FLV1 is offline FLV1 Post #1  May 15,2010, 10:39am
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After months of emails and skypeing we met. And it wasn't as good as I had hoped. I think he is attractive. I feel we have 'chemistry.' But I did not feel completely connected to him.
He has a hearing problem. He had said often that he has blocked Eustachian tubes which both causes problems hearing and pain. I felt bad for him when I could see that he was hurting and at times I would have to repeat a few things I said when we skyped. But it was worse than that: He couldn't hear half of what I was saying in person. I was so frustrated and disappointed. I like this man. But our visit was so different than I thought it would be because we couldn't talk. I had to almost shout, and there are things that I just couldn't raise my voice to say - especially when we were out.

Do I give this another chance? He flew down from a long distance. We have tons in common. We did have some good conversations and over the four days spent together basically had a good time - although he wasn't as romantic as he had said he was. We have skyped and emailed since. But I'm either feeling really let down and disconnected because of the let down after the big build-up, because we couldn't communicate or because I don't have the feelings I did before we met in person.

Thanks for your insights!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 15,2010, 10:52am
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Were you at a place that had noise, or other reason to think a different place would have produced a better result?

I would say I expect to have conversation in a normal voice, so I would not arrange a meeting in a loud restaraunt or similar.

I might send an e-mail, and ask for his suggestions as to how to counter this. As the party with the issue, both the burden and experience of adaptation ought to be familiar to him.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #3  May 15,2010, 11:10am
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I agree that if the communication problem was the biggest issue to you, talking to him about it and asking for some collaborative solution is a good idea.

As for the romantic part - it could be shyness...a first meeting is just like a first date and it takes time to get to know someone.

Maybe it's just time for you both to talk about the experience and what you'd like to have happen next?
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #4  May 15,2010, 11:16am
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FLV1 wrote :
After months of emails and skypeing we met. And it wasn't as good as I had hoped.

*snipped a bunch out here*

But I'm either feeling really let down and disconnected because of the let down after the big build-up, because we couldn't communicate or because I don't have the feelings I did before we met in person.
I think this also points out one of the dangers of waiting months to meet. It can easily lead to expectations that simply cannot be met.

My gut feeling is that this is what happened and it has nothing to do with the hearing issues.
 
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FLV1 is offline FLV1 Post #5  May 15,2010, 12:06pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Were you at a place that had noise, or other reason to think a different place would have produced a better result?

I would say I expect to have conversation in a normal voice, so I would not arrange a meeting in a loud restaraunt or similar.

I might send an e-mail, and ask for his suggestions as to how to counter this. As the party with the issue, both the burden and experience of adaptation ought to be familiar to him.

He couldn't hear me if we were in a quiet room. And sometimes standing next to him I even had to speak directly into his ear - he would cup his hand behind it to indicate that he needed me to speak into it.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  May 15,2010, 12:21pm
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You listed several things that could account for your changed feeling towards him: difficulty talking, he's not as romantic as you thought, deflation after big anticipation.

Since you like him overall, I guess I would give it some time before making any decisions, see what happens, whether your feelings shift again, or what.

LDRs are harder, and having to adjust to a disability is a challenge. I think it's pretty rare though, to find a relationship where nothing is difficult.

If he lived near you, and could hear normally, but everything else was the same, how would you feel about him?
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #7  May 15,2010, 12:48pm
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FLV1 wrote :
But I'm either feeling really let down and disconnected because of the let down after the big build-up, because we couldn't communicate or because I don't have the feelings I did before we met in person.

Thanks for your insights!
In all likelihood it is a little of both. I come down on the side that if it isn't there at the beginning then it isn't likely to develop over time. Ask yourself honestly, "Do I look forward to meeting him again?", "Am I excited at the prospect of another meeting?" If the answer is no then I believe the best thing is to be honest with yourself and him and just let him know you don't feel there is any potential there. I think it can be easy in this kind of situation to think we're doing the right thing if we give it more time, but sometimes it just leads them on and makes the letdown even harder when you do end it.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 15,2010, 5:48pm
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I can somewhat relate as I have a friend who has hearing loss and wears hearing aids in both ears. I do have to speak louder than I would normally and I do have to repeat myself sometimes.

I also see here the problems of both a LDR and having not been able to meet sooner.

I also would ask if he has seen a ENT doctor as blocked Eustachian tubes frequently has an underlying problem that is treatable or the blockage itself may be treatable.
 
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Sparkenwolf is offline Sparkenwolf Post #9  May 16,2010, 9:34am
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I have tinitus (sp) (constant ringing in ears) so I can understand her frustration. If he flew to meet her, the changes in pressure could have made his hearring worse temporarily. If he doesn't have hearring aids, he definately needs to get them as this affects all aspects of your life. Certain vocal ranges for me are harder to hear, as the ringing overpowers voice, but deal with it pretty well. If the OP decides to meet him again, she should bring up her reluctance to talk about personal subjects with a loud voice. If he can't understand that, then she needs to throw on her tennis shoes and run like heck.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #10  May 16,2010, 10:09am
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How were you able to talk on Skype if he can't hear you?
 
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