Does weight matter to men and women when choosing a mate?


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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #1  May 10,2010, 1:46pm
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In the last weight thread it was suggested that we could only discuss the subject within a very narrow set of parameters that fit with the original intent of the OP. Well.....now I'm the OP

I'll start the thread with a similar post that I had on another thread:

There are no doubt a lot of women who post or lurk who wonder how men really do feel about weight and what is behind their thinking. They also wonder how much is too much and what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.

Here is my short way to answer that. Look at a BMI chart http://www.allenobgyn.com/images/BMI-Chart.png and find where you fall on it. If the question is framed as "Will my weight be a factor in guys not wanting to go out with me?" Then in my humble opinion the answer would be:

If you fall within the healthy range then the answer is: No
If you fall within the overweight range then the answer is: Possibly
If you fall within the obese range or bigger then the answer is: Probably

You also have to factor in what kind of guys are in your target audience. If you're mainly interested in guys who are roughly the same proportions as you then it is not going to matter as much no matter what you weigh. Yes men who are bigger still may prefer someone who is proportionally smaller (yes I know this is hypocritical, and I agree it's hypocritical), but there will be many who aren't.

There is an unhealthy obsessive extreme to any kind of thinking. I would not be comfortable with someone who is obsessive and driven with regards to fitness. My routines and diet aren't perfect. Sometimes I'll deviate a little bit. I love sweet tea, and I have refused to give it up But on the other hand there is a very healthy attitude of excellence that can and should exist in every area of our lives. And yes I do believe that excellence in one area can carry over into others. The benefits one experiences with becoming more healthy and losing weight goes beyond the physical.
Last edited by waltercl; May 10,2010 at 2:23pm.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #2  May 10,2010, 2:20pm
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waltercl wrote :
There are no doubt a lot of women who post or lurk who wonder how men really do feel about weight and what is behind their thinking. They also wonder how much is too much and what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.

It isn't that I want to be preachy with my beliefs, but I don't want to leave the unhealthy and self-defeating attitudes unchecked.
In a nutshell: this is your opinion only. Is it likely that many men and women will agree? Yes!

I have zero issue with any man or woman stating a personal preference when it comes to physical appearance and traits and hobbies and education and/or professional achievement they wish to see present in a potential partner.

But I have a huge issue with wrapping up that personal opinion and delivering it in the interest of not wanting to leave 'unhealthy and self-defeating attitudes unchecked.'

It is not a correct assumption that people with an acceptable BMI will be healthy-minded and therefore will have formed healthy habits. I am obese. I eat better than many of my peers who are in healthy weight ranges.
Last edited by meri75; May 10,2010 at 2:21pm. Reason: Added some missing words
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #3  May 10,2010, 2:27pm
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First of all I need to thank you for pointing out that comment about being preachy. I copied and pasted from another thread, and I thought I had removed anything that was specific to that thread. I missed that sentence since it was only applicable in that discussion.

The reason I wanted to start a thread was so that we could lay some things out from the beginning rather than having the discussion dissolve into a lot of misunderstandings. When you're dealing with a particular thread where someone has posted about their own experiences then different views see that person's situation differently and to some degree put themselves in that position and become more of an advocate rather than an objective participant.

With this, I'm not talking about any particular situation but just the preference in general. Maybe I'm naive, but I really do believe that if we can have this discussion outside the normal hot hottedness that often occurs then we can come to some understanding if not agreement.
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #4  May 10,2010, 2:42pm
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meri75 wrote :
It is not a correct assumption that people with an acceptable BMI will be healthy-minded and therefore will have formed healthy habits. I am obese. I eat better than many of my peers who are in healthy weight ranges.
I don't disagree. And I think this is an area where when this subject is discussed both sides end up talking past each other rather than listening. A woman can fall within a healthy range, work out, have good habits, etc., but still be outside someone's preference. This could be for a variety of reasons. Some may be reasonable, and some may not be. I'm a smaller guy so I'm going to prefer a smaller woman. That doesn't mean if someone is outside my preference that there is something wrong with them.

If a woman is doing all she can or all she feels comfortable doing, and there are those that are passing her over then that is just the way it is. Trust me, guys are passed over for various reasons as well.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #5  May 10,2010, 2:50pm
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waltercl wrote :
Trust me, guys are passed over for various reasons as well.
If I have to lift his stomach out of the way to see the action, yes, I'll pass.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #6  May 10,2010, 2:59pm
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OP, do you really think there is anyone here on the boards that does not know your position on this subject?

really?!?!?!?!?
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #7  May 10,2010, 3:04pm
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notyet wrote :
OP, do you really think there is anyone here on the boards that does not know your position on this subject?

really?!?!?!?!?
I didn't start the thread to make known my position. I started the thread to have the discussion outside the normal way that it comes up. What often happens is someone comes on the boards asking about why they've had a bad experience with men and weight, and then both sides come out swinging. It's really hard to have a balanced and low-key discussion when that happens.

If there's no desire to have the discussion then the thread slowly sinks to the bottom and fades away. It's the natural order of things.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  May 10,2010, 3:22pm
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waltercl wrote :

There is an unhealthy obsessive extreme to any kind of thinking. I would not be comfortable with someone who is obsessive and driven with regards to fitness.
Interesting. Certainly most people who are good at sports or serious about fitness could be considered "driven". What's wrong with that?

Try running a marathon without being driven.
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #9  May 10,2010, 3:29pm
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mrflyer wrote :
Interesting. Certainly most people who are good at sports or serious about fitness could be considered "driven". What's wrong with that?

Try running a marathon without being driven.
That's a good point. I guess I meant driven in the sense of being obsessed with exercise and food and not necessarily having to do with attaining a goal.

In real life I have my exercise time, and the rest of the time is spent with work, family, hobbies, etc.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #10  May 10,2010, 4:09pm
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Does weight matter to men?

As you say, it can. Each person has his/her own preferences, and weight can be a deal breaker for some.

For others, weight is a secondary issue. I'm overweight, but I've not had any problems with the men in my life. They've not been overweight, themselves, either. (One very thin, one of average build, and one dwarf of average weight)

So certainly, some men will put weight in the top tier of preferences, but not all. I like to think that my sparkling personality, keen intelligence, irreverent humor, and ravenous sexuality more than make up for the excess pounds.
 
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