When do you introduce kids to a new bf/gf?


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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #1  May 11,2010, 5:39am
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since I'm new to dating as a single parent, I'm curious when is the right time to introduce kids to a new bf/gf? My son is two, so I'm not sure when would be the right time. I'm thinking at least a few months in, once I know the guy will be in my life for at least a little while. I don't want my son growing up thinking that mom had a string of "friends" coming in and out of the house all the time!

and even then, how do you describe them? I still feel like calling them a "friend" is better than boyfriend. And then, if the relationship progresses, explain how much mommy likes her friend, etc.

but not sure if this is the best way to go. any suggestions?

and please don't confuse introducing my son to a boyfriend with me letting the guy spend the night - that one is an absolute no in my world. Even in a committed relationship, I am not going to let the guy spend the night if it's a night my son is with me. not unless we are married. that's non-negotiable.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  May 11,2010, 8:22am
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It might seem like a long time but I would say at least 4 to 6 months. Most relationships (especially if you date a lot) dont last longer than that imo.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #3  May 11,2010, 8:30am

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Here is my take on this. I dated my ex-boyfriend for over two years and he never met my younger kids. It just didn't feel right. Probably should have ended it quicker just based on that but that would be another thread. My current boyfriend met my kids three weeks after we started going out because everything felt right.

My point is don't limit yourself with X time. It may be too soon depending or too long. Follow your gut. Even those that stink at following their gut with relationships do pretty well when it comes to protecting their kids.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #4  May 11,2010, 9:01am
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readytodate wrote :
since I'm new to dating as a single parent, I'm curious when is the right time to introduce kids to a new bf/gf? My son is two, so I'm not sure when would be the right time. I'm thinking at least a few months in, once I know the guy will be in my life for at least a little while. I don't want my son growing up thinking that mom had a string of "friends" coming in and out of the house all the time!

and even then, how do you describe them? I still feel like calling them a "friend" is better than boyfriend. And then, if the relationship progresses, explain how much mommy likes her friend, etc.

but not sure if this is the best way to go. any suggestions?

and please don't confuse introducing my son to a boyfriend with me letting the guy spend the night - that one is an absolute no in my world. Even in a committed relationship, I am not going to let the guy spend the night if it's a night my son is with me. not unless we are married. that's non-negotiable.
They don't meet my kid until I'm sure the relationship isn't going to poof. I don't want my kid to get attached to some guy and liking him and then suddenly he's no longer around.
 
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tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #5  May 11,2010, 9:03am
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My rule is 3 -6 mos. I dated a guy for 4 mos and I never even thought of introducing the kids. I knew it was not long term. I do think you will know when something is real. So like Jo I say trust your instincts.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #6  May 11,2010, 9:36am
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I don't think there is a fixed time period. As others have stated... go with your gut. I have mostly learned with my child that kids just don't want to feel that some man or woman is being shoved down their throat. Sometimes parents can actually make too big of a deal out of an introduction and it feels awkward or pressuring. I think the concept of having "friends" you do things with makes a whole lot of sense. If you are comfortable and casual about an introduction, then your kids probably will be too.

The key is your behavior around the kids. I am a firm believer in no sleepovers or other major displays of affection. That will be reserved only for a person I am very serious about.
 
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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #7  May 12,2010, 5:53am
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thanks for all of the great advice!!!
 
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