new here - how many dates are too many at once?


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cricket99 is offline cricket99 Post #1  May 18,2010, 12:14pm
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I'm new to online dating, joined just a few weeks ago, but I'm suddenly finding myself with an embarrassment of riches, so to speak. I have been talking to quite a few men, both here on eharmony and on another dating website, and I've ended up meeting two in person so far, and liking one, and he just asked me out for a second date.

but meanwhile, I've been talking to other guys, and I have three more really good sounding prospects who are dying to meet me in the next several days.

it's truly an embarrassment of riches. Is it wrong to go out on first dates with three other guys, while going on a second date with the other guy? and what if the other guy, on date #2, wants a kiss? is that bad to kiss him while still planning my other dates?

and each of these guys is handsome and quite impressive in their own rights - one is a 46-yr-old ph.d. professor, one is a 38-yr-old high-powered lawyer, one is a 42-yr-old CFO for a major company and the other is a 57-yr-old CEO for a very successful green company. (I'm 42.) the one I went out with and didn't go for was a 45-yr-old marketing director.

I'm loving this online dating stuff. Just gotta figure out how to do it right, without upsetting anyone. Ideally, I'd like to meet each of these guys at least once, maybe twice, and decide which one I'd like to seriously date after meeting them all. Is that okay?
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #2  May 18,2010, 12:23pm
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Everyone is different. If you are comfortable with it, I would say go for it. I continued going out with new men until I found someone I was sure I wanted a relationship with.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  May 18,2010, 12:25pm
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What you are experiencing is fairly normal. What you don't know yet is that most of these dates won't work out and you won't have any great big decisions to make between a, b, c, and d.

Once you meet, some of them you won't be attracted to, some won't be attracted to you in real life, some will flake out or move forward with other ongoing dates they have, and if you are very lucky you may walk away with one where you both actually want to see each other again and actually do go through with that.

Sorry to rain on your parade, but my point is do go on and meet all of them. There is nothing wrong with that and in fact it's necessary.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  May 18,2010, 12:32pm
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DancingFool wrote :
What you are experiencing is fairly normal. What you don't know yet is that most of these dates won't work out and you won't have any great big decisions to make between a, b, c, and d.

Once you meet, some of them you won't be attracted to, some won't be attracted to you in real life, some will flake out or move forward with other ongoing dates they have, and if you are very lucky you may walk away with one where you both actually want to see each other again and actually do go through with that.
Thanks a lot, buzzkill....you're going to scare her before she even goes out on the date.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  May 18,2010, 12:38pm
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TheThinker wrote :
Thanks a lot, buzzkill....you're going to scare her before she even goes out on the date.
I try.

OK, it's like unwrapping a box of chocolates - all those dates and all that discovery is actually exciting and a lot of fun. There is nothing scary about it so enjoy and have fun......and if you call them all Bob, you won't mix up the names.
 
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cricket99 is offline cricket99 Post #6  May 18,2010, 12:41pm
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thanks!

I actually only expect to probably really like one of them. I do like this first one, which I guess is why I feel a little unsure about meeting the other three guys. but at least until I've actually even had the second date, and smooched him, I figure it's fair game.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  May 18,2010, 12:46pm
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It's all fair game until you've gone out on several dates where you are both heading toward wanting to date exclusively.

Just be sure to keep an open mind. I know I've definitely surprised myself with who I thought I might like and was really excited about meeting and who I ended up really liking and dating once we met.
 
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cricket99 is offline cricket99 Post #8  May 18,2010, 12:52pm
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very true! I dated from newspaper ads in the mid 90's, not where you mailed in a photo, but like with the New Times where you'd call these numbers and hear their recorded messages and then end up chatting and stuff. and then I dabbled in online dating in the late 90's, so I definitely recall being unpleasantly surprised by some of the guys once I met them.

of course, online now is different, with lots of pictures to see. so the appearance isn't necessarily a surprise, but the personality can obviously still be not what you expect, along with what they think they want vs. what they really want in a relationship, etc.

it is fun...I'm loving it so far!
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #9  May 18,2010, 12:53pm
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Too many dates is when you have to bring flash cards to remind you who exactly is the person you're going out with.

Too many dates is when the danger of mixing up a cardiologist with a lawyer, with a cop and and the drug dealer is a very real prospect.

All kidding aside. Go out as much as you can handle. If it gets to be too much, don't be afraid to call it quits or slow down.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #10  May 18,2010, 12:57pm
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I'm sorry. I have never had this problem before...LOL!
 
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