nightling is offline nightling Post #1  May 13,2010, 7:14pm
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I see this issue come up a lot at the boards about how people are taking the rejection as something wrong with themselves ... and I think this article has some really good things to say about rejections overall.

Two of them that I think of particular note 1) your date may be exercising good judgment for themselves even though you don't know it yet and 2) why do you want to know why? Usually that comes from "If I know why, then I can change their mind, or change myself to fit." Why would you want to convince someone who has said "no" to you to give you a "yes"? Do you really want to be with someone who is not sure, who is not totally crazy about you? Do you really want to twist yourself into something you're not? Think about it.

Kathryn Lord: Your Recipe for Rejection Prevention -- Yahoo! Personals

Also has a quiz to assess your dating readiness.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #2  May 13,2010, 7:24pm
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Ride along, and Remember to laugh every single day!!

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It is not "rejection", it is "selection" and every person has their own ideas of what attracts them.

Just my humble opinion.
 
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Lookingandlooking is offline Lookingandlooking Post #3  May 13,2010, 7:30pm
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Thanks Nightling!
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #4  May 13,2010, 8:16pm
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My strategy for dealing with rejection is simple. I will wait until they ask me out, and then I can't possibly be rejected.

Of course I haven't had a date in awhile so I might have to rethink my strategy
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #5  May 13,2010, 9:29pm
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I tried that for a decade or so. And shockingly I'm still single!
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #6  May 14,2010, 5:20am
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I think sometimes, the woman rejects you in a way to where she never really closes that door completely. In another words, I'll ask a woman out and she'll say "Oh, I appreciate you asking me out, but I'm seeing somebody right now. But, if things change we can hang out sometime." So, I've heard let downs like that a lot. I used to take that at face value and believe that she really would go out with me if she was single. So, when I find out that the woman is single, I ask her out again and instead of her just saying "I'm not really interested in a dating relationship with you", I just usually get "I can't this weekend. Maybe some other time." So, it's almost as if they want to put you in the back pocket for a rainy day or something. As if they always want to have that option in case all the other guys they are more interested in fizzle out.

For me, that's probably more difficult to deal with than someone flat out saying, I'm just not interested. Which that is hard enough to deal with, but at least you know where you stand and you can move on. But when it's someone you are really interested in and they don't really shut that door completely, then you'll hold on to any hope they give you. Problem with that is, eventually you get the idea that they're just not woman enough to be straight with you, and you then have to deal with being rejected and also feeling like a stalker on top of that.

Nothing breaks a guys confidence more than a woman given some sense of false hope to string you along, and then rejects you by simply avoiding you until you finally get the hint. I've had that done to me so many times in the past, that it's made me very fearful of rejection. I mean, I'm a good guy and I'm a cool guy. If you don't want to date me, that's fine. We can be friends or just good acquaintances and leave it at that. But I've had the "pleasure" of asking out women who have toyed with me to the point where it's made me very jaded about the whole asking out and dating thing. Almost to the point where I dread seeing someone I'm interested in, because I believe they'll do the same thing to me like the other women have.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #7  May 14,2010, 5:31am

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Without reading the article, sorry Nightling, it seems like we see the rejection as a criticism of us as a person when it is nothing more than we are not compatable with that particular person. It is not that there is anything with the way we laugh it is just that specific person doesn't like the way we laugh. I wish people didn't take rejection so personally I think we would have a happier world.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  May 14,2010, 5:42am
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Think that first date rejection can really be boiled down to three simple things:

1) If it's not a yes, then it IS rejection.

2) It really is all about them and not you. They don't know you enough to reject YOU, but they know themselves very well.

3) But if only they give me a chance......nah....see #2, be grateful they are saving you from them and sparing you wasting more time and even greater grief than the current sting you are feeling
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 14,2010, 6:33am
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nightling wrote :
I see this issue come up a lot at the boards about how people are taking the rejection as something wrong with themselves ... and I think this article has some really good things to say about rejections overall.

Two of them that I think of particular note 1) your date may be exercising good judgment for themselves even though you don't know it yet and 2) why do you want to know why? Usually that comes from "If I know why, then I can change their mind, or change myself to fit." Why would you want to convince someone who has said "no" to you to give you a "yes"? Do you really want to be with someone who is not sure, who is not totally crazy about you? Do you really want to twist yourself into something you're not? Think about it.

Kathryn Lord: Your Recipe for Rejection Prevention -- Yahoo! Personals

Also has a quiz to assess your dating readiness.
1) This statement is saying that "you" are defective and should not be allowed amongst the general population.

2) I would like to know why so that if I am exhibiting some behavior that improper that I am not aware of, I then am made aware of it and can correct it if it is something that I would like to correct. It is not about becoming someone that I am not or trying to convince someone to change their mind.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 14,2010, 6:37am
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DancingFool wrote :
Think that first date rejection can really be boiled down to three simple things:

1) If it's not a yes, then it IS rejection.

2) It really is all about them and not you. They don't know you enough to reject YOU, but they know themselves very well.
This is not a given.

3) But if only they give me a chance......nah....see #2, be grateful they are saving you from them and sparing you wasting more time and even greater grief than the current sting you are feeling
Yes indeed see #2. They don't know me well enough to judge me and if they had taken the time to actually know me then they may have found in me exactly what they really did want.
Above.
 
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