htcx is offline htcx Post #1  May 6,2010, 5:58am
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I have been in communication with this girl and we joked around about meeting last night, but then we realized...hey maybe we should. So what's the protocol on this one? Are their steps or rules to follow as far as meeting someone in this kind of situation? Let me make it clear that we are both graduating college, but live in two states very far apart. Therefore I'm not swimming in money and I can't just fly over there to get lunch. What do you all recommend we do and is there a time line when we should wait and meet?
 
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n25philly is offline n25philly Post #2  May 6,2010, 6:08am
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Meet as soon as you are both comfortable with it. If you are that far apart, I would try to take a long weekend when doing so, so if you hit it off you can spend a few days together.
 
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htcx is offline htcx Post #3  May 6,2010, 6:30am
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n25philly, thanks for the info. We kind of have an idea of the time frame and what not, but my question was more aimed at, location, stay and all of that. Should I travel to see her, so she is in a more comfortable setting? What type of travel arragements should I make?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  May 6,2010, 6:35am
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It is generally best to meet sooner than later. With a local match I like to meet about a week after getting into Open Communication. With a LDR the time would usually be a little farther out. When there are planes and hotels involved then the time is even farther out. In any case the time should be as n25philly said, when you are comfortable meeting.

Given what you have said I presume that the distance is far enough that a plane is required. Also since you are both just graduating from college you probably would want to wait until graduation is over (I presume in a couple of weeks). If the distance is such that halfway would be a drive to meeting you may want to choose someplace halfway and meet. Normally the guy would go to where the girl is though if somewhere there was limited things to do and the guy lived in a city with a lot to do it may make better sense for the girl to go to where the guy is.

You should definitely be getting separate hotel rooms though there are going to some on here that will disagree with me on this.
 
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htcx is offline htcx Post #5  May 6,2010, 6:59am
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Definitely agree with you on the time. We are thinking end of July and I was planning on going out to meet her anyway. She said she would host me, but at the same time I don't know what the appropriate thing is what the protocol to this would be. There is no halfway or anything like that since its already a 5 hour direct flight. Why do you say others would disagree with you?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  May 6,2010, 7:23am
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That's nice of her to offer to host you. But can you spring for a Motel 6 or something like that?

The problem with staying with her is it puts a lot of pressure on what is going to be a first real-life meeting.

Not to put a damper on things, but ... there are lots of what-ifs. What if you don't get along so well in person? What if you do, but one or the other would like some time/space alone during the visit? Stuff like that. Having the motel room gives options.

She's really going out on a limb, asking you to stay at her place. You're a guy she only knows online. That's generally not a safe thing to do. She might realize that at some point, now or when you arrive, and have a reaction to it.

If you have a motel room instead ... just seems a lot calmer and lower pressure.

Good luck!
 
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n25philly is offline n25philly Post #7  May 6,2010, 7:25am
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I would get a room near where she lives. That way you are close enough to spend a lot of time together, but you are not imposing if it doesn't work out.
 
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htcx is offline htcx Post #8  May 6,2010, 7:38am
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I completely agree with all of you on that one. The only issue is that she will be living in a very high priced area of NYC. I looked for hotels and well there is no such thing as cheap by any stretch of the imagination. But if spending a few hundred $$ a night in order to avoid awkwardness or to avoid making her uncomfortable, then its obviously a smart decision. I was just curious as to what you all thought in regards to staying with her. Any other advice as far as how long I should visit her for? We were talking about doing a Thursday-Tuesday.
 
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htcx is offline htcx Post #9  May 6,2010, 9:09am
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Any other suggestions as far as amount of time to spend there? Where I should stay? Any other tips at all?
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #10  May 6,2010, 9:22am
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htcx wrote :
Any other suggestions as far as amount of time to spend there? Where I should stay? Any other tips at all?
Honestly it is probably best not to go over to her house when first introduced to each other. If you guys don't get a long well in real life it will be a very uncomfortable situation.

Also if the area in which she lives is out of your price range a better solution might be to meet in a different city in New York state (Buffalo). Get separate motel rooms so if you don't get a long you can part ways if you want. There would probably be plenty of things to do in a city like Buffalo and it would be a much more casual first meet up than if you their were obligations called upon you.
 
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