Is it time to let go or just wait and see.


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lonelyleo1971 is offline lonelyleo1971 Post #1  May 10,2010, 8:50am
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Hi this is my first time here. I was recently dating a woman and she had broke it off. We still chat as friends but she had mentioned something to me that I am rather confused and needed some advice. She is going through a tough time as so as I since I have separated from my wife of 8 yrs. She had mentioned she is addicted to me, physically (both sexually and attraction since we were intimate) and talking wise. But she does not want a relationship since I was told I was not her "type". I understand that she is confused and going through a rough period. But should I just move on and still be friends with her or am I missing something in her intentions. It sounds like she wants to be with me but to scared to. I really like her, being with her and miss her a lot.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #2  May 10,2010, 9:23am

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At present you are seperated from your wife and having a difficult time adjusting. Additionally, you began dating someone who subsequently broke it off with you. And, this person is fixated with you but she has decided that you are not her type.

Being seperated from your wife is enough of a rollercoaster for you emotionally without the drama of having a relationship with another person who can't decide what type of person they want to be with. While you are going through the seperation/divorce you need to surround yourself with supportive friends and positive influences, not additional drama.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  May 10,2010, 9:26am
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It means that while you have some of the qualities she likes and is attracted to, you don't have enough of them for her stay for the long term. So friends, friends with benefits, yes if you can do that. However, if you know you want more, don't hang around waiting for her to change her mind about you and better move to dating others who want what you want with you.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  May 10,2010, 9:27am
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Hi Leo!

To say she's "addicted" to you but does not want a relationship because you're not her "type" -- I would find that *very* off-putting. "Addiction" is not a relationship.

And, she seems to be saying she does not want a relationship. You should probably take her at her word. Whatever her reason is.

Now for something you didn't ask about: you're separated but not divorced? You really should work on finishing off your marriage before you go trying to find another serious relationship. Get divorced. Get over it in your heart and mind. Then go find a new relationship.

Most women who are stable, good relationship prospects are not going to want to date a man who's married.

Good luck!
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #5  May 10,2010, 10:16am
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Her being addicted to you but not wanting a relationship with you could just mean that you give her something she was badly missing after her breakup, enough to fill the gap but not enough for her to be interested in the package deal. Maybe something about you is like her ex.
Whatever it is it doesn't sound very healthy and could end in pain and tears if you become too invested, you have to ask yourself if that's countered by the offchance that her reluctance or outright refusal will change.
I'd say be her friend by all means, but at the moment your role seems to be the dating equivalent of a nicotine patch.
Last edited by gothustartus; May 10,2010 at 10:28am.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #6  May 10,2010, 12:05pm
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Sounds to me like you fill a sexual need that she has but outside of that she doesn't want to be with you. Ouch. I'm sorry. I know that must hurt.

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Did you say you are just recently separated from your wife? Does that mean your relationship with this lady was going on prior to your separation?

If so, it sounds like neither one of you are emotionally available to invest in another relationship right now.

Maybe a break from the relationship until you each get closure in your other relationships would be best?

Best of luck to you!
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #7  May 10,2010, 8:12pm
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If it was me, I'd proceed with caution. I'm not going to tell you to not be her friend - that's your choice. But know that you need to look out for you, and that there's some possibility this will end badly.

You both need to heal from previous relationships - if you can help each other do that without anyone getting hurt, go for it. In my own case, I would rather spend the time alone and be ready for a full relationship down the line...but that's just me.
 
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