first dates and dressing


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sillyramone is offline sillyramone Post #1  May 5,2010, 5:56pm
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This topic has already been discussed I'm sure, but not quite like this I don't think.

Today my mom and I were watching Oprah's "Make Over My Man" episode. We were discussing it and it reminded me of some of my experiences with dating men who, in my opinion, always dressed very casually on dates. As a matter of fact, almost every time a match and I would discuss plans for our first date (first time we would meet each other), they would be sure to mention something to me like, "Don't worry about dressing up or anything like that, I'm not going to be."

Sure to their word, they didn't. I had guys show up in shorts, jeans, T-shirts, even to nice restaurants in the evening. One guy even came looking like he had been working on his car all day and hadn't changed or cleaned up. Long, dirty fingernails are gross, not attractive.

Every single one of these guy's attire was underwhelming and gave the impression that they really didn't care about the date or wanted to put much effort into it. It made me wonder if that's the attitude they have towards other things in their lives.

My main issue and reason for writing this isn't as much to do with the dressing as it is with the telling me ahead of time to "not bother" dressing well. It always sounded to me like a cop out from the very first time I heard it. I think it's just a way for them to be sure I won't make them look bad when they show up in their jeans and t-shirt. (Of course I think jeans and t-shirts are totally appropriate if your date is for a casual lunch, during the daytime, or anything outdoors) It's like from the very beginning they're trying to lower my expectations.

So girls (and guys!) what would you think if you were briefed about dressing a certain way before you met someone? If a guy tells me this again before we go out, what's a nice way of letting them know what I think about it?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 5,2010, 6:05pm
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Unless you believe in sharing (fully) in the costs of your dates, I think you're way out of line to criticize what I wear.

I wear jeans because I work in a manufacturing environment, and so long as that is what's paying the bills, I'lll keep on doing so.

I do think people should be clean when showing up for meetings, of course.

***

Jeans / t-shirt are fine fashion choices for me - especially well-fitting on a woman. Really, a good pair of jeans and a tight t-shirt with a sports team logo is fine (and this is at restaurants with $200 k cars out front.)

***

In my view, if you wish to negotiate the details of a meeting beforehand, I am fine with this. Just so you know, every detail gets on the table that way ...

Dressy clothes go with driving together, etc.

Her tastes in clothes go with my tastes in who pays, etc.

I do think it is fine to express a viewpoint on sartorial obsessiveness to your matches, and request something which is according to your preference. I suggest, however, that it may not be too easy to get away with (see balance of post.)
Last edited by D_Lion; May 5,2010 at 6:13pm.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #3  May 5,2010, 6:07pm
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Ok, no shoes dropping, just enjoying the present...

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How to kill the date before it even starts? Lecture him on dressing.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  May 5,2010, 6:16pm
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Vinagrette, please?
 
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sillyramone is offline sillyramone Post #5  May 5,2010, 6:17pm
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howardtheduck wrote :
How to kill the date before it even starts? Lecture him on dressing.
I honestly feel like they're killing the date before it even starts by telling me, "don't worry about dressing up or anything..."
I honestly got that line so much it became a joke!

I definitely don't want to lecture anyone on dressing, that's my whole point. I think it's too bad that these men didn't understand how to dress appropriately. Which really just boils down to, look like you tried/care. A guy could dress casually and still look like he made some effort.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #6  May 5,2010, 6:32pm
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Ok, no shoes dropping, just enjoying the present...

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I agree with you. But, you have to hope the men you are dating want to date you too and understand that on some level that they understand social norms as it related to where you are going, etc. If not, you have a quick answer as to whether you want to see them again - dating is not easy, nor is it fun sometimes. Good luck.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #7  May 5,2010, 6:36pm

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D_Lion wrote :
Vinagrette, please?
I am more in the mood for Greek.

Oh and you can wear what you want.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is online now Dropdeadredtx Post #8  May 5,2010, 7:51pm
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The only 'attire' conversations I ever have involve after-work dates; I often ask the gentleman what his office attire is, and mention that, in theatre, we keep a fairly casual office. If he works in a suit-and-tie environment I always dress appropriately day-of, so that we look kinda like we might be together.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 5,2010, 7:59pm
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Where I live shorts, t-shirt and flip flops are considered dressed up (for guys or girls).

I have spent more time in Huntsville than I cared to and I never found that it was a particularly dressy type town.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 5,2010, 8:03pm
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sillyramone wrote :
I honestly feel like they're killing the date before it even starts by telling me, "don't worry about dressing up or anything..."
I honestly got that line so much it became a joke!

I definitely don't want to lecture anyone on dressing, that's my whole point. I think it's too bad that these men didn't understand how to dress appropriately. Which really just boils down to, look like you tried/care. A guy could dress casually and still look like he made some effort.
I will tell my date what I will be wearing on the first date because I think it is easier to spot someone wearing certain colored shirt and slacks than it is to tell facial features. Rarely do my matches tell me what they will be wearing and rarely will they try to match my style of dress.
 
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