How do you know if she is truly interested?


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lucas7419 is offline lucas7419 Post #1  May 17,2010, 10:44am
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I can't say I am comfortable with this but why not right? I have been divorced for 7 months. My sister's just recently got me on two dating sites. I haven't had to try this in 14 years. I have talked to many and seen a couple of them. But one has gotten my attention. We have been emailing and texting for a week frequently. Friday I sent her a email asking when she was ready I would like to meet to talk wherever she chose and no rush whenever she was ready. I tried to see if she read it yet by asking if she liked the joke (She seems to like them so I started it off with one)? My sister's say she is but I can't seem to figure it out. She asked for my FB account and we are friends on there now and talk about everything. I have told her things about me I haven't told anyone else that I have talked to. But yesterday she didn't respond to my last text and I am just curious.
I don't want to seem desperate or coming on too strong. We have a lot incommon and seem to click online. I like her and would like to see if the chemistry is there in person. What do you think? Again been a while since I have had to do this.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #2  May 17,2010, 11:01am

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People often don't respond right away for many reasons, often times for several days. I would not recomend contacting her again, just let her decide when she's ready.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  May 17,2010, 11:15am
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Hi Lucas and welcome to EHA!

It does not sound to me like you are coming on too strong or acting desperate. It's reasonable after a week of a lot of online contact to say you want to meet in person. It's a good idea ... online-only "relationships" are kind of iffy and if you like someone, it's good to try to move it to real-life.

So it's been since Friday? She's probably thinking it over, is perhaps busy, ... could be lots of reasons why you haven't heard back yet. Give it a little time.

Good luck!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  May 17,2010, 12:46pm
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You are correct that you can only judge chemistry in person. I don't see anything wrong in the way you handled suggesting meeting.

However, I would say that Facebook and texting do not mix well with dating . If you want to play on Facebook do it with your friends from high school that you have not seen for 30 years but don't mix your romantic relationships with Facebook.
 
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lucas7419 is offline lucas7419 Post #5  May 18,2010, 12:06pm
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Well after last night and talking to a friend. He told a story and how now he makes sure he doesn't miss a moment. I took that to heart and I asked her again today we have been emailing all morning at work. Told her I didn't want to assume she got the other email and I didn't want to miss a chance if she was waiting. She told me today when she isn't having a great day it helps talking to me. So I went for it again. Hoping to fly not crash and burn. I'll let ya'll know what she says soon I hope
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  May 18,2010, 12:15pm
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Yay! Good luck. It's nice to be excited about someone, eh?
 
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lucas7419 is offline lucas7419 Post #7  May 18,2010, 1:00pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Yay! Good luck. It's nice to be excited about someone, eh?
Yes very much. I think she feels the same just not sure since it has been 14 years since I had to do this kind of stuff. I have dates lined up and I am talking to others but there is something about this one that has grabbed me. And in a perfect world I would pick her to date if the chemistry is there in person too
 
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penpen2 is offline penpen2 Post #8  May 18,2010, 7:17pm
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Yay! Good for you! Just have fun and go with the flow!
 
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richey is offline richey Post #9  May 18,2010, 10:02pm
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lucas7419 wrote :
We have been emailing and texting for a week frequently.
lucas7419 wrote :
I tried to see if she read it yet by asking if she liked the joke
lucas7419 wrote :
I have told her things about me I haven't told anyone else that I have talked to.
lucas7419 wrote :
I don't want to seem desperate or coming on too strong
I hate to say it Lucas, but you're coming off too strong and perhaps a bit desperate lol. Try to consciously make a point of leaving some things behind for next time, or always try to leave something to look forward to another time. I think this might benefit your interactions with people you are interested in. Leave them wanting more! Then they'll always come back atleast 1 more time! (When people say "be a bit mysterious" to be attractive, this is what they're talking about).

lucas7419 wrote :
Friday I sent her a email asking when she was ready I would like to meet to talk wherever she chose and no rush whenever she was ready.
Okay I definitely wanted to address this as a specific tool to help you right away. I know you're trying to show that your'e nice, accomodating, want to go out with her, and you are flexible. But the end result is somethign unintended. firstly, you are making HER DO THE WORK AND PLANNING to make a date. Secondly it comes off as being a bit too eager to please.

An alternative approach I advise would be coming up with the idea for a date, coming up for a date and time for the date. Ideally it's something you would want to do anyway whether you have a date or not. Then, present it to her and put it more like, "i think it'd be fun. Want to join me?" or "i'd love for you to join me and have fun at this bla bla bla on so-so-so night at such-n-such time."

A Director once told me, make it the path of least resistance, and people will have no choice to follow and this concept is about making it the path of least resistance: you've done all the planning and laid it out, all she has to do is consider it an interesting idea and say 'yes'.

If you think in terms of somebody approaching you.... compare your reaction to:

1) "Hey Lucas... feel like doing something? What do you wanna do?"
vs.
2) "Hey Lucas... man, I found this cool 1-day class on how to do some stunt driving. It's this Saturday and it'll be about $50 for the 1-day class. Wanna go?"

Which would more likely get a "yes" from you?

Good luck. Hope I said something useful.

Richey
 
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