Online dating Career... Making the Rounds


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  May 6,2010, 1:53pm
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I was just wondering if anyone else had this experience...

Seems like a lot of guys will look at my profile online, and for months, not say anything... then, out of the blue, they'll start chatting as though they've just seen your info for the first time, and as though they haven't been dating online very long.

Now, in the cases I'm talking about, these people seem to have been online dating for a while.

Question...

Are these guys just "doing the rounds" and trying to connect with many women, although they may not be looking for a relationship?

I know another possibility is that they could also have a line up of women, so just getting to you when they have gone through their priority list, so maybe that's it. But, one guy I met who did this (I found out on the date), literally had been online dating for over 3 years ! I asked him why has that lucky girl not found him yet ... he just said, he hadn't met her. Just seems interesting to me. And not knocking people who have been online dating for a long time, I am just curious if this is a trend, and if there are specific types of guys to look out for who might be doing this.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 6,2010, 2:08pm
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Is this a free or paid site?

If paid, they may not have been a customer at the time.

Some people may not communicate to multiple matches, or communicate to any others after meeting one.

Not everyone is necessarily dedicating much time to dating ... I haven't even signed on to eHarmony since March. (I actually won't even look at a match unless it's a free weekend, to avoid this problem.)
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  May 6,2010, 3:23pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Is this a free or paid site?

If paid, they may not have been a customer at the time.

Some people may not communicate to multiple matches, or communicate to any others after meeting one.

Not everyone is necessarily dedicating much time to dating ... I haven't even signed on to eHarmony since March. (I actually won't even look at a match unless it's a free weekend, to avoid this problem.)
This is a paid site, but the contact happens outside of free weekends, so I always find it a bit unusual. The only thing that even makes me think it might be an issue is that I went out on a date with a guy once, and he came off as though he was "playing" the online thing as some guys "play" at the clubs/bars, waiting until midnight, when the women are nice and hammered, to pick one up.

This may be totally different, but the one guy kinda had that mentality, and he just kept going through the women on the site (or so it appeared). I just didn't know if this was something that others experiences as well.

Is it a female thing too? When you say "that problem" do you mean women do it too?
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #4  May 6,2010, 3:28pm
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You're keeping records of who's viewed your profile and tracking when they decide to message you?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #5  May 6,2010, 3:36pm
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ThePriestess wrote :
You're keeping records of who's viewed your profile and tracking when they decide to message you?
No, not keeping records. I do look and see who's viewed me (it's a feature of the site). And, occassionally, there have been a couple of guys that I've noticed come back a lot over the course of a few months. Then, after months, they finally reach out and send me email.

The trend that I see is most of these guys are young
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  May 6,2010, 3:42pm
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jussmile wrote :
When you say "that problem" do you mean women do it too?

I meant, I do not look at profiles unless I am able to communicate, so that my matches do not see that I looked, but did not write.

I can not tell if women are looking without writing, since this feature is only available to paying customers.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #7  May 6,2010, 3:52pm
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jussmile wrote :
Again, just thought there might be a "pattern" to the type of guys who do this.
I would avoid generalizing behavior in this way.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #8  May 6,2010, 4:05pm
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There are many, many reasons why this could happen:

1. It's not possible to communicate with / date EVERY potential match as soon as you become a member. You may connect with one, date them for several months, break up and move on to another. Sometimes you intentionally take a break from dating for a while but leave your profile up. Before you know it a few years have gone by and you're still online. Just because you've been there for a while, should you not try to communicate with other members who have also been there for a while?

2. Most sites besides eHarmony let you screen/sort your matches by various criteria and interests. There could be an item that you initially deemed undesirable but now deem unimportant. Once you change your screen, new people show up and then you attempt to communicate. Perhaps you viewed this member a time or two before quite a while earlier before you narrowed your criteria, and then widened them again.

3. A guy could have viewed you and decided you were "out of his league" so passed you by. But noticing you're still online he figures maybe he'll give you a shot after all.

4. Perhaps they are communicating with several matches already (or even just one), but find you very appealing as well. When interest dies down from the original match(es) they decide to try to pursue you. I would NOT call this having a "line up" of matches... it's just a matter of timing and sometimes luck of the draw who communicates/responds first.

5. Maybe he's shy and was trying to get your attention with all those views, hoping YOU would make first contact. Now he's finally got his confidence and courage up to contact you.

I would NOT assume "these guys (are) just "doing the rounds" and trying to connect with many women, although they may not be looking for a relationship" Why on earth would you want to make a bad and probably erroneous assumption like that? Just because someone has been online a while does not mean they're not looking for a relationship!

Basically, timing is everything in meeting a mate. He did not contact you earlier because for whatever reason, the timing was not right for him.

I have been online dating on various sites on and off for nearly 8 years! Does that make me an unattractive choice? Bringing it up as an issue like you're doing really does imply you are "knocking" people who didn't find their perfect mate in the first year or so of dating.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #9  May 6,2010, 4:53pm
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WW... I completely agree with all of your scenarios (many I didn't even think about!). Honestly, being single for a year, I just don't have the perspective that many people have who have been dating online for a longer period...

and, I've had these two experiences where guys were pretty much doing exactly as I've described, so was just thinking if there is a particular type of guy, with particular habits that you can watch out for.

Not to mention, I saw this happening in a club, when I was first single, and I was like... OMG!! It was almost scary even being single seeing how the game was played.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #10  May 6,2010, 4:56pm
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ThePriestess wrote :
I would avoid generalizing behavior in this way.
I understand what you are saying, but there are always discussions of signs of a "married" guy/girl or signs of guys/girls who are on the rebound, etc., etc., etc... so, wasn't trying to just generalize guys or behaviors in general.

Believe it or not... there are some guys out there like this, there are. I could pretend there are not, but there are. I (believe) I have run into a couple and have really strong evidence to suggest as much. Again, just thought this is one of those types of things to watch out for as much as the married or rebound person.

always interesting to see thoughts from a different view though. what may seem so clear to one, is a completely new way to look at it to another.
 
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