How much younger is too much for a woman dating younger man?


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itsanewworld is offline itsanewworld Post #1  May 10,2010, 5:51am
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I'm totally blown away by some of the men I've had contact me on eH. I'm 42 years old and I am in eH communication with a 31-year-old man who says age is simply not a factor, and now another guy, a 28-year-old, has contacted me. I haven't even responded to him. I cannot fathom why a 28-yr-old would want to date a 42-year-old single mother other than for an obvious, possibly sexual reason.

Well, I thought that with the 31-yr-old, too, but he's proven to be remarkably mature and gives very good reasons as to why an 11-yr age difference matters not a whit to him. (he spent a lot of time in the military and is a very mature 31 year old man who has seen way too much in his lifetime.)

but now, a 28 year old??? And a good-looking one, to boot! I'm stumped. Any thoughts? How young is too young???
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #2  May 10,2010, 6:14am
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Too young is your own discomfort zone. There may be chronological years in terms of what you grew up with, but, at the end of the day, if you are uncomfortable with the age difference, it is too large. For you.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  May 10,2010, 6:15am

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10 years subtracted from your age is the general rule.

but, as long as you get along and have things in common, age is just a number.
 
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itsanewworld is offline itsanewworld Post #4  May 10,2010, 6:28am
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funny that I'm asking this, because I have dated many men anywhere from 14-20 years older than myself. but it's very bizarre to suddenly have the tables turned.

one man I'm talking to on eH and who wants to meet is 57. another is 31. and then now the 28 year old (although I have no idea if wants to meet, haven't even responded to his request for communication yet!)

imagine - I could be dating men with an age span of 29 years difference from each other. wouldn't that be wild?!

being single again is fun.
 
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rocchio is offline rocchio Post #5  May 10,2010, 7:36am
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itsanewworld wrote :
I'm totally blown away by some of the men I've had contact me on eH. I'm 42 years old and I am in eH communication with a 31-year-old man who says age is simply not a factor, and now another guy, a 28-year-old, has contacted me. I haven't even responded to him. I cannot fathom why a 28-yr-old would want to date a 42-year-old single mother other than for an obvious, possibly sexual reason.

Well, I thought that with the 31-yr-old, too, but he's proven to be remarkably mature and gives very good reasons as to why an 11-yr age difference matters not a whit to him. (he spent a lot of time in the military and is a very mature 31 year old man who has seen way too much in his lifetime.)

but now, a 28 year old??? And a good-looking one, to boot! I'm stumped. Any thoughts? How young is too young???
I think that your scepticism is healthy. As long as your willing to accept it for what it is, you'll be fine. Keep in mind that even under the most normal circumstances, guys will enter into relationships knowing full well that they are just "hanging out" for a bit. When I was 35, I dated a number of women in their 40's because they were attractive, appreciative, and fun, but I always did so with the frame of mind that it's a temporary arrangement.

I don't see anything detrimental with dating these guys as long as you're not looking for the "love of your life" or a "soul mate." These young guys have a wild card that they could play for a couple of decades----they might, eventually, want kids. If they don't ever want children, they are, more than likely, not the same guy who wants to be dating a woman in her fifties when they are forty. In short, if you go down this path, do so without any fear or concern of loss and live for the moment.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  May 10,2010, 7:41am

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rocchio wrote :
I think that your scepticism is healthy. As long as your willing to accept it for what it is, you'll be fine. Keep in mind that even under the most normal circumstances, guys will enter into relationships knowing full well that they are just "hanging out" for a bit. When I was 35, I dated a number of women in their 40's because they were attractive, appreciative, and fun, but I always did so with the frame of mind that it's a temporary arrangement.

I don't see anything detrimental with dating these guys as long as you're not looking for the "love of your life" or a "soul mate." These young guys have a wild card that they could play for a couple of decades----they might, eventually, want kids. If they don't ever want children, they are, more than likely, not the same guy who wants to be dating a woman in her fifties when they are forty. In short, if you go down this path, do so without any fear or concern of loss and live for the moment.
i have to disagree.

all of the significantly younger men i have dated were the ones pushing for a relationship.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  May 10,2010, 7:51am
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Just generally speaking, i would be hesitant to date under 40. i agree that the younger ones are probably just looking for something temporary/long term temporary, which isnt in line with what i want.

one thing i do like about younger guys is that they dont seem to be as jaded and angry as some of the older ones. another plus for me is that i dont feel like i am with some old man (sorry!)

most older men are "gearing down" at my age. i'm doing nothing of the kind and have no intention of doing so in the future.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  May 10,2010, 8:00am
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I'm guessing if they're contacting you via EH or IRL it's because they're attracted to you, so apparently age is not a factor for them.

As for relationship vs fling ... that's always an issue, age difference or not. Have to take them case by case and make sure what you want matches what they want.

I'm glad you're having fun being single!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  May 10,2010, 8:07am
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rocchio wrote :
I think that your scepticism is healthy. As long as your willing to accept it for what it is, you'll be fine. Keep in mind that even under the most normal circumstances, guys will enter into relationships knowing full well that they are just "hanging out" for a bit. When I was 35, I dated a number of women in their 40's because they were attractive, appreciative, and fun, but I always did so with the frame of mind that it's a temporary arrangement.

I don't see anything detrimental with dating these guys as long as you're not looking for the "love of your life" or a "soul mate." These young guys have a wild card that they could play for a couple of decades----they might, eventually, want kids. If they don't ever want children, they are, more than likely, not the same guy who wants to be dating a woman in her fifties when they are forty. In short, if you go down this path, do so without any fear or concern of loss and live for the moment.
thanks for your honesty rocchio.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  May 10,2010, 8:11am
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I am currently dating someone ten years younger than I am. He is divorced and has kids. I am divorced and have no kids. He is incredibly more mature than most of the men my age are. He is also fun, quite good looking, educated, active, in great shape, and no one would ever guess there is an age difference. He has told me frequently that I am exactly what he's been looking for and he's been pushing for commitment. I am the person holding him at arms length. Over the last few months he's proven that he's there to go the distance. My recommendation, if you enjoy the person's company, give it a shot. I agree with a previous poster it's fun to go out with someone not at all jaded or angry and not looking at life winding down. Keeps me young.
 
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