you "out-do" him in the looks department.... Does it matter?


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  May 12,2010, 7:53pm
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truthaboutcupid wrote :
3. Men who are dating "way up" in terms of looks. In other words, you are a "hot" mom. He is the guy who never had a date. But he is good to you and you sacrifice physical chemistry for being with someone who takes out the trash and everything else. He has his arm candy. He could be much older or younger, but you "out-do" him in the looks department.
I thought I would start a new topic... this came as a result of a post in the "single mom's" thread about why guys date single moms (in some cases it turned to saying... should not date...), and who would date a single mom...

I thought this was an interesting post... not because I think single moms should be desparate enough to get someone they feel they do not have chemistry with, just so they can get someone who can "take out the trash" and everything else... but, because, I wonder if others think that dating someone (regardless of looks) matters, when there is a definite difference in what people would perceive as very good looking... versus, probably not that much.

The guy I'm dating right now... if anyone saw the two of us walking down the street, they would definitely call us the "Odd" couple... we look the exact opposite... he's much older (20+ years), extremely tall, different race, I would probably be labeled a 8 or 9 on the looks scale... he closer to a 4, maybe 5... and yes, we get the stares. Do I care... not at all.

But, one of my friends the other day asked me why I chose that particular guy when she felt I could have dated someone closer to my own... level (her words not mine). My answer... because he treats me like his princess... and he really does. I like that.

So, is looks/weight worth sacrificing (guy or girl), when you have someone that treats you like a treasure? At some point... doesn't heart outweigh all of those other things?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  May 12,2010, 8:02pm
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First with respect to the title. I sure hope she out does me in the looks department

With respect to your actual text. Looks fade (or require a lot of expensive surgery) but values are forever.
 
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suzyque is online now suzyque Post #3  May 12,2010, 8:14pm
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Jussmile, when I was younger I was attracted to men based on their looks pretty much exclusively. Now, not so much. I think most people would consider me more attractive than my boyfriend. He's older as well, on the shorter side, balding, very thin, and has thick glasses. Kinda looks like the computer programmer techie he is. However, he's extremely intelligent and treats me like a lady. However, lately we've been having problems, he has a bit of a temper, and it seems to flare up over silly things. I wonder if Iwould be willing to overlook his faults if he were better looking. I wonder if because his looks are lacking I expect more from him in other areas. Just something I'm pondering lately.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #4  May 12,2010, 8:23pm
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suzyque wrote :
Jussmile, when I was younger I was attracted to men based on their looks pretty much exclusively. Now, not so much. I think most people would consider me more attractive than my boyfriend. He's older as well, on the shorter side, balding, very thin, and has thick glasses. Kinda looks like the computer programmer techie he is. However, he's extremely intelligent and treats me like a lady. However, lately we've been having problems, he has a bit of a temper, and it seems to flare up over silly things. I wonder if Iwould be willing to overlook his faults if he were better looking. I wonder if because his looks are lacking I expect more from him in other areas. Just something I'm pondering lately.
I'm thinking an angry temper is never pretty even when wrapped in a pretty package.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #5  May 12,2010, 8:29pm
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WYskywatcher wrote :
I'm thinking an angry temper is never pretty even when wrapped in a pretty package.
I agree about putting up with a bad temper, and attitude... but, I also understand what suzyq is trying to say...

will you put up with something with a good looking person, that you would expect more from with a person who doesn't look as good... when you think you are good looking? Interesting..
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #6  May 12,2010, 9:01pm
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jussmile wrote :
but, I also understand what suzyq is trying to say...

will you put up with something with a good looking person, that you would expect more from with a person who doesn't look as good... when you think you are good looking? Interesting..
huh?

I guess I can't relate. hmmm...I'm not even sure how to express why I can't relate to the line of thinking in the OP. It's so much more of a matter of the heart to me. It feels disloyal to me to even think about thinking about labeling my partner based on his looks.

And why would I hold myself over him as if his value were measured against my looks? Why would my looks be the baseline for that? It's as foreign as the thought of drinking water through my ears. Yeah, makes no sense right? That's my point, I just can't relate.

*shrugs*
Last edited by WYskywatcher2; May 12,2010 at 9:03pm. Reason: carry on
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #7  May 12,2010, 9:03pm
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jussmile wrote :
...Do I care... not at all...

...because he treats me like his princess... and he really does. I like that....
the parts that i pulled out of your post are all that matter. i wish you both well!
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #8  May 13,2010, 2:09am
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jussmile wrote :

So, is looks/weight worth sacrificing (guy or girl), when you have someone that treats you like a treasure? At some point... doesn't heart outweigh all of those other things?

This.
Absolutely.

I'm certainly not an 8 or 9 (and I'm positive that those scales are subjective anyway), more of a "presentable" or "pleasant looking" when I'm making the effort. My guy is very good-looking as far as I'm concerned, but has a significant, highly visible, physical condition that has people staring when we're out.

He does, as you put it, treat me like a treasure, and I in turn try to treat him the same way.

I swear, the next time I hear someone mutter, "poor soul" as we pass, I'm gonna punch someone in the face. Nothing "poor" about him.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #9  May 13,2010, 2:41am

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jussmile wrote :

The guy I'm dating right now... if anyone saw the two of us walking down the street, they would definitely call us the "Odd" couple... we look the exact opposite... he's much older (20+ years), extremely tall, different race, I would probably be labeled a 8 or 9 on the looks scale... he closer to a 4, maybe 5... and yes, we get the stares. Do I care... not at all.
Yes you do care. You say this over and over and over. You care that you believe you are hot and he is not. I am glad you are happy with your arrangement but you really need to stop saying you don't care because your words say otherwise.
WYskywatcher wrote :
huh?

I guess I can't relate. hmmm...I'm not even sure how to express why I can't relate to the line of thinking in the OP. It's so much more of a matter of the heart to me. It feels disloyal to me to even think about thinking about labeling my partner based on his looks.

And why would I hold myself over him as if his value were measured against my looks? Why would my looks be the baseline for that? It's as foreign as the thought of drinking water through my ears. Yeah, makes no sense right? That's my point, I just can't relate.

*shrugs*
Exactly. I really couldn't tell you if any of my exes or my current boyfriend are better looking than me. After all the scale slides with each person. To me the act of defining who is hot or not shows the true attitude I am beautiful but I give up what I am entitled to for stability, or being treated like the princess I believe my looks deserve.

Whatever, I am as confused as you are.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #10  May 13,2010, 4:35am
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