He tells you he's not dating anyone else...


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happypants1 is offline happypants1 Post #1  May 13,2010, 2:19pm
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Hi all. I am trying to decipher the words of a guy I've now gone on 8 dates with. He asked me how many other people I'm dating and I told him I was seeing two other people. I asked him the same, and he responded with "I'm down to just you." Then he took his profile down a week later. I didn't take mine down. After a week he put his back up. We have gone out since then and keep in touch at least every other day.

He has told me he really likes me, is very comfortable with me, puts his arm around me and stuff like that. We're both in our mid to late thirties.

What do you all think this means?? Opinions please. Thanks!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  May 13,2010, 2:37pm
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happypants1 wrote :
Hi all. I am trying to decipher the words of a guy I've now gone on 8 dates with. He asked me how many other people I'm dating and I told him I was seeing two other people. I asked him the same, and he responded with "I'm down to just you." Then he took his profile down a week later. I didn't take mine down. After a week he put his back up. We have gone out since then and keep in touch at least every other day.

He has told me he really likes me, is very comfortable with me, puts his arm around me and stuff like that. We're both in our mid to late thirties.

What do you all think this means?? Opinions please. Thanks!
offhand, I think it means he wanted to know how many other guys you were dating, and he just found out.
Anything beyond that is pure speculation.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  May 13,2010, 2:44pm
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happypants1 wrote :
Hi all. I am trying to decipher the words of a guy I've now gone on 8 dates with. He asked me how many other people I'm dating and I told him I was seeing two other people. I asked him the same, and he responded with "I'm down to just you." Then he took his profile down a week later. I didn't take mine down. After a week he put his back up. We have gone out since then and keep in touch at least every other day.

He has told me he really likes me, is very comfortable with me, puts his arm around me and stuff like that. We're both in our mid to late thirties.

What do you all think this means?? Opinions please. Thanks!
what do you think of him?

do you want to be exclusive?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  May 13,2010, 2:57pm
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You don't deserve someone who will be exclusive with you, if you're not willing to be exclusive with him.

I couldn't imagine continuing to "play the field" after eight meetings.

What I think he is thinking, is that you're using him to take you out while you look for someone else.

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Nothing wrong with being casual, just that it's a good idea to make sure everyone is on the same page.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #5  May 13,2010, 3:08pm
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after 8 dates... and I'll guess about 1 month of dating? he's probably ready to be in an exclusive relationship with you.

based on your question, it doesn't sound like you have anything against being exclusive with him, but maybe you just don't know where he stands?

If I had to take a guess, I'd say that he was in the same boat, and unsure of where you stood, until you told him that you were still dating others... maybe he assumed exclusivity after so many dates.

If I were you, I would be completely honest with him and tell him whether you want to be exclusive or not, and what you are waiting for if you need more time to determine if you want to be exclusive.

If you do not want to be exclusive, now or never... then you need to be honest with him and tell him you just like hanging out with him.
 
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theprincessbride is offline theprincessbride Post #6  May 13,2010, 3:18pm
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happypants1 wrote :
Hi all. I am trying to decipher the words of a guy I've now gone on 8 dates with. He asked me how many other people I'm dating and I told him I was seeing two other people. I asked him the same, and he responded with "I'm down to just you." Then he took his profile down a week later. I didn't take mine down. After a week he put his back up. We have gone out since then and keep in touch at least every other day.

He has told me he really likes me, is very comfortable with me, puts his arm around me and stuff like that. We're both in our mid to late thirties.

What do you all think this means?? Opinions please. Thanks!
He just realized that you are a "player." Taking his profile down was like saying, "I am sure about you." You, by not taking down yours and by saying that you value dating many men at the same time, have shown him that you are not "serious" about him. A trio is just that -- one too many.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  May 13,2010, 3:19pm
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I'm with Froggie on this one. I think his asking you how many men you are seeing was his way of indicating he may want to go exclusive, soon.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #8  May 13,2010, 3:37pm

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Hi Happy Pants......as grown up people, it's really easiest for you and he to actually talk together about what you expect from each other instead of you asking us what he means. We're just guessing, based on our past experiences.

Game playing-taking the profile down then making it public again for example-isn't a very mature way of signaling interest. He has no way of knowing if you even noticed it.

Why not schedule a date with him to talk about you and he and the potential for a lovely summer dating each other. Or not.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  May 13,2010, 4:03pm
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
Game playing-taking the profile down then making it public again for example-isn't a very mature way of signaling interest. He has no way of knowing if you even noticed it.

I was thinking this could be anger, on his part, on indecisevness.
 
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slaw is offline slaw Post #10  May 13,2010, 4:32pm
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D_Lion wrote :
You don't deserve someone who will be exclusive with you, if you're not willing to be exclusive with him.

Nothing wrong with being casual, just that it's a good idea to make sure everyone is on the same page.
This is dead on. Why would you wait until date #8 to tell him that you were seeing other people and, even then, only when he asked? I am sorry but that is bush league. Now, you've caused yourself this drama with him cause you are on two different pages when it comes to your relationship. Why people aren't honest with each other about this stuff upfront just blows my mind.
 
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