What are your goals on a first date with an online match?


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nightling is offline nightling Post #1  May 19,2010, 11:54am
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Maybe it seems kind of obvious, but it's something I've been thinking a little bit about bc it seems to me these first dates with online matches are kind of ... awkward. Well not kind of. I find them awkward.

Seems like certain things are premature. Relationship talk, for example. I don't even know if I want a relationship with the person yet, so really a lot of questions about my past relationships and so forth just seems ... nosy.

And yet, some idea of whether our relationship goals are compatible and our past histories is eventually relevant ...

So I'm wondering, what's your game plan for a first date. What information do you try to ascertain from a first date?
How do you go about getting it?
What do you think is too much for a first date?
When do you think it is time to bring out the "big gun" questions that most people say to avoid on a first date?
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #2  May 19,2010, 12:05pm
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I have had no expectations on first dates. And no game plan at all other than where and when to meet. I've always winged the rest and tried to have as much fun with the women as possible (and no I don't just mean sex!). The conversations go where they go naturally.

I've also found that both the women and I enthusiastically and mercilessly start breaking all the "dating rules" right from the get-go.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #3  May 19,2010, 12:09pm
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Are you talking about the first time you meet them in person? If so, I don't consider that a date. The only real goal is to see if we both want to meet again.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #4  May 19,2010, 12:18pm
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Well, I haven't even had a first date with someone online, but if I did, I think I would just have a goal of hoping we can sit down and feel comfortable talking to each other. That's pretty much it.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #5  May 19,2010, 12:24pm
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mrflyer wrote :
Are you talking about the first time you meet them in person? If so, I don't consider that a date. The only real goal is to see if we both want to meet again.
I know everyone is into the coffee meet for a first date. I did that the first time, I didn't really like the atmosphere it produced, and neither did the guy.

Since then, I've just gone along with what the guy wants to do for a first date as long as it's a public venue. They usually want to do something that looks like a first date. I find the atmosphere a lot more conducive personally, to getting to know the person in a relaxed state. So that's become my take on what the first meeting should be.

I know that's bucking the usual trend around here, but I find it less awkward. /shrug

Anyhoo, what I've noticed on a lot of these dates is some of the guys are really seeking a LOT of information ... the interview date. Some are just winging it. Others are somewhere in between.

I have been putting some thought myself into what should be the minimum on a first date, and while I'm still mulling that over I thought I would get some input from the group at large for what they do.
 
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Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #6  May 19,2010, 12:54pm
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nightling wrote :
So I'm wondering, what's your game plan for a first date. What information do you try to ascertain from a first date?
I would like to find out about: (1) whether we can have a conversation going, (2) his demeanors, (3) whether we both want to spend more time getting to know each other better, and (4) if his appearance matches his profile.

nightling wrote :
How do you go about getting it?
Ask open-ended questions about his life experience, e.g., traveling, career, hobby, etc. Probe more from his previous answers. A lot of people like that because that makes them feel I do pay attention to what they say.

nightling wrote :
What do you think is too much for a first date?
No kissing or any physical contact beyond that level.

nightling wrote :
When do you think it is time to bring out the "big gun" questions that most people say to avoid on a first date?
I will wait until he initiates a conversation of similar depth. Sometimes I will volunteer my thoughts on those "big gun" questions first and see what his reactions will be. If he seems antsy or he dodges the topic, I will not pursue.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  May 19,2010, 12:59pm
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Personally I go into the first date relaxed. The only thing I'm really curious about is whether I'll be attracted to him and if he is sufficiently interesting as a person that I would want to see him again. The rest is just having a fun time.

There is no reason for an interview or agenda, there is plenty of time to get to know them later and I prefer learning about a person through their actions when we do things together rather than just listening to what they say they do or believe in.

I do find that it's the guys who will consistently bring up the heavy gun questions about relationships, marriage and wanting to have a family. This probably has a lot to do with my age group too. As far as I'm concerned, those topics are just fine to discuss in general terms and make sense.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #8  May 19,2010, 1:31pm
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On a first date, I'm looking to (1) confirm that he exists :-) and (2) determine whether or not I like him enough for a second date. At that stage, it's just a question of whether or not we enjoy each other's company.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  May 19,2010, 5:15pm
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This is a great question.

First, and important, is to check her standard of appearance-care, and that I am attracted to her. This is almost immediate data. I will note what a woman wears, but most have been fine in this.

If I see her arrive, I will note the model of her car, as well as detail like the dealer insignia (that the vehicle was sold from a new car dealer of that brand in that community), type of tires (and that all are the same), whether her vehicle exhibits any defects, registration is current, etc.

Once we sit down, I'm looking at what she speaks about. Employment, educations, current events - or television, family, pets? This is where I check for intelligence and interests - and I will speak about politics or any other contentious topic. Women who enjoy doing so are at a big advantage, with me.

I am looking at what she reveals about her self, her goals, and her lifestyle, and checking if it will fit with mine. (Or, if not, if there is any short term compatibility, such as until finishing school?)

I am checking if she seems fearful, awkward, or confident?

I am looking for flirting comments, suggestiveness, putting her hand on me. Also, how she reacts when I make Jokes which can be taken either way.

Is she attentive, or distracted? If she used a mobile phone, is it work related?

I will plan a second meeting (if I want one), and I will check if she is participating in the planning, including seeming eager and putting her own tastes on the table.

Perhaps as expected, I will note if she is contributing to the cost of the evening?
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  May 19,2010, 5:42pm
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D_Lion wrote :
If I see her arrive, I will note the model of her car, as well as detail like the dealer insignia (that the vehicle was sold from a new car dealer of that brand in that community), type of tires (and that all are the same), whether her vehicle exhibits any defects, registration is current, etc.
Oh, what a total waste of time this is.

Unless you also check her insurance paperwork. Is she carrying uninsured motorist protection? Full glass? Are her coverage levels commensurate with her... well, whatever they need to be commensurate with.

Honestly DL, you are so full of hot gas. You've raised the bar yet again.
 
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