totally stumped about what old h.s. crush wants/expects


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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #1  May 16,2010, 5:22am
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I've posted here about this guy before - was actually one of my first-ever posts back in April! But anyway, to rehash, there's a guy I had a crush on in high school and he and I have lightly flirted occasionally over the years, but we lived on separate coasts so nothing came of it.

moved back to town and ran into him in January, and he said his engagement was on hold, not sure where it was going, I told him I was just getting divorced that month and we talked about catching up sometime down the road. Then in March, after my divorce had settled down, I emailed him to see about having lunch, and he asked first and foremost if I was single and available. and he mentioned his engagement in limbo again, said they weren't even dating at that point. And that he'd love to do lunch.

Then, within a week, he got really flirty with me - sending IM messages that were full of sexual innuendo and, without getting into specifics, he made it clear that he was very attracted to me and even teased about climbing into my window at night and into bed with me. He even went so far as to say that the two of us would have been shocked 25 years ago in high school if someone had told us we'd be talking to each other like that in the year 2010! He initiated all the flirty talk, but I happily went along with it because it was fun, and safe, and, frankly, a turnon! nice to be wanted after 10 years in a bad marriage!

soon afterward, he called me one night, and we talked for a while, and it was flirty and good, too. And all along, he kept saying he really wanted to get together and as soon as his schedule slowed down, he'd set it up.

Well, that was two months ago. Every week, he'd send a message saying he was super busy, but really wanted to meet up with me for lunch or drinks. But that was it. I stopped caring at some point, since obviously a guy who waits two months to do something isn't that into the concept.

but now, it's supposedly going to happen this week. But tied into it now is the fact that I need to hire an occasional freelance person at work who does what he does for a living. so he says he wants to talk about doing that freelance work for me, and catch up, too. it makes me more than a little annoyed that he was too busy to talk to me when it was about romance, but for work, he's suddenly available.

I am curious, however, if there is any romantic interest left. I simply don't know. I would assume that he is attracted to me, since he was just a few months ago, but that he's not interested in embarking on a relationship or pursuing the romance factor at all. I still have good reason to believe he's totally hung up on the ex-fiance.

But...why would a guy be so incredibly flirty and suggestive and provocative, and then not follow through when the woman was clearly into the concept? was my response too slutty and too much for him to handle? As in, "oh, no, what have I gotten myself into?!!" That is what leaves me stumped. In my world, if a guy thinks a girl is hot, and she thinks he's hot, and they both flirt, then they get together! Simple math, right? But obviously not so simple this time. maybe it's cause we're both in our 40's this time and he realizes there are consequences to his actions. unlike when we were 17 and hot for each other, but still never acted on it.

anyway...we're meeting up this week if things go as planned. I am dying to just ASK him about the romance part, but I am not that forward of a girl and instead I just know I will spend the entire evening waiting to see if he makes a move and then end up disappointed when he doesn't.

I know this sounds INCREDIBLY slutty of me, and it is, but I haven't had sex with anyone other than the awful ex husband in the past ten years. I have not had an orgasm with a man in five years (the ex did not believe in satisfying his wife.) I am absolutely dying to have sex and don't want it to be with someone I don't know well. I would love to simply have a fling with this guy. He's totally good for a Friends With Benefits situation. But not sure how to approach that topic or get what I want out of it.

Man...I know I sound awfully slutty. But come on, it's been TEN YEARS! I really need the release. really, really, really!
 
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DrTonto is offline DrTonto Post #2  May 16,2010, 11:26am

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I would assume that he also has anxiety about meeting up with you and spending the night together. What happens if his performance is not as good as he would have liked? What if your much better then the fantasy? You have the magic touch and are forcefully abusive in a sensual way? What happens if he falls in love with you? On and On so, no point in guessing so it's kind of mutual thoughts of pleasure surrounded by what if? Be careful what you wish for your liable to get it.

So have fun and let us know how it went.
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #3  May 16,2010, 12:36pm
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My best guess is that he is still engaged and enjoys the ego stroke of online sexual flirtation. Makes him feel like he's still got it. Actually meeting you means he will either have to confess he is still in a relationship or cheat.

I would be willing to bet his fiance would be shocked to find out their engagement is "up in the air".
 
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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #4  May 16,2010, 1:18pm
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funny! I wrote this and it never appeared, but seemed to be modded because it said it couldn't be found when I'd click on it under my profile posts.

now, here it is! I guess it was modded and finally made it through?

anyway, I typed a cleaner version, and that was getting a good response this morning.

hope that no one thinks i'm crazy! I swear I'm not.

to answer the questions here, the guy is definitely NOT engaged. I know mutual friends of the ex-fiance. definitely an ex situation. and we have seen each other in person. in January. just phone and email since then.

but fruitabu, you're probably onto something - he even told me that flirting with me made him "feel young again" (cause he's the whopping "old" age of 42!) so definitely there is a thrill there. but we've talked about that - feels like we're doing something naughty that we didn't get to do in high school. so definitely something exciting to the whole thing.
 
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