Why join Eharmony if you're looking for a one night stand?


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bobati is offline bobati Post #1  May 17,2010, 3:04pm
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So far the only person who has finished communication with me is a guy who is only looking for something "casual"
Which makes me wonder, if you're looking for a one night stand why on earth would you join a paid dating site thats well known to be for people who want long term relationships?
I thought joining this site would help me avoid this class of people and it really boggles my mind why someone would join a dating site for this. Its not hard to get a one night stand....
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #2  May 17,2010, 3:13pm
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They are everywhere lol.......

Seriously, could this have been a misunderstanding or a miscommunication fo some sort? Him saying casual, as in I am not looking to get engaged this week (not as snippy as it sounds - there are people who think that the engagement is imminent if you actually get as far as OC) and you hearing that he is looking for a one night stand? If so, maybe you should keep talking.

If he made the one night stand thing perfectly clear..... well, it can happen, unfortunately, and all you can do is not hold this person's behaviour against anyone else you might meet.

Good luck in your search, and I hope things go better for you.

Lilycat

Or was he kind of clear about that?
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #3  May 17,2010, 3:29pm
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Casual doesn't automatically equate to a one night stand.
But I agree that eharmony seems to be an inappropiate/odd place for someone seeking a more casual relationship.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  May 17,2010, 3:30pm
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You are making an unsubstantiated assumption.

I suggest asking him what "casual" means to him, as intent can vary widely.

Personally, I have exclusive, intimate relationships quickly (indeed, without intimacy, it is not a relationship.)

Not a one lasted under six months - which some people seem to be struggling to exceed, despite not having sex.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  May 17,2010, 3:35pm

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Even if it means what it means (casual relationship/physical)...at the very least he's not deceptive and let you know his intention upfront.

Rather than giving you what you want to hear and poof later.
 
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bobati is offline bobati Post #6  May 17,2010, 3:36pm
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Lilycat wrote :
They are everywhere lol.......

Seriously, could this have been a misunderstanding or a miscommunication fo some sort? Him saying casual, as in I am not looking to get engaged this week (not as snippy as it sounds - there are people who think that the engagement is imminent if you actually get as far as OC) and you hearing that he is looking for a one night stand? If so, maybe you should keep talking.

If he made the one night stand thing perfectly clear..... well, it can happen, unfortunately, and all you can do is not hold this person's behaviour against anyone else you might meet.

Good luck in your search, and I hope things go better for you.

Lilycat

Or was he kind of clear about that?
He said that he is worried I am looking for a "serious relationship" and he just wants "something casual" (why join this site then? casual flings are ridiculously easy to find). Thats why i assume he meant a one night stand.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  May 17,2010, 3:42pm
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"Serious relationship" is also undefined. Communication may be improved by explaining terms with ambiguous meaning when discussing such matters with your partner.

Some possible points to clarify:

- Exclusivity. Is he (and you) seeking only a single sex partner at a time?

- Relationship goals. Sex and activity partner? Cohabiting; adding scale-economies to the above?

- Progression. Does he have a sequence for significant relationship milestones, or use a parallel mindset.

- Marriage. Yes or no, and on what grounds?

***

It may well be you are unsuited to consider some or many of the relationship forms which exist - as may be he.

Best to get this discussed earlier than later.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #8  May 17,2010, 3:50pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Even if it means what it means (casual relationship/physical)...at the very least he's not deceptive and let you know his intention upfront.

Rather than giving you what you want to hear and poof later.
Agree, much better to state his intentions up front and let you decide what you want.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 17,2010, 4:32pm
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I can't disagree with you at all. There are certainly dating sites that are geared more for casual dating or less and they are certainly much cheaper than eHarmony, like free.

However, I have somewhat recently had eHarmony matches that were looking for a golf buddy, and another looking for a business partner. My most recent match that I met said that she was only looking for friends after meeting.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  May 17,2010, 4:35pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
My most recent match that I met said that she was only looking for friends after meeting.

Did she offer an attractive "benefits" package?
 
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