Nate879 is offline Nate879 Post #1  May 17,2010, 10:43pm
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Hi again,

Some of you may remember my thread about being turned down, here's the link for those of you who don't: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...rned-down.html (Turned Down).

Anyway, I thought I was over it, but recently I started thinking about it again, and I'm beginning to wonder if I made a mistake by giving up so soon. We only saw each other in class (once a week, and didn't talk much except for very short conversations before class), and never really had a chance to really get to know each other. I would have liked to have at least one chance to meet with her outside of class. She's basing everything off of a few short conversations.

Now as for her reasons (sees me as just a friend, doesn't want a serious relationship), we aren't close friends, and I'd even say we barely have any form of friendship so no friendship would be at risk if it didn't work out. Also, for the serious relationship, I'd be willing to take it at whatever speed she was comfortable with.

I've considered contacting her again to say that I think we should not jump to any conclusions and that we should meet one time and if it didn't work out I'd leave her alone. I'd also tell her that if it worked we could take it at whatever speed she was comfortable with and
that I've never dated before, so I have no expectations, which takes a lot of pressure off of her.

The problem is that I've already said that I would respect her feelings and leave her alone, and she thanked me for that and said that we could "hang out."

This is bothering me, I want to call but I said I'd leave her alone. What makes it worse is that she's everything I'm looking for appearance-wise, and she seems like the kind of person I'm looking for personaliy-wise based off of our conversations (I'd need a little more time to be sure about this though).

What should I do?

Sorry for the length, and sorry if it's confusing (it's late and I'm tired and may have left out some details). I'll check again in the morning and provide any info that I think is relevant or that your questions require.
 
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #2  May 17,2010, 11:31pm
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It takes two to tango. I think you should respect what she said. It might not make sense now, but someday it will.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #3  May 17,2010, 11:38pm
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If she doesn't want to explore a relationship with you then to be honest you have no option but to take her at her word, you might think she's jumping the gun on closing you out but that doesn't really matter because it's her gun to jump.
If you promised to respect her choice then you have to respect it, ignoring it because you don't agree with it and insisting she have another go at coming to your conclusion won't win any points.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  May 18,2010, 4:36am
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Always accept rejection with dignity and walk away.

There is nothing worse than doing what you are doing now - starting to obsess about it slightly - if only she gave me more of a chance, if only she got to know me better, surely she'd change her mind. Wrong.

She knows enough about you and and even more about herself to determine that you are not what she wants and that's that. Accept it, respect it, and move on. There will be many many times in life when you are going to come across a woman where you think she is just right for you and she'll think you are just wrong for her and other way around.

Always remember that the truly right person is the one who also thinks that you are right for them. Someone who rejects you is quite frankly automatically wrong for you and fortunately you found out without wasting too much time on them.
 
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Nate879 is offline Nate879 Post #5  May 18,2010, 8:28pm
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I was thinking about this after I posted it, and I pretty much came to the same conclusions as you guys did. I'll respect my promise and leave her alone.

Oh well. The right person for me is out there somewhere, I just have to find her (hopefully sooner rather than later).
 
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richey is offline richey Post #6  May 18,2010, 9:34pm
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Actually, I would say moreso that you need to leave her alone to respect that she has shown all the signs of not being interested.

You are almost saying in your post, "how can she know she doens't like me just based off of a few short conversations?" Well, let's look at the other side ~ how can you be so sure she's really what you want based off of a few short conversations?

In the end, the only thing going here is that you find her really physically attractive and she is "everything you want look wise". But other than that, there isn't much interaction. When there is, there isn't much that's saying there is any interest.

I'd advise you to realize that you should stop talking to her not because you said you would, but because there is no interest here on her part.

Sorry to say.

Richey
 
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Irishlass68 is offline Irishlass68 Post #7  May 18,2010, 9:44pm
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Theres one major piece missing here. The person you need to be with actually wants a relationship with you. She made herself pretty clear.
 
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Nate879 is offline Nate879 Post #8  May 19,2010, 12:51am
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richey wrote :
how can you be so sure she's really what you want based off of a few short conversations?
So did you completely miss the part of my post where I said that I would need more time to be sure about this?

What you guys are all saying is pretty much what I figured out after I started this thread.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #9  May 19,2010, 5:05am
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Nate879 wrote :

Oh well. The right person for me is out there somewhere, I just have to find her (hopefully sooner rather than later).

Exactly. Don't waste time trying to change someone's mind. Go look for the one who feels the same way as you do.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #10  May 19,2010, 5:30am
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You sound intelligent and are doing the right thing to walk away.

If she does have any interest in you the ball is now in her court and she will need to pursue you.

Your walking away is the one and only thing you can do that will make you seem elusive and desirable to her.

You will also be showing you have integrity in that you are respecting her words and this will make her feel more inclined to think you are also trustworthy.
 
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