Ladies, a serious question: How nice is too nice?


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nunayabizness is offline nunayabizness Post #1  May 19,2010, 1:23pm

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I hate playing games, so I make my intentions clear. Most women seem to repsond better when they are ignored (That has been my experience, and I have a lot of experience). Is just that most women are crazy and I need to find one of the few quality women that actually thinks she deserves to be treated well? Or, is it just that women are made that way, and they need to feel like the guy is indifferent to a certain extent? Will women test a guy to see if she can walk all over him?
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2  May 19,2010, 1:33pm

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I am not sure if this will answer your question but if I wanted to I could get Troy to do anything I wanted. Because I love and respect him I would never do that. He could get me to do just about anything for him as well but for the same reason would never do that.

Here is where it gets complicated, he knows I would never ask for more than what I need because of my love and respect and that is why he would give me what ever I ask for. The roles reversed holds.

It doesn't make either of us too nice it just shows we hold value in our relationship and trust from it.

So far as I see it too many people come into relationships not trusting and the other must earn that trust. That is where the tricks, games and tests come from.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  May 19,2010, 1:36pm
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I am interested in men that are fully present and interested and will stand up for himself in a playful, nice way :). if he is withdrawn or acts disinterested it makes me think he isnt serious and wont be someone that is very fun to be in a relationship with.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  May 19,2010, 1:43pm
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There is no such thing as too nice, but there is such a thing as not coming across as genuine or certain gestures losing value when overdone.

For instance, if he compliments me every time he sees me, after a short while I will no longer consider his compliments very genuine. Why? I don't always look evenly stunning. Also, what happens when it is a special evening and a compliment is warranted? There is nothing special to say because he already says the same thing all the time - it has lost all meaning and value and there is a point where I don't know which compliment I can actually believe.

Then there are issues like you putting me on a pedestal and worshiping - the reality is that you don't even know me, you are worshiping who you imagine me to be and that's a tall order of imaginary perfection to live up to. Most people know, that once that illusion is broken, the worshiper can become quite nasty in his disappointment.

Then there is the plain old submissive. Do you respect someone who is submissive? No. So don't act like someone you would not like or respect yourself. This would be the guy who thinks he is nice because he is always agreeing, always catering, never taking care of his needs, but expects a big payback in return for his "niceness" and becomes pretty foul and bitter when the payback does not materialize to the degree he was expecting.

Bottom line is that I appreciate a genuine gesture of kindness or attention from a man to the bottom of my heart and will reciprocate same, however I will avoid the above examples like the plague.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #5  May 19,2010, 1:50pm
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I know many woman that seem to fall into this trap.

They want a guy to respect them and treat them right, but they always seem to end up with the guy who doesn't. Why is that?

I suspect it might be a female ego thing with some of these women. I suspect that they DO want a guy to treat them nice and respect them. I also suspect that they want these same guys to disrespect OTHER women, but for some reason, they themselves seem to be the reason to change their act for the better.

In short, I think for some of these women, the allure of being able to change a man by sheer force of personality and wit to what they want, is a huge ego boost.
 
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theprincessbride is offline theprincessbride Post #6  May 19,2010, 2:03pm
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In my experience, sometimes, when you are very genuine and "nice," women think that you are "weird" or that you are getting "attached" too soon. In some cases, these women don't know any better -- have never dealt with someone who is just "extra nice" or very sincere about how he feels about them, and that throws them off, which means that you get "classified" as an outlier ("weird" or "too attached too soon"). This behavior still baffles me. I have also noticed that if you date someone who has been divorced more than once, she tends to appreciate your "niceness" much more. All of this is based on my own experience, so mileage may vary.
 
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TXButtercup is offline TXButtercup Post #7  May 19,2010, 5:20pm
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Gotta agree with Nanette on this one.

Don't like mean people at all.

A guy that is withdrawn or acts disinterested does not become a "challenge to be won" to me. He becomes a drama king who is playing games or a guy that just isn't interested. Either way, I am moving on.

I think there have been a number of threads here about being nice vs. being a doormat, and about people assigning "too nice" as the reason when someone else just wasn't interested for other reasons (lack of attraction, no common interests or outlook on life, and so on).

On the whole, of course a nice/kind person of either sex is much more preferred to be in a relationship than an unkind/mean person.

To turn it around, if a girl was super-super nice and kind, but you didn't find her hot enough, would there be a chance for a relationship? She might see it as you are more interested in a stuck up or less caring "hotter" woman, but she doesn't really know whether that other girl was those things. And it doesn't matter, does it? From what I have read on these boards, no amount of niceness, kindness, intelligence or anything else will make up for a lack of attraction based on looks, right?




FWIW - I know quite a few women, and very, very few of them are crazy. It is amazing to me that men seem to find all the crazy ones.....hmmmnnnn
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #8  May 19,2010, 8:36pm
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nunayabizness wrote :
I hate playing games, so I make my intentions clear. Most women seem to repsond better when they are ignored (That has been my experience, and I have a lot of experience). Is just that most women are crazy and I need to find one of the few quality women that actually thinks she deserves to be treated well? Or, is it just that women are made that way, and they need to feel like the guy is indifferent to a certain extent? Will women test a guy to see if she can walk all over him?
If you don't play games, how do you know women respond better if they are ignored?

I'm looking for someone interested in me. If you are not, tell me so I can move on and try to find someone who may be interested.

I think you need to keep looking if you are being ignored.
 
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dannyboy451 is offline dannyboy451 Post #9  May 19,2010, 9:00pm
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I do think women "test" men in that way. As soon as they know they can get what they want, it loses all its fun. I just made that mistake recently after I said I never would again. It's a process. Start by making sure you're willing to take a hard line on a few issues; don't be afraid to say "No." A woman will respect you for it. I've gone against my nature a couple times and said no, and it's always done more good than harm. Just choose your battles wisely. Good luck.
 
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ForwardUntoDawn is online now ForwardUntoDawn Post #10  May 19,2010, 11:18pm
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I think there is actually a lot in player here.
It has been my experience and observation, that both men and women, will put up with a lot of carp if they think there object of affection is highly attractive

and

Both men and women, will sometimes view someones kindness as a weakness, and walk all over someone because they can.

The hard lesson I have spent the greater part of 30 years learning as it boils down to respect. Respect for themselves, you, and other. They do not have all 3 look else where
 
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