So now let's hear from the guy's about single moms


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nightling is offline nightling Post #1  May 15,2010, 12:10pm
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All right we heard the single mom viewpoint on dating, now ladies, let's take a moment to think about the other point of view, the guys you want to date.

6 Tips for Single Moms: How to Jumpstart Your Dating Life -- Yahoo! Personals

This article has some good talking points I think. And there are probably more good points to be made. Men ... feel free to chime in and teach us, but please be kind about it.

We're all just doing the best we can here and many of us are just as legitimately frustrated with dating for one reason or another as you.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #2  May 15,2010, 12:14pm
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My humble and experienced opinion is that there is not any problems with dating single mothers.
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #3  May 15,2010, 12:35pm
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My perspective is a little different because I'm a single dad with custody. So if I were to remarry while the children are still in the home then I'd prefer it to be a single mom.

I think the really big thing is that she communicate that she's ready to be in a relationship with a guy and give that relationship the time and attention it is going to need. I know we've talked about this before, but under no circumstances communicate in any way the phrase (or similar phrases) of "my children will always come first." Even as a single dad myself, if I see that in any shape or form then it is a dealbreaker.

As a single parent I'm very well aware of all the needs children have, and in no way would I ever want them to feel displaced, minimized, or thrown to the side because I started a relationship with a woman. But if I start a relationship with someone then that means I'm at a place where I'm ready to give both relationships the time and attention they're going to need so that neither ever feels like to have to be 2nd place. I said this on the other thread, and I'll say it here as well; if you need to say "my children will always come first" then imho you are not ready to date.

I'll share some other thoughts as well, but I didn't want this post to be too long.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #4  May 15,2010, 1:15pm
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Laughingdaily wrote :
My humble and experienced opinion is that there is not any problems with dating single mothers.
I posted this in response to another thread where single moms were told why they are difficult to date. This is to encourage the ladies to think about that some, an effort to meet halfway as it were, and to consider the other guy's side of things.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #5  May 15,2010, 1:50pm
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My side of things...

I like a woman who has her own identity. Fanatical mothers (or Christians) that have profile names, license plates, key-chains and tshirts referring to who's mommy they are, turn me off. Do you have a life or hobby outside of being a mother? Tell me about yourself, not how your child is the greatest. Do you serve and spoil your kid rotten or live vicariously through your child?

I think it's also strange and pointless when women post:
"My child is always my first priority; so, be prepared to be #2 in my life." It makes me feel that the woman is inflexible and that she's showing the reader her crutch-card.

My profession is important to me; however, I'm not going to post in my profile:
"My career is #1 in my life and it comes first over anything."
 
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rocchio is offline rocchio Post #6  May 15,2010, 3:34pm
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KungFuFtr wrote :
My side of things...

I like a woman who has her own identity. Fanatical mothers (or Christians) that have profile names, license plates, key-chains and tshirts referring to who's mommy they are, turn me off. Do you have a life or hobby outside of being a mother? Tell me about yourself, not how your child is the greatest. Do you serve and spoil your kid rotten or live vicariously through your child?

I think it's also strange and pointless when women post:
"My child is always my first priority; so, be prepared to be #2 in my life." It makes me feel that the woman is inflexible and that she's showing the reader her crutch-card.

My profession is important to me; however, I'm not going to post in my profile:
"My career is #1 in my life and it comes first over anything."
You've done a nice job of summing it up for me. I'm going to piggy back on your thoughts a bit. If a Mother feels that she has to tell you how devoted to her children she is, it is probably a bad sign. I think most guys make the assumption that when they meet a sensible seemingly responsible woman with kids, that she's a fit mom, and any need to overstate that causes some concern. Declarations of how important her kids are to her sound more like a warning.

I have no problem dating single moms, but I look for the well-adjusted ones, the one's who understand that giving into every whim and desire of her children does the children a diservice. I like to date a mom who does not need to be wired into her brood 24/7 and can leave the phone in the car for an afternoon without feeling that her kids need her that second. A single mom ought to be emotionally healthy enough to make time for herself and her relationship.

While the health and welfare of one's children must be a priority that cannot be compromised, sometimes the desires, not the essential needs, of her children must take a backseat to her relationship. It is that simple. A single mom must be able to tell her children no without feeling guilt. If, for example, a child has to be told sometimes that a sleep-over or a party is not going to work this weekend because it interferes with her plans, she needs to "woman-up" and say--maybe next time.

I'm a single Dad and have raised one child, who's away at school now at the United States Military Academy at West Point, and am still rasing two others who live with me now. Anyone who has ever dated me would never question my commitment to my children's well-being. My kids have always been active and involved with sports and things, but guess what? I don't attend every single sporting event. If I'm dating, it's not always practical. My kids will still grow-up knowing that I cared enough to attend as many of their activities as practical and will not feel as though I haven't been a supportive parent. Sometimes they just have to do it alone. I look at it as preparing them for life. As parents we make lot's of sacrifices for our children, but sacrificing a healthy and normal relationship with another adult is not a sacrafice I am prepared or inclined to make. I would also say having a relationship with another does not have to come at the expense of one's children, but if you have a "kids first" attitude your relationship will never be all that it could be.
Last edited by rocchio; May 15,2010 at 6:17pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  May 15,2010, 5:51pm
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waltercl wrote :
My perspective is a little different because I'm a single dad with custody. So if I were to remarry while the children are still in the home then I'd prefer it to be a single mom.

I think the really big thing is that she communicate that she's ready to be in a relationship with a guy and give that relationship the time and attention it is going to need. I know we've talked about this before, but under no circumstances communicate in any way the phrase (or similar phrases) of "my children will always come first." Even as a single dad myself, if I see that in any shape or form then it is a dealbreaker.

As a single parent I'm very well aware of all the needs children have, and in no way would I ever want them to feel displaced, minimized, or thrown to the side because I started a relationship with a woman. But if I start a relationship with someone then that means I'm at a place where I'm ready to give both relationships the time and attention they're going to need so that neither ever feels like to have to be 2nd place. I said this on the other thread, and I'll say it here as well; if you need to say "my children will always come first" then imho you are not ready to date.

I'll share some other thoughts as well, but I didn't want this post to be too long.
+1
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 15,2010, 5:56pm
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I don't think it is a problem with single moms. It is a problem with individual single women who happen to also be mothers.

I also know that you are referring to single mothers of younger children who need time from the parent. However, dating single mothers of self-sufficient adult children who live at home can be every bit as challenging as one with toddlers.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #9  May 15,2010, 6:34pm
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I'd rather date a single mom, than a single dad.
 
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #10  May 15,2010, 6:34pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :

I also know that you are referring to single mothers of younger children who need time from the parent. However, dating single mothers of self-sufficient adult children who live at home can be every bit as challenging as one with toddlers.
Or maybe worse...

Would it be tough...yeah. but if you loved her would it be worth it....yeah. Also, I would hope as one gets older that you would realize it's not just "all about you". There is a bigger picture here.
 
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