Outsourcing Online Dating?


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DrTonya is offline DrTonya Post #1  May 11,2010, 6:07pm
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To those of you who have been around a while know that I may respond to numerous threads but I have rarely posted a thread of my own. However, I saw this article online and thought it would make for interesting discussion.

No time to date online? Outsource it - Tech and gadgets- msnbc.com

We have had a bazillion threads requesting profile reviews, discussing the worst thing ever read in a profile, bemoaning sorting thru incomplete profiles, overanalyzing those initial emails in OC, etc. etc. Well, turns out that there are services out there happy to do this all for us - down to even those initial communications with matches . These services will help write your profile, search through matches/profiles and screen them based on your criteria, write the initial emails back and forth, set up the date, even pick out your outfit to wear! The person using the service simply has to show up.

Some compare this to matchmaking services. My initial reaction is that this "service" takes it a bit further than traditional matchmakers to a place I am not personally comfy with. I have no issue with a service that will help with someone's profile (eH does that) or even help sort thru matches/profiles. I *do* have issues with a service writing those initial emails on a date's behalf (the article says the client does have to approve the email...but still). Where do we draw the line?

Any thoughts? If this service was affordable, would it be something you would use personally? What would you think if a date confessed to using such a service?

I'm really curious as to what you all think.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 11,2010, 6:17pm
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DrTonya wrote :
Outsourcing Online Dating?

Department of Redundancy Department wishes to announce an announcement will be posted, shortly or momentarily, in which a statement will be made, that dating is confusing.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  May 11,2010, 6:23pm
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Hmm, Patti Stanger - Millionaire MatchMaker.
 
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DrTonya is offline DrTonya Post #4  May 11,2010, 6:37pm
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Do either of you gentleman care to answer the questions I posed?

Gr8Guy - I get the similarities to "matchmaking" except for one key issue (for me): when involved with a matchmaking service, usually both parties know about it; here, these services to help with online dating strongly discourage their clients to ever reveal that the initial contacts were not made personally but instead by this service .

I am familiar with Cyrano de Bergerac, but I prefer to have potential dates contact me directly, using their own words. Wouldn't it weird you out if a date revealed to you that they did not write those initial exchanges? Am I completely over thinking this?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  May 11,2010, 6:49pm
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I doubt I would ever pay to have a "service" write my e-mails (if I was that rich, I wouldn't need it.)

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If a woman told me she used such a service, I can see myself being sceptical of her, or respecting her business - in either case, is she cute?
 
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TheDizzle is offline TheDizzle Post #6  May 11,2010, 6:57pm
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I don't see any difference in this service than in using e-harmony on your own.

My expectation as a paying customer of e-harmony is simple: I want it to introduce me to people I wouldn't have otherwise met outside of my normal social circle. I work a lot, and I'm generally pretty busy... I don't really expect to find the love of my life here (although it'd be cool I guess) - all I want e-harmony to do is open a few doors I may not have ever knew existed.

With that being said, I don't really care how someone makes that "initial" contact with me. Some people simply can't articulate things as well in writing as they can through spoken language - so having someone else create an image for them in the online world doesn't seem like a bad idea for that type of person. Even if it's not accurate, that's what meeting in person is for. Ultimately the goal is to get dates, and I believe that service might help some people in that regard.

Hey - some of us might actually start hearing back from matches if this thing goes into full swing

TL;DR - Nah, it doesn't phase me much. Worst case is that person doesn't come off as their profile made them out to be - and a bad date is always better than no date in my book
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  May 11,2010, 7:00pm
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I might consider using this service only if they offered some safety stops in the process. Like allowing me to further sift through the profiles they chose to see if I am truly interested or giving me the opportunity to write my first "basic" message in my own words.

I have plenty of time to date, just don't have the money for it.

If I did find out that a man I met online used a service like this I might be inclined to give him an earful and stop seeing him. But, it also depends on a few factors. Did I feel deceived by the initial communications? Was there a huge disconnect between those communications and the person I met?

Interesting topic, DrTonya.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #8  May 11,2010, 7:02pm
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It's an interesting question...

I mean, people come here and ask for advice on what to say in initial contact. I'm guessing they ask friends, and I'm almost certain that family offers suggestions without being asked. So, how much of our first impressions are really us to begin with?

Still...I might try it once as a novelty, but I'd rather represent myself. There's something less satisfying and terribly inauthentic about having your romantic correspondance written for you - kind of like cheating at online Scrabble (for the novelty, people, just for the novelty ).
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #9  May 11,2010, 7:07pm

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Dang I thought this was about pretty Russian women mail order service!
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #10  May 11,2010, 7:09pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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I would like to have a delightful man -- carefully chosen -- appear at my doorstep. Can they do that...lol?

If they could just take care of closing out all of my ancient matches, that would be a big help.

That being said, I don't have a problem with outsourcing the sifting through and whatnot, or making first automated contacts with canned questions (that I would have previously identified), but when it comes to representing themselves as me (e.g., in writing responses to questions), that's going too far.

Help with an outfit would be much appreciated...lol!
 
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