hid it. Under the bed, in a drawer, somewhere out of sight.

Now, all that being said, one of the most wonderful guys I met (and have had the fortune to build a relationship with) started off in the most sketchy apartment ever. The front door opened to an older kitchen, in which the only things that were unpacked were his three knife blocks. Nothing else was initially visible in the apartment. Just the 25 knives sitting on the counter in flickering light. Not a good first impression. Turns out he loved to cook, and hence the knives and, around the corner, cutting board and wok.

I'm very curious to see where this thread goes...
 
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truthaboutcupid is offline truthaboutcupid Post #4  May 19,2010, 2:14pm
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activeteacher wrote :
Ladies (and gents) I am curious what your thoughts are on 'his place' when you are invited over. Besides being clean and (fairly) neat, what are the things you notice? What creates a warm, inviting atmosphere for you? Conversely, what sends up red flags?

I am moving (got a job!) and will be starting over with housing and all household goods.

Thanks!
Negatives:
1. Beer can collection
2. Viking helmets
3. Posters of women
4. Pictures of dogs playing poker
5. Pictures of you with other girls...making out
6. Refrigerator full....of beer only
7. Inflatable chairs
8. Bean bag chairs
9. Mafia pictures (yes, this includes "Scarface" and "Sopranos" posters)
10. Lava lamps

And of course, the dreaded basket of dirty laundry laying out and after 5 minutes of giving her the tour, you say, "Well, I'll let you get started on the laundry while I call Dominos and get back to my video games."

Yeah, that probably won't go over too well.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #5  May 19,2010, 2:20pm
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Houses are really important to women. When you show a woman your home you are opening up to her and saying "This is my Nest" and the woman knows this and pictures how she could fit into your life there.

Worst Case Scenario: Evidence of other women being there recently. Examples are long hairs in the shower, obviously female choices of decor, women's toiletries or clothing or jewelry that don't jive with his story.

A sex den is not too appealing either (round water beds with silk black, red or animal print sheets for example would be a turn off.)

Evidence of drugs, obsessive compulsive disorders of any kind (includes fitness, motorcycles, killing animals, sports fanatic)

It might just be me but I don't really feel comfortable with lots of paintings of nude women on the walls. One or two might be okay if they are tasteful.

It would also be a concern if it seemed like the pile of beer/liquor bottles in the recycling bin was excessive.

An overgrown untended yard is also a worry. I am into gardening so I like a man who is too.

Best Case Scenario - Good things: I like to see that the place smells good and is relatively tidy and clean, that he cares for his pets well and shows kindness toward them.

It would be great if he has a sense of style and the place is decorated in a way that fits his personality but that is optional. Nice music. that we both like.

On our first date (at his place) my ex husband invited me to his home which was a modest but architecturally lovely house on a lake. He gave me a tour of his minimally and tastefully decorated house and we made dinner together and then set the table with candles, real linen napkins, real silver cutlery and that sealed it for me. His choice in music was perfect and so that was the background to everything.... I immediately felt comfortable and that this was a potential home for me.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #6  May 19,2010, 2:22pm

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I remember inviting an acquaintance to my place before we go to a party (near my house) and as she called from the airport she asked me what was that sound in the background. I said I was vacuuming. She said "Don't be vacuuming because of me....I dont want guys to do that, because once you get to know them they're slobs anyway" (don't worry my ehA friends...we still went to the party and we parted ways and never see each other again after that ever).

I know at least for me, if I invited friends/acquaintance (male/female), etc. I try to at least get rid of the clutter from the kitchen counter, junk mail, etc. This includes dirty dishes in the sink, etc. But my kitchen will never be super clean because I cook quite a bit and I have sauce bottles, spices on the counter and pots and pans on the burner (CLEAN ones).

My only request for unscheduled guests is that they give me 1-2 hour notice (assuming I'm home), by then my house should be in a good shape
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #7  May 19,2010, 2:26pm

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truthaboutcupid wrote :
Negatives:
10. Lava lamps


Yeah, that probably won't go over too well.
I disagree with this one. I actually invited somebody a while ago, I had just recently redecorated my house (new furnitures, etc) and I had a mirror ball hanging in my bedroom - a stupid gift from a friend (bow chicka bow waow). She thought it was hillarious.


(No i did not have a leopard skin bed cover )
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #8  May 19,2010, 2:38pm
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Rainfallgirl wrote :
Houses are really important to women. When you show a woman your home you are opening up to her and saying "This is my Nest" and the woman knows this and pictures how she could fit into your life there.

Very true. Hopefully a man in my age range has some sense of pride in his place. I like to see that it's clean (especially the bathroom!) and that it reflects his personality in some way. I understand that sometimes people dating at middle age are starting over after a divorce situation and may not have all the "stuff" they once had, but it is still nice to see that there is some effort put into making a comfortable place for themselves.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #9  May 19,2010, 3:06pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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bookgirl1 wrote :
Well, this always tends to come across as a fairly shallow topic as a living space is purely asthetic..
Not at all. Your home is a reflection of you. I assume we're not talking about a furniture inventory, so I'd notice and give credit for.......

Evidence of a well cared for pet (bowls, beds, food) although I have no pet myself I find it's sexy to think of a single man caring for another living creature.

Amount of technology. I love geeks and would find the presence of a lot of gadgets strangely reassuring.

A bit of style in the choice of colour and the putting together of furniture. Extra points awarded for effectively mixing together cheap and expensive / old and new / retro and modern.

Mis match. I've got gay friends, complete crockery and cutlery sets are really not necessary. Also my stuff is mis matched and it's good to know you're not going to be judged for that (I wish my gay friends would read this!)

Selective collection of dvd's to number no more than 50. Selective number of cds to number no less than 200. Evidence that sitting quietly and reading happens pretty regularly.

Poker trophies. Poker is sexy. Poker skills are sexy. Poker players, who aren't in debt and won't ever be in debt, are sexy.

Clean bathroom ~ no explanation needed, surely?

Fresh food and vegetables and beer in the fridge.

No photos of ex girlfriends. No weapons of mass destruction. A made bed.

I am a fuss pot!
 
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annother is offline annother Post #10  May 19,2010, 3:09pm
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There are two styles I have recently encountered in which I did not feel comfortable:

1. The man cave. Basement rooms in someone else's house with tv, couch, coffee table, free weights, and not much else. No effort at decoration at all.

2. The maze. Brought lots of stuff from the previous home, but couldn't afford a big enough home for it all. Lots of stuff: bookshelves, wine collection, cat paraphernalia, overstuffed furniture, two recliners... You get the idea.

Styles that are comfortable:

Tidy, but not excessively so.
Some indication of personality: pictures, colour choices, family photos
Furniture upgraded from trash rescues.
Last edited by annother; May 19,2010 at 3:12pm.
 
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