Try a Different Mind Set


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1sttimer is offline 1sttimer Post #1  May 7,2010, 5:26am
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Well, thought I have to share my story. For four years, I have been on the dating website (here before) and others looking for a long term relationship. I met over 35 men and only two had potential and only one 6 month relationship had developed in all this time. I became VERY frustrated with online dating-went off for a few weeks-and then came back on a two month ago with a different mind set. I did not want a long term relationship and I decided to change my mindset and at least find a FBW with someone. It had been three years since I was with someone. So first date out-met this guy and the chemistry was amazing and yes I slept with him on the first night, which was everything I did not do in the past. Well, guess what-it is now a great exclusive relationship and this weekend we are meeting each other children.

So long term great relationship can develop if you slept with someone on the first date-which I did not believe could happen.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #2  May 7,2010, 5:40am
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Of course it can happen. My LTR started that way. Congratulations and all the best!
 
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alchemist10 is offline alchemist10 Post #3  May 7,2010, 6:12am
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That is usually how all my LTR have started. Well not word for word.. I mean a change in mind set. I think when some people are looking for a LTR that can come across as desperate or whatever and if people are more relaxed and come into something with fewer expectations they are less likely to be disappointed and more likely to take chances.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  May 7,2010, 6:24am
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I don't doubt that something like this can happen. It happened to me as well and the relationship ended up lasting for 3 years.

I think this is more the exception that the rule. One date is just not enough time to get to know someone. It is enough time to find out if you're attracted to him/her. It is enough time to get caught up in the moment.

Now, if you're looking for a long term relationship, this is not the way to go in my opinion. You would be, more or less, throwing all your eggs in one basket. But, if you are open to whatever happens, a long term relationship may come out of it, then this kind of behavior is perfectly legitimate. As long as you are not putting obligation and expectation into the sex act and just accepting it for what it really is.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  May 7,2010, 6:50am
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Two months makes for a LTR
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #6  May 7,2010, 6:55am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Two months makes for a LTR
Sometimes seems that way these days, whether meeting online or not!
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #7  May 7,2010, 9:54am

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Congratulations on your meeting someone great. But even thpugh you have adopted a new mind set, don't forget most people are still the same old people they have always been.

In my experience and from what has been frequently posted here, most relationships last about 3-5 months before they dissolve into disagreeable nothingness.

It takes a while for us to let down the honeymoon rose colored glasses and see with real eyes. For your and his warts and wrinkles to become more obvious.

And I have to also question 2 months being a LTR-no mater if you slept with him on the first date or not.

Personally I'm not opposed to hawt sex on the first date if it's super attractive and I'm in the mood...sometimes sex with no commitment is exactly what I want. The thing is, I don't expect that to segue into a relationship, usually. For me, I'd rather live in reality than have expectations of making something out of an impulse.

But best of luck to you and I hope you remain happy about what you and he have.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  May 7,2010, 10:07am
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So the new mindset we should adopt is to have sex on the first date?

OK, I'm willing to give it a try.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  May 7,2010, 10:14am
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1sttimer wrote :
So first date out-met this guy and the chemistry was amazing and yes I slept with him on the first night, which was everything I did not do in the past. Well, guess what-it is now a great exclusive relationship and this weekend we are meeting each other children.


So long term great relationship can develop if you slept with someone on the first date-which I did not believe could happen.
Reminds me of a Seinfeld episode.

OK, from now on, do the opposite of everything you did before..and then check back here in 6 months.
This could be an interesting..
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #10  May 7,2010, 10:30am
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congratulations... I hope it lasts...

you took a chance and it worked for you. I actually think you had the right mindset when it came to having sex, you had no expectations. because of that, had things not worked out, then you would have been okay with that too. That's the attitude to have if you are open to anything that happens. Some others though, think sex is more associated with a relationship, and want it to be part of a committed relationship. change of mindset or not, this method will probably not work for them and potentially lead to a lot of misery and regret.

I'd personally rather be single, than sleep with guy(s) on a first date in hopes that it turns into a long-term relationship. That's just me though.

again, great example of how different people can approach a situation differently and still have a positive outcome for them.
 
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