Nate879 is offline Nate879 Post #1  May 10,2010, 9:13pm
Nate879's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2010

Posts: 33

See profile

Hi everyone,

So my first real attempt at asking a girl out didn't turn out so well. I got the "I just don't see you that way, and I just want to be friends" and "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" talk. I couldn't really see anything more I could do, so I just told her that I could respect that and that I would leave her alone and wished her luck with her future.

Obviously it hurts a little. Not as much as it would if we had been dating, but still. I keep trying to tell myself to get over it and move on, but I'm having a hard time with that. I keep going over everything in my head to see if it was something that I might have done that made her feel this way. Is this a normal reaction to being turned down (again, it's my first time asking someone out so I've never had this happen before)?

I'm trying to focus on what I've learned from this and the ways that it benefits me: I'm shy, and actually getting her number and asking her out took me way out of my comfort zone, so that was an overall good experience; I learned a little about communicating with girls, etc.

What else can I do to get over this? How long does it usually take?

Thanks
 
  Reply With Quote
livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  May 10,2010, 9:19pm
livenlearn's Avatar

Yay! spring has sprung.

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

cosmos

Posts: 3,439

See profile

And guess what? You did it and lived through it! You didnt die. Ok, your ego might be little hurt but you will get over it.
 
  Reply With Quote
Kamek is offline Kamek Post #3  May 10,2010, 9:20pm
Kamek's Avatar

is jamming out. Don't judge!

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2008

Orlando, Florida

Posts: 120

See profile

Yes it's a perfectly normal reaction. We guys go through it a lot. You'll probably get much better replies than mine since it's late and I can't think very well atm, but honestly man I wouldn't fret too much. It does hurt, especially since it was your first experience.

It can take a while to get over for some, but in my opinion the sooner you realize that there are more out there and this one probably wasn't the best one for you anyway, then the sooner you will be able to get over it. As time goes on, the more times you ask girls out the more comfortable you will get doing it.

Chin up man.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  May 10,2010, 9:39pm
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,076

See profile

Sorry Nate! But congratulations for jumping in. That is a big step, since you say you're shy, and going through the whole process you learned a lot.

I remember getting turned down the first 2 times I asked a man out. I was crushed. It was hard screwing my courage up to do it, and then I felt so let down and kind of humiliated. I would imagine that's what men go through too.

The only way to avoid those kinds of experiences is just to never ask anyone out. Not a very good solution, eh?

Well at least you've got the first-time over with ... it will get easier. And imagine how good it will feel when she says Yes. Good luck next time!
 
  Reply With Quote
Lakers4Life is offline Lakers4Life Post #5  May 10,2010, 9:40pm
Lakers4Life's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 7

See profile

It happens to everyone man, keep your head up. Like you said, its good experience for next time and you probably learned something thru it all.
 
  Reply With Quote
gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #6  May 10,2010, 11:25pm
gothustartus's Avatar

is thinking about someone special

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2009

London, England

Posts: 1,753

See profile

People who have never been turned down have probably never asked anyone out in the first place. Rejection happens no matter how confident, rich or buff you might be, the thing is to not take it personally, it's not an attack or a judgement of worth or desireability, it doesn't mean you did something wrong (barring shoving your tongue down a strangers throat and asking how she likes her eggs in the morning) or should have done something better, all it means it that the person you asked wasn't interested.
 
  Reply With Quote
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #7  May 11,2010, 12:07am

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

Nate879 wrote :
What else can I do to get over this?
Think of it as an experience....every trial adds another experience under your belt (even when it doesn't necessarily come to fruition). Just like anything else, when you don't succeed the first time, brush yourself off, or take a short break to regroup, and hop back on the saddle and keep on going.

Nate879 wrote :
How long does it usually take?
It varies from .2 second to months-years....but ya know...just like that one job you hated in high school....or that temp job you hated in college, or project you couldn't stand. You don't forget those things, but that is not a bad thing (unless you let it be a bad thing). Being turned down is a natural thing...you got the bigger guts by taking the risk (rather than some people don't ever have the guts for taking the risk and letting the other person make the call)....be proud of it.

