darned if I do, darned if I dont

Back in the dating game again and not having any luck. Met a guy, had 3 great dates, he even wanted me to meet his family at thanksgiving ( I thought it was a little early) On the third date we made out on the couch, after just a pec on the second date. He kept telling me what a great kisser I was, how beautiful and what a great person I was. He asked me if we should stop. I said no, we dont need to stop kissing, he then said he thought we should and very shortly thanked me for the nice evening and I never heard from him again. Fast forward, met another nice guy, went out on 3 great dates. He seemed very interested in me and even was making plans for future vacations, outtings, etc. He would call me maybe once or twice a week but only stayed on the phone long enough to confirm our plans. On the third date we slept together, I felt is was soon, but it felt right. He made plans for another date for the next weekend and told me he would call to confirm the date. He didnt call for 5 days to confirm our date. When he arrived he was very passionate and wanted to "make love" right away-we had a great time out and also great sex that night and the next morning. After that he said he was going home and "thanks for the great evening-no talk of future plans, a hug and kiss on the cheek and he left. Earlier he talked of plans 3-4 weeks in the future. I felt as if he had used me, called him to ask him to call me back, which he didnt so 5 hours later I closed him out. I dont know what to think anymore and am very hurt and confused. Ive been out of the dating sceen for 10 years, any advice?

Sounds like you're going from 0 (peck on the cheek) to 60 (making out on the couch or sex) between date two and date three.

All the future talk - means nothing. Time put in, agreements made and kept, character revealed...those mean things.

I'm not telling you to not have sex when you want to - or to hold off on sex until you get more commitment. That's your choice. Guys are either the kind to do drive-by sex or they aren't. The ones who aren't won't flake on you after they've been in your bed. You seem to be getting the ones who are.

Give it more time. Watch to see that they do what they say they're going to do - all the time. Find out about who they are in other areas of their life. If you want long-term, take a long-term view. The making out and the sex will always be a foregone conclusion at some point. The good character of a man you just met won't be.

Good luck, and welcome to eHA.

All the future talk - means nothing. Time put in, agreements made and kept, character revealed...those mean things.

He seemed very interested in me and even was making plans for future vacations, outtings, etc.

Earlier he talked of plans 3-4 weeks in the future. I felt as if he had used me, called him to ask him to call me back, which he didnt so 5 hours later I closed him out.

Sounds like you're going from 0 (peck on the cheek) to 60 (making out on the couch or sex) between date two and date three.

All the future talk - means nothing. Time put in, agreements made and kept, character revealed...those mean things.

I'm not telling you to not have sex when you want to - or to hold off on sex until you get more committment. That's your choice. Guys are either the kind to do drive-by sex or they aren't. The ones who aren't won't flake on you after they've been in your bed. You seem to be getting the ones who are.

Give it more time. Watch to see that they do what they say they're going to do - all the time. Find out about who they are in other areas of their life. If you want long-term, take a long-term view. The making out and the sex will always be a foregone conclusion at some point. The good character of a man you just met won't be.

Good luck, and welcome to eHA.

Just curious- do you ever contact these guys? You make it sound like they disappeared, so I wonder if you're expecting them to do all the calling. After 3 dates you should be able to pick up the phone.

And stop playing the victim. I get tired of hearing women sleep with a man, then claim he "used" her. Was it voluntary or not? I'm not surprised at all that someone you had already had sex with wanted it again next time you met.