the "L" word... can it be said too quickly?


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  May 8,2010, 3:55pm
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A little while ago, I was going to break up with a guy because I felt he was moving so quickly, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings because I didn't think I could catch up. After 2 weeks of dating, he was professing his love. I am a multi-dater, he was aware of this, and I didn't know whether or not I wanted to stop dating others to exclusively see him. He was adamant in his love for me, and I just thought, for his own good that I should let him go.

There was actually some passionate advice that was provided here on the boards about that situation, and some felt that it is completley okay to profess your love for someone that early on in the relationship, and it potentially a wrong decision of me to break up with him to keep from breaking his heart (or something like that).

Okay, I got it, I get it, and I sorta... understand. People fall in love at different paces, and that's okay. As long as both parties are willing to continue to explore, and open to where the relationship leads, that sounds completely reasonable (or potentially, there are others who would still say go running for the hills if someone starts professing their love in less than two weeks of dating).

My question is... when the person continues to tell you how much they love you... then, ask you if you love them in return. If it still feels too early for you, you have told them that, but they still want to hear the words... what do you do then?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 8,2010, 4:02pm
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I would be firm in stating my conclusions.

I think you should not say something, because a partner wants to hear it.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  May 8,2010, 4:31pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I would be firm in stating my conclusions.

I think you should not say something, because a partner wants to hear it.
Oh, I completely agree that you don't say those words unless you mean them...

My problem is... a person says those words early... they say it's okay if you don't immediately feel the same way, and that it's okay that your feelings develop over time... then it feels like they ask and try to pressure you into feeling the same way. maybe this is the reason to not continue seeing someone who says the words too early... they'll end up getting hurt anyway.

when this person says it to me... I just smile and say I am enjoying getting to know you to. What else can you do?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  May 8,2010, 4:38pm
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Sounds like what I do.

I get this from some women. I've learned to just say "thank you."

That seems to defuse all the assumptions they brought, while still acknowledging their feelings.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #5  May 8,2010, 4:40pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Sounds like what I do.

I get this from some women. I've learned to just say "thank you."

That seems to defuse all the assumptions they brought, while still acknowledging their feelings.
yeah, but don't you feel bad?

I just feel guilty, like this person is giving me all of his heart, and wish I were to the same point... there is a sadness in their eyes when they express "I Love You" and you don't say it back. No matter how much acknowledgement of their feelings you provide.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #6  May 8,2010, 4:41pm
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honestly the words i love you said that early are not likely authentic and will be subject to change. i'd have a hard time taking it seriously and might even say something about it.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #7  May 8,2010, 4:42pm
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What you are doing here is saying to them not to be open and share your thoughts and feeling because it will bite you.

Yes people fall in love at different rates and people have different meanings of love and will claim int at different moments.


If he says that then you tell him it takes you long to express something like that...and he should understand that and usually does but that dosnt mean you run from him.
 
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dogwood is offline dogwood Post #8  May 8,2010, 5:09pm
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jussmile wrote :
A little while ago, I was going to break up with a guy because I felt he was moving so quickly, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings because I didn't think I could catch up. After 2 weeks of dating, he was professing his love. I am a multi-dater, he was aware of this, and I didn't know whether or not I wanted to stop dating others to exclusively see him. He was adamant in his love for me, and I just thought, for his own good that I should let him go.

There was actually some passionate advice that was provided here on the boards about that situation, and some felt that it is completley okay to profess your love for someone that early on in the relationship, and it potentially a wrong decision of me to break up with him to keep from breaking his heart (or something like that).

Okay, I got it, I get it, and I sorta... understand. People fall in love at different paces, and that's okay. As long as both parties are willing to continue to explore, and open to where the relationship leads, that sounds completely reasonable (or potentially, there are others who would still say go running for the hills if someone starts professing their love in less than two weeks of dating).

My question is... when the person continues to tell you how much they love you... then, ask you if you love them in return. If it still feels too early for you, you have told them that, but they still want to hear the words... what do you do then?
i think that people who say it quickly are trying to get their territory marked quickly.

it ingratiates you to feel the same as they do.

their lack of self control to delay that conversation until you are both ready for it is very selfish and thoughtless.

i had a guy i had only been seeing for a week or two call me from where he worked and tell me he had the condition that men get when they are pent up for too long....it included the word "blue" and couldn't wait to see me again. it really took me off guard and made me feel obligated to engage in intamacy way before i was ready. he too said love quickly.

i will never let someone make me feel obligated in either of these circumstances again. and to me, they are equally rude.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  May 8,2010, 5:35pm
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jussmile wrote :
yeah, but don't you feel bad?

I just feel guilty, like this person is giving me all of his heart, and wish I were to the same point... there is a sadness in their eyes when they express "I Love You" and you don't say it back. No matter how much acknowledgement of their feelings you provide.

I feel very good when I tell the truth, even when it is difficult or not what I know my partner wants to hear.

I wish to know that I can be believed in my statements, and to acheive this I must be forthright in every statement.
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #10  May 8,2010, 5:52pm
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I absolutely believe it can be said too early...

That said, I do believe people fall in love at different paces.

I fell in love the first (and only time) within two weeks. (we spent everyday together, so a lot of time packed into those two weeks).

I didn't tell him until after we had been together for quite some time, broken up, and gotten back together.

I told him first, he told me he had loved me when we were first together, and still did. I never told him I had actually fallen for him the first go around.
 
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