Think about the difference:

You've made the call/step of asking the girl out- she said no. Technically you've WON. You have made the effort.

You don't make the call, you stay home and wonder 'what if'.....or creating your own illusion that if the person doesn't call you, she doesn't like you (goes for both gender).yes, there's no rejection.....it's safe...but you have lost while the other person lives her/his life.

Now....that's my nice pep talk....now stop ccmplaining...do some push ups...walk it off and get on with it! LOL (joking )


Good luck man.
 
  Reply With Quote
KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #8  May 11,2010, 12:13am
KungFuFtr's Avatar

I just saved a bundle on child support by switching to condoms!

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

San Antonio Texas

Posts: 1,025

See profile

First off, good for you. To get anything in life you must sacrifice something, this may come in the form of sweat, pain, dollars or ego. I know this doesn't take the pain away, but at least you're a go-getter.

It's just a number's game. Even if you're a generous model with perfect spelling and boat loads of cash, there will be people who aren't interested.

I've been there too. Hell... I've even been critisized and slightly insulted on a couple rare occasions. What seemed to help was to share these stories with some friends and kind of make a funny contest about it.
 
  Reply With Quote
greg75 is offline greg75 Post #9  May 11,2010, 4:27am
greg75's Avatar

is feeling awesome!

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2010

Martinsville, VA

Posts: 930

See profile

gothustartus wrote :
(barring shoving your tongue down a strangers throat and asking how she likes her eggs in the morning)

You've tried that too huh? Glad I'm not the only one...LOL!

OP. Not to worry, all of us guys have had our share of rejection, some more than others. It's all a natural process of dating or the attempt at dating. You should talk to me, I'm the rejection king....hahaha!
 
  Reply With Quote
Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #10  May 11,2010, 5:43am
Ephemera's Avatar

is watching the little sleeping mousies.

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,158

See profile

And remember that for every girl that turns you down there are at least four others that are waiting for you to ask so they can say 'yes'. Expand the pool and ask girls out that might not seem to be exactly everything you are looking for and maybe you will be surprised at how much they do have to offer. Not saying to lower your core standards - just broaden the scope of your possibilities. Your heart seems good and that is huge for lots of women. Best of luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« First Date Attire | Dating | Discerning or Judging? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Should I have Turned her Down? chiraven let's talk about sex 42 July 5,2010 3:42pm
he's turned my daughter against me horse_whisperer What makes us tick? 1 March 23,2010 8:45pm
A little turned off... GEF2 let's talk about sex 3 February 28,2010 11:02pm
Turned Matching Back on - Lessons learned and other thoughts stevex Dating 20 October 10,2009 9:51am
have you turned down friends in eH advice and why? pussinboots Using eHarmony 23 July 23,2009 9:18am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Come on, just because the guy is old and hasn't dated doesn't make him a toad. Lots of people have divorced and not dated in years due to job, kids, or whatever. You said he seemed nice. Maybe he is ... ” –  Altair

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“No, you have missed the point entirely. (Which is again evidence that raising children is far easier than most things.) Only a tiny fraction of motivated, able people succeed in reaching space. ... ” –  scubaroo

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“You need to try harder ... cus harder is always mo bettah!” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“I went hunting the other day and I bagged a deer.” –  myusernamehere

Join the “Good News” discussion

“Well, I'd start by trying to learn the reason. If he doesn't like "desk jobs," or respect corporations for perceived ethics, then maybe an entreprenurial venture is more his style? If he simply ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “How to motivate a person?” discussion

“How to be happy with him? Chicks dig firefighters ...” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Ways to motivate him?” discussion

“Hi Suzanne, please see comments below in red. Overall, you seem to be a deep, sensitive and spiritual person. You have interesting hobbies and occupations. Remember there are hundreds and thousands ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “Seeking review of my profile: 52 yr old woman, Pittsburgh area” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:15pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0